Who should go to A&E with child - mum or dad?

[NameChangedSpring25]

not me, a relative:

DC1 is 6 y/old - told by 111 to go to A&E - stomach pain (he’s usually very tough), but has been in agony all day, crying for his mum who has just got home from work. Dad has been at home with him (WFH but taken emergency parental leave)
DC2 is 12 months - still very attached to mum during night. Will settle with dad but would take longer. Mum would worry a lot if not at hospital with DS1.

both parents work full time and alternate sickness days. Assuming nothing serious it’s mums turn to take tomorrow off work and dad will go to work (ideally on site tomorrow)

which parent should have taken DS1 to A&E?

I think it’s down the family to make that decision but I don’t think there is a wrong answer.

Either.
Is ds constipated? It can cause severe pain

Whoever is the better advocate (if one is particularly poor at this, they shouldn't go). This is why I usually do a&e trips which won't require an overnight (because for us it's always ds who needs a&e - no out of hours or walk ins here - and dd is still breastfeeding overnight).

At a guess, could it be appendicitis? If A&E suspect that, they are likely to be admitted and operated on tomorrow. Which possibly means mum will need to take over at some point.

I'm at a&e with a child with abdominal pain. It's very busy. Trust your dh

There are no free seats where I am. Please don't take the whole family to a&e!

Either parent but here, if it’s the toddler, it’ll be mum because they’ll settle better with mom but if any of the older children, it’ll be dad as he’ll be taken more seriously. Besides any routine appointments, DH has always taken our DC’s to the hospitals because he also works in the medical field so knows so much, they always take him seriously.

The priority tonight is the 6 year old. Whoever he wants with him.

I think it’s for the family to work out but I would suggest mum, especially if dad is working on site he is going to need some sleep and it’s likely to be a long night.

I've luckily only had to go to A and E three times in 18 years of parenting. First time DH was out and uncontactable so I had to take both DC (6 and 9 at the time)
Went more recently I think DH thought I was overreacting the first time (despite being advised we should go) When things didn't improve he agreed it was the right thing to go, but had planned to do something else that morning so I went (although I felt I could advocate better for DS anyway)
In general I don't think there is a right or wrong answer but I did notice more mums when we went recently.

I don't think it matters. In my childhood it would have been Dad because mum was scared of doctors/hospitals.

For my DC, if I'd been out all day and socknDC wanted me I'd have gone with him, but equally if there was a reason DH wanted to go, there's no reason why not.

TBH, ideally I'd have found an interefering relative to stay with the baby so we could both go and one could be dropped off while the other parked the car.

As long as dc 1 is happy with daddy then mummy needs to settle dc 2.

Not really fair on Dad to have poorly child throughout the day and then a baby that won’t settle for him in the evening.

Mostly, whatever dc1 wants tbh.

The one who has been with the child whilst they've been ill. It's so much harder to properly assess a young child when the answer to every question in the history is "I don't know, I've just picked him up from the other parent".

It depends of course on the situation. My husband is better at the hospital and stressful situations, because I freak and have anxiety. But he is TOO relaxed and never will take the dc initially. For example I knew ds needed to go to the hospital from what the GP said. DH thought wait and see until morning. I ignored and took son to hospital. Turns out, I was right, son admitted right away and once they said he would stay the night, I called dh to come to hospital. He took over and I went home to our other dc. DH spent the next 48 hours in the hospital with son and I went a few hours during the day. The reason was, dh is calm and would keep ds calm and it would be better for ds. I would freak and be too anxious.

Whoever will be most effective at getting sick child evaluated and treated.

So who knows the symptoms better
Who is better at staying calm in a medical setting
Who is better at keeping DC calm if a long wait or blood tests are needed
Who is better at talking concisely, asking relevant questions and remembering information related to treatment going forward when dealing with medical professionals and in a medical setting

Some people are awesome at this and some people are dreadful at it.

What a ridiculous post, there is no “should”. Mums don’t love their kids more than dads, they aren’t the only ones who can take them to A&E.

Let’s be honest, it doesn’t matter. What matters is the poorly child getting the medical attention they need in a timely manner. There’s literally no right or wrong answer to this.

I got my DH to do A & E with 4 year old when I was breastfeeding a baby. The 4 year old would have preferred me, but I couldn't be in two places, and didn't want to take baby along.

Whoever is best placed that day to do it. Sounds like dad for this one as he’s been with him all day, and therefore maybe best placed to answer questions. Sometimes that element wont be relevant eg if both parents saw a child fall and hurt themselves.

We’ve been to A&E a few times with DC, and for us it’s always a logistical question. DH can’t drive due to a disability, so if it’s day time and parking will be an issue, I’ll drive and drop him and DC off. If it’s nighttime, I’ll just drive unwell DC because it’s easier to park and means we can easily come home whenever.

Which parent is better at retaining information during stressful situations?

Dad, given he has been observing him all day so presumably better placed to fully answer questions

With our family dh is really good at not panicking in an emergency but I am much better than him at the waiting around bits when the crisis is over. So dh takes them to a and e and then we swap when the dc is on the children's ward. I also do the elective surgeries.

I have two children with ongoing health issues and this is not my experience at all.

I'd err slightly towards Dad as he's seen the symptoms all day so can better answer questions on pain levels, toileting, what he's had to eat and drink. But you can argue it either which way, there is no right or wrong answer.

Absolutely no should about it. Which ever works best in any given situation.