DH retiring and how to sort money

[Moneyponders]

Posting here for traffic! My DH is going to retire at 55. I totally agree with this decision as his job is extremely stressful.

He will get a lump sum of £60k and £900pm.

I am self employed and he has said he will help me run my business. In my busy periods this will be a good thing. But not necessary as I’ve managed alone for 15 years!

I don’t know how to sort the money though? He currently sends me £1k a month which covers his half of the bills. When he retires (in 2 years) the bills will be lower because the mortgage will be finished. His half of the bills without food will be £300. With food probably £500/£600. I’d feel bad taking £500 of his £900 if he’s helping me. But a lot of the time I actually don’t need help and I’m going to be £1k a month down.

Can’t see the wood for the trees! What do you think? Should I just pay for everything?

She has children that are not with him, she is right to stay separate. For richer for poorer has nothing to do with early voluntary retirement.

@Moneyponders well 60k will be gone in no time and 900 pounds will not last him very long at all. once he has given you 300-500 then he has very little left. how will he replace his clothes? what will he do when his car needs replacing? how will he afford holidays?? retiring at 55 is only really possible if you have a big pot behind you to enjoy your retirement/ remember he will be a long time before he gets his old age pension! 13 years at least! how long will it be till you can retire? do you have a big private pension pot??

He's going to be retired for 12+ years before his state pension kicks in. If he takes £5k pa from his lump sum he'll have £15,800 pa, out of which he'll have to find 50% of regular monthly outgoings. To be frank it's not enough to retire on. How will he cope with saving for a new vehicle or replacing the bathroom — or is all that going to fall on you while he mooches around?

He could easily have a 30-year retirement and I think it's unfair that he'll be relying on you to keep him topped up for the next 12 years when he could work. He won't be able to afford to do much on £15k pa, so long holidays and costly hobbies will be out of the window.

If I were you I'd knock this idea of him helping you and you paying him on the head now. It just reduces your income and redistributes them to him. He needs to find himself an independent part-time job out of the house to keep him going.

Oh, you wrote this after I had posted. Why didn't you give us the details from the start? Now I do understand why you don't want to fund him OP. Just a shame you got married instead of just living together since no children involved..

I can’t quite work out the maths.

what are your joint expenses now?
what do each contribute?

what will your joint expenses be in two years?
he will contribute £300
will it also be £300 for you?

he will have £5-600 left. What does that have to cover? Are things like supermarket shops and fuel included in bills?

Do NOT let him work in your business. That will really muddy everything and is a recipe for disaster. You don't actually need him in this work.

When the mortgage is paid off, he will send you £500 per month to cover his share of bills and food.
If he wants any more money, he has to get another job.

Meanwhile, as you have so much more money than him, I would expect you to gladly spend on things like meals out and holidays for you both - if you love him you will love to treat him to these things.

Surely it’s better to pay a proportionate amount of your salary towards household bills , as the one earning much less is disadvantaged if paying half?

Thank you for getting it!!

He can afford his half plus he’ll get interest on his 60k. Ask for half and don’t overthink it. He will have the luxury of more time at the expense of less money, that’s his choice so he’ll have to get on with it.

I don’t think you will be £2.5 down. Your assumptions are that you pay him half the income… why? It’s your business that you set up, why would you pay him half when you don’t need his help?

also you state that the mortgage will be paid off so there is a saving (assumed joint) there.

right now it doesn’t seem that his very early retirement is what’s it in both of your interests. Can he not continue in work for a few more years, you can then both enjoy the mortgage free element and it will give you time to properly financially plan.

maybe an independent financial advisor to help you both with this joint element.

tbh I don’t get the separate finances in a marriage, but everyone is different and if it works for you great - but it doesn’t sound like it is working in the new scenario

I don’t know why you bothered marrying him really 🤷‍♀️

You are not supporting him in retiring early are you? I mean have you even discussed how you are both going to live on his reduced income? Does he expect you to financially support him? Maybe he misunderstood what you meant when you said you support him.

How old are you and are you still saving for your own retirement?

I appreciate he is keen to help you in your business, but I would give a lot of thought to this. You should pay him if he is doing the sort of work you would actually pay someone to do, but if he is just being vaguely helpful in a way he always has, I would keep it like that. It is generally good to keep your job for you.

I would though expect to make some adjustment in his favour. However, I would let it settle down a bit after he retires to see exactly what that looks like. You could still split it the way you always have, but even it up again by spending more on discretionary spends than him.

I do get that it is vastly different when it is second time around and later in life.

@Moneyponders I fear he is actually looking at you as his personal cash cow, after all, that is what you have been to him for a long time now!

I'd be happy to pay 5 or 6 hundred out of my 9 hundred. You can always re-assess and adjust if it's not working well.

Yeah I already do treat him to a lot! For his 50th I took him to the Caribbean.

How long have you been together and how long have you been married? Why is discussing your finances be awkward?

I work in an area where employees retire at 55 and then continue to work in some way or other while they can, to top up the coffers and to keep them out of mischief!

my mum has just retired and at the same time her husband was made redundant and he has no plans to find another job. They have found it difficult to adapt to spending so much time together… just an additional thought

He’s not really your ‘DH’ if you are still doing his and her money. He’s your flatmate with benefits.

@Bignanna I agree on a personal level with having equal spends but as OP and her DH have always halved the living expenses, there seeems to be an expectation for this to continue. and my reply was based on that, I have always out earned my DH but we work on more or less equal spends but any bonus i get I tend to keep so i might on average have about 10% more it is still less than £400 though by a long way
This will leave leave the DH with a much much smaller free spends pot of £400 a month for clothes personal transport, car maintenance, insurance and repairs, presents, eating out, his phone bill and holidays this is not a lot compard with OP but still many many people do not have anywhere close to £400 for discretionary spending
the lump sum should be saved for major expenses like a replacement vehicle etc not living expenses

Tell him you don’t want help with the business, take and explain that you will still need him to pay half the bills. If he wants more money for kites he will need a part time job. I guess he could save you a little money as a household if you have your garden done or professional cleaning etc

could he take a smaller lump sum so his annual pension is a bit more?

Why is he retiring so early when he can't afford it. A friend of mine retired last year at 60 but that is because he has the funds to support himself really easy. This makes no sense. Leave it to him to figure out how he is going to fund the rest of his life and do not employ him.

Don’t let him into your business!!

He is choosing to retire early then so be it. The ‘oh poor him’ shouldn’t be the basis of your decision.

My question to you is that one:
At some point, you very likely we’re not earning as much and not as much as him.
Did he expect 50/50 then or to pay proportionately then?

Yikes, it sounds like he'll need to get another job OP.

Give your head a wobble.

What about holidays and house repairs.

How will chores be split once he stops working.

Just nope.

So he'll have 60k until hie pension kicks in at 67. Nope, don't support him.

It sounds like he has got used to you supporting him.

How old are you OP?

He'll need to find another job, so he can afford his purchases, taking you out and holidays, surely?

Also, we don't know what is around the next corner, what happens if your health goes, or your business goes down the pan.

I'm impressed that op has significant savings, pays for long haul holidays, all home improvements, repairs, all treats,
on 3k per month. There can't be any children/ teens or young adults at home 🤣.

The way you are looking at this is about as calculating it could get. You’re not business partners, you’re meant to be husband and wife. I married for a second time, had a child. I provided the deposit for our home and from the get go we pooled our incomes. From that day onwards we shared all costs. Most of my working life I have earned double his salary, even now as a retiree and part time worker I still earn double his income. All our income goes into a joint account, all our living expenses go out of it, we each take the same amount of spends into our own accounts and the remaining is put into a joint savings account and individual ISAs. I have never once thought ‘I earn more than him so I should have more spare money”.