To not pay for an unwanted child?

[Anudawan]

Hypothetical.

it came up at work today.

if the pregnancy was a result of a one night stand, regardless of whether precautions were taken, if the man doesn’t want the pregnancy and the woman decides to continue, should he be able to opt out of child support?

my personal answer and I’m not sure on the nuance (ie do you have be on the birth certificate and thus can claim parental responsibility in order to be compelled to pay maintenance or a dna test to compel the man) my personal answer is no, he cannot or shouldn’t be able to opt out once the child is born. All sex (with a woman of reproductive age) carries the risk of pregnancy, you can lower the risk but never fully remove it. Abstinence is the only way to do that. To do the action you’ve got to be prepared for the consequences. It’s very easy to flippantly say ‘get an abortion’ but for some women that isn’t viable.

Yes personally I think they should be able to op out but only in pregnant and if they’ve never met the child or had anything to do with them.

Absolutely not. Any man can opt out of the process of making a baby by opting out of sex with a fertile woman. If he doesn't want a baby, he shouldn't have sex. What happens after conception is up to the woman as he has already made his decision and decided that having a baby is OK with him.

Doesn’t make a difference gheres all ways of getting out of paying and a lot do. Although saying that if the woman doesn’t want the baby and him in her life can he fight for custody to keep the child that’s his

All the things you’ve mentioned are known risks. Don’t take the risk if you’re not prepared to accept the consequences. Woman says she’s on the pill.. your penis you protect it. Contraception failing happens all the time.. don’t want to take the risk don’t have sex. Men are the least affected by unexpected pregnancies by a country mile.

I think this is a difficult one. I know this couple, no longer married, who agreed on never-ever having children. She changed her mind, but he didn't follow. She secretely stopped taking the pill, got pregnant. They divorced. Yes he pays for the child but thinks he shouldn't, because they had an agreement. He feels she tricked him. I do inderstand him, sort-of.

I know I am completely in the minority with these thoughts but I do think that an accidental pregnancy should have both parents in agreement to keep it. If the father is clear that don’t want the child and the mother chooses to keep it, it should be on the understanding she is in her own.

We have a friend who’s had a pneumonia night stand at 17. She kept the child but didn’t want him involved and actually had another man bring the baby up as his but our friend still had to pay child maintenance for 18 years. He always says it is the most expensive shag he’s ever had.

I have a 17 year old son and I drum into him to always use a condom even if his partner says she is on the pill as women have all the power and his life will be in her hands if they get pregnant.

I do appreciate that it would be difficult to manage and some men say they will support them later in pregnancy change their mind.

Let's say a woman does totally trick a man, lies to him that she's on contraception, gets pregnant, he doesn't want it, she goes ahead....that probably isn't "fair"...but that's an issue for the adults involved. Why should the child be punished for that?

Not a real question so should be kicked out

If the DNA proves it to be his. If paying child support he should also go on the birth certificate and have parental rights

That's why it's always best to be extra safe to prevent this situation! Woman contraception, man contraception, double barrier! Also STDs.

The one I always feel most sorry for in these situations is the child, though. It seems so sad to bring a child into the world knowing its father doesn’t want anything to do them (and never wanted them in the first place). The thought of having to break that to the child one day, and the child feeling rejected is heartbreaking. Who wants to feel that they were only born due to an unplanned accident and that one of the two people who should love them more than anyone else in the world wanted nothing to do with them from even before they were born? For that reason, I insisted on using double contraception up until I was engaged and fiancée and I were definitely on the same page about it, despite having had a number of different boyfriends and been sexually active for a decade previously.

Perhaps strangely, I don’t have any issue with women choosing to use donor sperm though. That seems a different situation where a woman plans to be a mother, makes careful arrangements to do so because she wants a child so much and being able to explain that to the child when they’re old enough to understand sounds far more positive when the child was longed for and wanted in advance of their conception.

I am torn on this. The child needs support and better from the parent than the taxpayer. Also allowing him to “opt out” can result in women feeling coerced into abortions.

Men who don’t want children should be using contraception. That said I am fine if the man chooses not to be in the child’s life. But financial support remains necessary.

The child shares DNA with you , you are responsible- there is no ducking out of responsibility. You don't want children the only way to be 100% sure there is no chance of a child is not to have sex-you have sex you have a chance of responsibility.

That is a fantastic way of putting it! Poor child is always the afterthought

As a woman it's disturbing to see the amount of comments on here suggesting that women should always be allowed to bully a man into a child they don't want!

For starters I feel annoyed at the heartless people on here claiming that couples that don't want to have kids, have no right to have a normal healthy sex life! Nobody has the right to dictate who has sex!

If a pregnancy happens due to a one night stand then intelligence is required! You have a grown up conversation because a one night stand with someone you barely know means it's highly likely that neither party will want to let the pregnancy proceed! I don't like the assumption that all women would rush to become a single mother in this situation and bully the bloke!

I had a friend once who had a kid after a drunken one night stand, catholic parents made her have the baby and it was pure misery for her for years! She hated being a mother, she wasn't ready, the kid had issues & was needy, he hated not having a dad and that impacted them both all the time! She would pour her heart out to me about how she couldn't help feeling like she just wanted to give him away, she couldn't cope, it had messed up her life. Her mental health never really improved in all time I knew her and her behaviour towards a future boyfriend was all kinds of wrong.

Having a baby in those circumstances is foolish for everyone involved!

If a woman wants a one night stand - okay. But she shouldn't be able to go after the man for money if she gets pregnant.

As a woman it's disturbing to see the amount of comments on here suggesting that women should always be allowed to bully a man into a child they don't want!

There is not a single post on here that says anything close to that. This isn’t about a woman bullying a man to make a baby. This is the result of after they’ve had sex (hint, he’s already been party to making the baby, no bullying required).

Though I’m guessing what you actually are trying to say it that it’s not fair men can’t bully women into abortions.

For starters I feel annoyed at the heartless people on here claiming that couples that don't want to have kids, have no right to have a normal healthy sex life!

Heartless? Yes, those poor suffering individuals who best remain celibate if they can’t take responsibility for their actions. We should raise an awareness campaign and get Bono to sing a little song for them.

Or, you know, they could have sex with contraception and accept it’s not infallible and the consequence may be parenthood.

I understand but it’s the same risk the woman takes but she is able to abort if she wishes in the u.k. If this is your attitude, then surely you have to also disagree with abortion as the risk is being taken by both parties? A man should have no rights to force a woman to abort but he should be able to say he does not want any involvement.

If the woman isn't prepared to pay to raise a child she should have used contraception.

I very much believe that men lose the right to say what happens the second they willingly have sex. Pregnancy is a perfectly normal result of having sex and no contraception is ever going to be fool proof. We need to raise a generation of boys that are taught to protect their emissions and basically be the gatekeepers to pregnancy. Because once you have had sex you have zero say over what that woman does with her body and it can it be incredibly expensive. I also think that child support should be legally enforceable and parents that don’t cough up should be prosecuted through the courts.

Wtf imagine telling a woman she loses the right to any decisions the minute she’s had sex and that she will have to pay for a child she didn’t want for the next 18 years.

you have sex in any context the result is always a possible pregnancy. So yes the guy should pay, the women will look after the children, and often pays much more. Child support is not a reward for the mother

She does! What do you think women do when they have a child that was unplanned? They pay for it!

What??

…. Because…?