To not pay for an unwanted child?

[Anudawan]

Hypothetical.

it came up at work today.

if the pregnancy was a result of a one night stand, regardless of whether precautions were taken, if the man doesn’t want the pregnancy and the woman decides to continue, should he be able to opt out of child support?

my personal answer and I’m not sure on the nuance (ie do you have be on the birth certificate and thus can claim parental responsibility in order to be compelled to pay maintenance or a dna test to compel the man) my personal answer is no, he cannot or shouldn’t be able to opt out once the child is born. All sex (with a woman of reproductive age) carries the risk of pregnancy, you can lower the risk but never fully remove it. Abstinence is the only way to do that. To do the action you’ve got to be prepared for the consequences. It’s very easy to flippantly say ‘get an abortion’ but for some women that isn’t viable.

But women get the choice if she’s kept the baby it’s because it’s a choice she could make, men can’t

Are you in the wrong thread? Lots of posts talk about women being all happy to be single mothers & forcing men to pay for it and as for the comment about sex, nobody has to agree to an unwanted child to have sex! Child free couples that don't want kids tend to go.iit of their way to not have them! Sensible child free couples won't often have an accidental pregnancy but it they do, it's their decision if they go ahead with it or not! Pregnancies are not cast in stone and people do not become choiceless robots! Forced pregnancies benefit nobody and certainly not the child!

I do think you should pay, as it’s for the child, unless both parties agree to the man opting out.
However, I don’t like the idea of saying “you had sex, what do you expect?” As this can be used in the abortion debate as reason why women can’t get one as they should have known about the consequences .

And by that same logic... if a man isn't prepared to pay to raise a child HE should have used contraception.

I do think it's different- abortion is the only alternative to pregnancy and birth. Which is why it's a medical issue that only affects the female body. There are multiple alternatives to parenting which affects everyone involved. So to me these are very separate issues and the reason why a woman has the right to choose what happens to her body but a man should still be responsible for a child he co-created by not being responsible for his own contraception.

Why are you obsessed with it being only about one party! Not many decent women want to turn their lives upside down having a baby to a complete.stranger! You need to accept that!

Are you suggesting that she should be locked in a room & forced to carry an unwanted child to full term and then hand it over to the dad. Are you honestly that warped?

I try to avoid American politics where possible, but the comments don't surprise me. That's right-wing America though so hardly something to aspire to be like. And I'm guessing you don't agree with those types of comments either, so why think men should have to abide by them?

The poster said: women should always be allowed to bully a man into a child they don't want!

There is not a single post here that says anything of the sort. The potential child has already been created. It was created when the couple had sex. Not after the fact when the woman gets to make a decision about the baby she is carrying in her body. Not one post here has said a woman should bully a man into sex to have a child. Unless of course, but ‘bullying a man into a child they don’t want’ the poster actually meant ‘not having the abortion the man wants her to have’.

Whether the man pays or not doesn’t stop him having a child. He has one. And as he has one, he has a responsibility to that child.

I’m not sure what you are talking about with forced pregnancies. Those usually occur when women aren’t able to make a choice and that is a whole different topic. Are you trying to suggest men, who’ve had sex, have had pregnancies forced on them?

Nope not always. She can always drop it on her doorstep and walk away and then he can be responsible and he can claim money off her if he wants.

Men most certainly have a choice. The choice to jizz into a vagina.

If they jizz where it is not wanted then they have made that choice. They know the possible outcome of that.

So they have a choice at that point not to have a baby. If they do not want one then they should not jizz where it isn't wanted.

No he can't opt out! He had sex.. and that's what happens when you have sex, you sometimes make a baby! It's so easy for men to say "just get rid" it's the woman's body that has to go through that! It can be dangerous, it can be painful and distressing whilst the man feels nothing! A woman has every right not to want to harm her body in a way that an abortion does. If you don't want to risk that, don't have sex at all

Yes they can, don't have sex. It doesn't affect the man's body for the woman to have an abortion but it can be fatal for a woman to have an abortion (rare nowadays if done properly but still traumatising, painful and damaging) why should a woman put herself through that if she doesn't want to.its only fair that she pays and the man pays ...let's be honest, the woman will house, feed and do and pay for everything forever for that child whilst a man moans at paying £100 a month for them.. so it's not like it would be 50/50 anyway

Surely you'd say women should just not have sex at all either then if they don't want a baby and don't want an abortion?

I am prochoice. But this rhetoric has been used by prolifers. If you start blaming men for not being in control of their contraception, it’s a slippery slope down to saying the same of women. Which is why I wouldn’t use this argument.

If they used protection and the man states he doesn’t want kids and the woman ended up pregnant he shouldn’t be trapped for 18-20 years paying for that kid whether it’s £100 a month or not. Why does everyone keep saying “oh men shouldn’t have sex if they don’t want a baby” that’s just silly.
It’s 2025, there’s loads of birth control out there and the morning after pill exists. It’s easier than ever to not get pregnant. I don’t think it should be 50/50 if the man has said he didn’t want to be a dad.

Despite being with my DH for most of my life I have thought about this a lot, usually when I hear about someones sisters friend’s neighbour that is expecting with a ONS or her boyfriend of 10 minutes.

I would much prefer the father in that situation to just disappear and want nothing more to do with us than try to navigate co parenting with a stranger/arsehole. I have seen too many awkward, messy and toxic co parenting agreements for that and don’t think the money would ever make up for sharing custody or having to consider them in my decision making.

What is silly is your ridiculous notion that any man old enough to have sex can just waive aside the consequences.

No, because while the fetus is inside her body, the woman gets to make all decisions. She loses the decision to not care for any baby produced once the baby is outside her body. At that point if she doesn’t want responsibility, she faces the same issue a man should face. She should need to pay up and care for the child unless a court designates a new parent.

You seem to be completely missing the point that there wouldn't be a foetus in the first place if she just refrained from sex...

I'm very unclear as to why there's so many posts on this thread that seem to suggest women can autofertilize...

I do see the argument that women have the option to abort and not be liable for the rest of their lives while men don’t have any action they can take after conception to change the course of events. Abortion is not an easy choice for most women, but it is an option and many women take advantage of it.

I might find that a somewhat convincing argument if there was any evidence that men took the risk of pregnancy even half as seriously as women do. But they don’t. Almost all of them tend to be happy to accept women taking responsibility for contraception rather than putting contraception first and insisting on condoms regardless. Many are happy to have unprotected sex if the choice is that or no sex. They tend not to be interested in doing any of the work involved in ensuring women’s contraceptive choices are supported. They rarely opt for the snip. And they aren’t clamouring for the male pill.

So given all that, I don’t think they should get to just opt out after the fact, leaving women with even more of the shit and giving them even less of the responsibility.

Of course they should. It always amazes me how men can be so irresponsible with their sperm. If I thought a one night stand could cost me a % of my income for the next 18 years I’d definitely be more careful!

OFC women can be irresponsible too, but they can choose to end a pregnancy - once a man has ejaculated he has zero say in what happens with that pregnancy (rightly!)

I also think not paying for your child should be treat with the same seriousness as tax evasion - and the absent parent should be forced to work to pay the full amount. None of this ‘fiver from his dole’ shite 🙄

You are absolutely correct. If grown ass adults want to have sex they need to accept that a baby may result in it. This is why it should be between married couples only.

Fair points. Bit unsure what you mean by "they tend not to be interested in doing any of the work involved in ensuring women’s contraceptive choices are supported." Could you elaborate a bit on that? I think a lot of men would welcome the option of having a male pill. As long as there's not serious side effects of course. Women have far more options when it comes to birth control so I don't think it's any great shock it usually gets left up to women. I haven't counted them but there's probably around what, TEN methods for women and only two for men (not including abstinence) neither of which are ideal. If there was a male pill that could make ALL the difference. As far as I'm concerned it can't get invented soon enough.

I hate deadbeat dads but do feel a bit sorry for the bloke in some instances. A good friend of my brother got used as an unwittingly sperm donor when his gf lied about being on the pill (and subsequently dumped him as soon as she became pregnant).

He believed her initially but the whole thing seemed suspicious as it later came out she'd been on the adoption list prior to meeting him. She then straight out asked him if he wanted to get her pregnant again as she wanted the same father for both kids. He said no but she then eventually managed to convince him she felt bad about how she'd treated him previously. They got back together and she dumped him again as soon as she was pregnant again. 😂

Guy should've seen this coming but he's just the kind of nice guy who gives people the benefit of the doubt far too much. He was even giving her money while she was on maternity leave despite her earning twice as much as him!

I do think public opinion would change if adoption was abolished or if the mother still had to retain financial responsibility for supporting her kids after giving them up.