DH retiring and how to sort money

[Moneyponders]

Posting here for traffic! My DH is going to retire at 55. I totally agree with this decision as his job is extremely stressful.

He will get a lump sum of £60k and £900pm.

I am self employed and he has said he will help me run my business. In my busy periods this will be a good thing. But not necessary as I’ve managed alone for 15 years!

I don’t know how to sort the money though? He currently sends me £1k a month which covers his half of the bills. When he retires (in 2 years) the bills will be lower because the mortgage will be finished. His half of the bills without food will be £300. With food probably £500/£600. I’d feel bad taking £500 of his £900 if he’s helping me. But a lot of the time I actually don’t need help and I’m going to be £1k a month down.

Can’t see the wood for the trees! What do you think? Should I just pay for everything?

Exactly I would suggest that you also want to retire, then together look at your real monthly costs, then half them.

I understand you wanting to protect your money for your children but if you feel that strongly about it you should have never married him. Especially if you have doubts about his financial literacy. Why on earth did you marry him OP?

Using terms like “I’d be down x amount” and “unfair” just doesn’t seem to sit alongside being in a partnership to me.

I agree OP. My DP is older than me and will retire before me. I will be working full time for quite some years yet, but in hard a job I don’t really like. I’d like to retire too tbh, stop working, and I resent the suggestion here that I pay to run the house and buy food, and split the leftover spends with him. Feels like I should get more as I’m working, he’ll be kicking back all day. Is that really selfish, maybe.

OP when would you like to retire?

If right now he spends every penny of his salary, apart from current mortgage payments and pension contributions, he’s probably blowing £20-25k a year minimum on general life, including bills/food etc. So £900 a month is £10,800 a year. Unless he can rein himself in significantly, his £60k will last 6 years. Maybe less. He’s got 12 years until state pension age. He doesn’t sound like someone with a good track record of living frugally. I genuinely don’t think he can afford to retire unless you subsidise him, and I think it’s perfectly ok to say no. Most people can’t live on £10k a year. Most people can’t afford to retire at 55.

What happens in case of divorce? Are your savings etc protected?
It doesn't sound like he can afford to retire yet.

That’s not quite how a partnership works. If my husband retired and his pay dropped from £2k to £900, and so he paid £1k less for bills and I paid him £1.5k instead… we would still both be down £1,100 (the difference between his pay and his pension) because we’re a partnership…

I think you tell him that you don't really need him to work for you.
Since your mortgage has finished, tell him £450 of his money will cover bills , food ECT.
That he can use his savings on his hobbies.
I would cover holidays as your going to have more cash that him

Exactly !

Reading all .. He is not in a position to retire at 55 .. I do wonder why on earth you got married . All your savings are marital assets ..

it looks like he already lets you pick up any slack . He might be paying half the bills but you should be contributing equally to takeaways / treats .

I would be suggesting he looks for a less stressful job - maybe less money .

Assuming he is on approximately £3,000 where is the rest of his money going ?

Now imagine that your child was actually from your first marriage. Your second husband tells you he's leaving you and taking half of everything. How do you feel about that?

Presumably you don't want him to share some of that million pound inheritance?

It is absolute madness to rely on an inheritance.

And this! presumably it's tied up in property

You got married, how on earth can you not view retirement as a joint effort? So what if you got married later... you got married.

What's his plan? Has he calculated that £900 is enough to pay his share? Usually when people retire early they have been saving like crazy so they can pay their lifestyle. But his plan is to live on £900/mo that doesn't cover his bills? He must be aware that you have separate finances and you won't subsidise since he won't be sharing his money with you? Surely his planning on using ££ from his retirement savings?

If you're married then all assets are joint and in the pot if you get divorced. Paying 50/50 or having separate accounts doesn't change that. OP shouldn't have got married tbh. At the point she did, she effectively gave half her assets away, however they manage their finances whilst married.

In a divorce situation, 50/50 would be the starting point. Unless there's still dependent minor children in the mix or it's a short marriage, that's likely the outcome. Possibly weighted in DHs favour if he's retired and OP is still working.

I don’t think this perspective is necessarily selfish, however surely it’s something you’d consider before settling down with someone older than you?

He can’t afford to retire at 55. End of. You already support/subsidise his lifestyle. Do you really want to fully fund it? If you want to retire at 55 (I do), then you need to be financially responsible and save up to make it a reality. He hasn’t put in the hard work required to make this dream work. The work he has done is to train you that it’s somehow your responsibility to pay for him.

Are the savings etc from before the marriage martial assets to be split down the middle in a future divorce? It is not only assets accrued during the marriage that are split down the middle?

I retired at 65 and would have loved to work part time for a while but my job wasn't one that lent itself to part time working. The first 12 months or so after you retire are a bit of a novelty then you really need structure in your day.
I personally think age 55 is far too young to retire and at that age he would be far better off taking a lower paid less stressful job until perhaps the OP retires as well. I think have 12 months off after he retires from his main job, then look for something to give him some structure to his day and earn a little as well until he gets his state pension.
Believe me retirement is a huge shake up of your life and nothing really prepares you for it, you have to think really hard about how you handle it and how it affects those around you.

How on earth would it be financial abuse? Perhaps she should also decide to take early retirement because she feels stressed and then claim financial abuse if he doesn't want to pay for her. What nonsense.

It seems to me that this financial stuff is probably the tip of the iceberg. You’re married to this guy? Have you ever asked yourself (or him) why it is awkward to discuss your joint finances? I understand you came in to the relationship from different financial positions, but from what you’ve said this has been a barrier preventing you from entering into a joint financial partnership. If you’re married then you’re both entitled to half of each-others wealth - including inheritance. Maybe consider some couples therapy to explore why you’ve reached this hiatus.

My husband is £2.5k down every month because he works and I’m retired. But as we are married it all goes in the pot and we spend it together on us and our life together. Your marriage sounds horribly transactional.

Unless it's a short marriage, it'll be everything in the pot. Doesn't matter whose name is on what. That's exactly what marriage is. A legal sharing of lives and finances.

I understand OPs frustration about her DH retiring early, (and I absolutely think he should find another job to top up income), but like it or not, getting married means sharing finances. OP can't act as if she's single when it comes to finances when she's married.

If he also a big spender, there is even more reason for him to continue to work but perhaps in an easier or part time role. He can't just make a unilateral decision to retire 12 years early and expect you to subsidise him even more than you have bee doing already. He needs to take responsibility for his own retirement unless there is a good reason he can't eg serious ill health.