DH retiring and how to sort money

[Moneyponders]

Posting here for traffic! My DH is going to retire at 55. I totally agree with this decision as his job is extremely stressful.

He will get a lump sum of £60k and £900pm.

I am self employed and he has said he will help me run my business. In my busy periods this will be a good thing. But not necessary as I’ve managed alone for 15 years!

I don’t know how to sort the money though? He currently sends me £1k a month which covers his half of the bills. When he retires (in 2 years) the bills will be lower because the mortgage will be finished. His half of the bills without food will be £300. With food probably £500/£600. I’d feel bad taking £500 of his £900 if he’s helping me. But a lot of the time I actually don’t need help and I’m going to be £1k a month down.

Can’t see the wood for the trees! What do you think? Should I just pay for everything?

You sound to me like a successful woman who knows her own mind and who is in a second marriage where the financial lines are clear. I find it surprising that this sort of thing is not fully out in the open between you both (not a criticism-just an observation that you seem to have a straightforward set up with clear boundaries).

I think it is very clear that there should be no expectation that you support his very early retirement (snd I personally don't see that as a suggestion you're not a partnership- it is just how you've both been in this relationship) and I find it a bit odd that his retirement plans have led to a grey area where youb dont seem to know what each other are thinking/expecting.

That seems reasonable to me. Had DH expressed how he sees things being financially? If the mortgage will be paid off by his retirement you won’t be out of pocket. Do you both contribute to the mortgage?

So again, when you married him, did you think the vows and legal contract you signed were just sort of a little joke?

OK this puts a different spin on things. Does he realise that if he wants to retire early the frivolous spending will have to stop?

How much is/ was the mortgage?

But food/alcohol isn’t a business expense?

you say you are fine with him retiring but actually (and understandably) I don’t think you are, since realistically you’d be subsidising him significantly.

Given you don’t actually need help if your business, why doesn’t he just get a different lower stress job, maybe part time, so he can contribute a fair amount?

But if you're a partnership, you personally are not £2500 down. You, as a couple, are down the difference between his salary and his pension. And, as a couple, you can either afford that, or you can't.

If you, as a couple, can - no problem. If you, as a couple, can't- he'll need to look for another job to top up the family income.

Married couples share!

But your bills will be 1000-1200 per month when he retires (as the mortgage will be paid off). If you pay the bills , it leaves you 1800-2000 per month. He'll have 900. You currently have 2k per month left over ( I assume you both currently contribute 1k ). So not really any different.
I don't see how you will be 2.5k per month down.

He pays his half of the bills and funds his half of holidays with his 60k.

Yes we are married what mine is his and what his is mine.

Don't use your business to subsidise his income, if he wants/needs extra money he can get a part-time job.

So he’s used to having 3k a month to spend and is seriously thinking he can go down to 900k a month in 2 years time with no loss of lifestyle? He hasn’t really thought this through

So he has no savings?!

Does he realise how poor he is about to become

Op at least have the conversation with him!

fgs and also come on sure you’ll benefit from that 2 million

I think that to live how you want to live you need to not be married basically and just be partners who live together. I cannot for the life of me understand what made you think it was a good idea to marry someone who you already knew was completely finacially illiterate when you are the complete opposite yourself.

so if you both pay 50% of the bills it is £500 each once mortgage paid off, this leaves DH with £400 a month for personal spending (without using his lump sum or other savings) and you £2500, if you have always had completely separate finances and he thinks £400 is enough for his personal needs it's ok ( it'sdouble what I have left over) but unless he uses his savings he won't be going on luxury long haul holidays and that is up to him; he may prefer to retire and live more simply
As you say his job is very demanding
he may once had a few months off get a small part time job to supplement that
the other idea is for him to save as much as possible in the 2 years running up to retirement to increase his savings asit appears h is reasonably well paid now
I do think if he does help you in your business and you accept that help he needs to be paid which will reduce your tax bill too

you need to discuss life style expectations too regarding holidays eating out etc

Thank you I agree. We started talking about his retirement about 5 years ago. Mainly on dog walks. It’s been airy fairy and we’ve never sat down to hammer out how the money would work. It’s all a bit awkward.

I'm more surprised by the fact that you have chosen to live in a partnership where you don't pool your ressources. But each to their own.

If he's working in your business surely he will be paid a suitable hourly rate? You need to factor that into your plans.

This! ⬆️

If you both agree that your finances are separate then he can't retire AND have disposable income. He needs to pay in 50% of household expenses as do you.
He may not mind that he can't afford holidays because he won't need a break in the same way as if he was working. Are you happy to go alone or with friends?

So he financially incontinent and wants to give up his income and live in poverty.

Time to give his head a wobble OP

Keep the money separate. Could he not top his money up with a part time role?

I was confused already by you talking of being £1k per month down, which didn’t seem to align with your OP. Now you’re saying you’d be £2.5k per month down? I don’t get it. Is he asking for a salary?!

If you don’t want him to ‘help out’ with your business now is the time to tell him.

The only way is for each to put a proportion eg a third of their salary, into a joint account for household bills and expenses, keeping the remainder of what they earn in single current accounts. I would never agree to pool all our income. I want my own independent money to use without question, to save or spend as I please, buy the other half presents etc It’s fairer and saves arguments.