Who should go to A&E with child - mum or dad?

[NameChangedSpring25]

not me, a relative:

DC1 is 6 y/old - told by 111 to go to A&E - stomach pain (he’s usually very tough), but has been in agony all day, crying for his mum who has just got home from work. Dad has been at home with him (WFH but taken emergency parental leave)
DC2 is 12 months - still very attached to mum during night. Will settle with dad but would take longer. Mum would worry a lot if not at hospital with DS1.

both parents work full time and alternate sickness days. Assuming nothing serious it’s mums turn to take tomorrow off work and dad will go to work (ideally on site tomorrow)

which parent should have taken DS1 to A&E?

I don’t think there is a right or wrong. Dad is obviously a selfish git if he used not wanting a Velcro baby as the reason though, adult preferences shouldn’t be a consideration, the focus should be on the children. I have always been the one to take mine to the ED, although admittedly I have made the opposite mistakes to many posters and have actually made bad decisions and have waited more than I should have before making the call… so the times I have been, they have been sick enough for immediate treatment and admissions…. So I haven’t had the experience of PP’s where I wasn’t taken seriously, but I don’t doubt fathers are taken more seriously. I’ll actually keep that in mind in case we are ever in a situation where the trip is less critical!!

I can't imagine that spending all evening/night in A&E is the easy option, in comparison to holding a baby at home.

Personally I generally preferred to stay at home with the others. Especially now we have mobiles and can keep informed.

The most competent parent should go.

If that's mum and the hospital is in a dodgy area, then dad and the other child should drop them off at the door and pick up again later.

Whoever felt more able to do it and manage the likely overnight in A&E with no sleep. Generally, I do this sort of stuff in our family because I have a clinical background so know what questions to ask and I’m more bolshy than Dh who would wait for 20 hours before he asked if anyone was going to see them. I’m much more likely to get things done and sort it.

In terms of work though, it wouldn’t matter, whoever needed to take off would just have to take off. It would much more depend on which of us had more pressing work on.

In this instance I think I agree with the person who said Dad would be able to give a better medical.update of the days events if they've been there with them all day.

One of our children unfortunately had several A&E visits when younger and looking back sometimes it was Dad, sometimes it was me.

Mum

I went to hospital when DD broke her arm. She was 7.

Dh would go in heartbeat rather than having velcro baby

In this case I would say Dad because he's been with the child all day and will be better able to discuss the symptoms, urine output, what the child has eaten etc. In my house it is always Dad, because I don't drive, but depending on how late he was away would depend on how the next day looks with regard to who would stay home etc.

dad so mum can manage younger child

It doesn’t matter. Both parents are capable of taking a child to A&E.

Our baby had jaundice and I’d just had a c section. We called our surgery and they told us to get him to a & e asap. It took my husband literally minutes to get the baby to hospital. I stayed home with the four and two year olds as we had no childcare. We joined them later when FIL was able to drive me and although I felt I needed to be there, I was hormonal and emotional (not to mention bleeding heavily and struggling to walk) and the nurse asked if ‘mum wanted to step out of the room’ as they were going to inject baby with a big needle.

Dad was the one baby needed that day. Not mum. And he did a fucking great job.

Dad has been around all day and seeing the symptoms to relay to the doctors, so he’s probably best placed to go to A&E. Also Mum’s been at work so has “earned” not spending her evening in hospital. But if Dad insisted on staying at home on the basis that it could be a late night and he’s at work the next day, that also seems reasonable.

In our family it would normally be me that took them. One time I had a very tiny nursing newborn though, so Dad took them that time. The sky didn't fall down and it was fine.

The parent who knows the child best / needs behaviour what’s normal for them what not . If child is ill and prefers one parent over the other, then the preferred parent should go.

It that’d been us, we’d have all gone. So, both sick child and clingy baby have mum and dad supports mum. A 12 month old will usually sleep in a buggy or pram. I’d want us all there in case an emergency OP’s needed.

Mum

I always insist on it being me. I will recall their medical history much better and they tend to veer towards wanting mummy. I also will not sleep because I’m a worrier. DH will sleep no problem and be much better placed to be a capable parent the next day.

It’s absolutely different for every family though. I prefer to be the one who sorts out the children and DH prefers to be the one who cooks and cleans so naturally child jobs fall to me.

Dad at a push as he has been with the child all day and best placed to answer questions, but really either parent would be ok

My husband has always taken our children to either dentist/drs/A&E, purely because he can drive!
I’ve always stayed home with the other children

This.

Dad is the one who has been with the child all day so will be able to answer questions and provide information to medical staff.

Mum takes the child because she's due to be off tomorrow.

My ex and I always worked it that the parent who had the least amount of driving or who would be off with the child the next day did the run to hospital so the other could sleep. Expectation being that parent would sleep so that they could pick up the slack as soon as they got home the next day and let the other rest. It usually ended up being me as my job was more flexible and I wouldn't have slept if ds was sick anyway plus breastfeeding. Whereas ex would have actually slept if he stayed at home.

You’re in for a tough night either way. In your situation I’d say mum stays home with Velcro baby because you know that’s the best parent for that situation. Older child is more likely to be fine with either parent. Whoever’s doing the hospital trip will probably have the same experience, whereas the night shift with the baby will go better if mum does it. It’s all very well saying child going to hospital gets to pick the parent, but child going to hospital can spend all day in bed sleeping if they need to whereas the adults have to work and look after the baby. I’d do whichever gets the adults the most amount of sleep collectively. I hope everything goes well for your child at hospital, and everyone gets a good nights sleep. These situations are stressful when they’re so young.

What are your reasons for saying this? I'm genuinely curious given the very specific circumstances of the OP