DH retiring and how to sort money

[Moneyponders]

Posting here for traffic! My DH is going to retire at 55. I totally agree with this decision as his job is extremely stressful.

He will get a lump sum of £60k and £900pm.

I am self employed and he has said he will help me run my business. In my busy periods this will be a good thing. But not necessary as I’ve managed alone for 15 years!

I don’t know how to sort the money though? He currently sends me £1k a month which covers his half of the bills. When he retires (in 2 years) the bills will be lower because the mortgage will be finished. His half of the bills without food will be £300. With food probably £500/£600. I’d feel bad taking £500 of his £900 if he’s helping me. But a lot of the time I actually don’t need help and I’m going to be £1k a month down.

Can’t see the wood for the trees! What do you think? Should I just pay for everything?

So if your partner gets £million sooner rather than later will you carry on working and contribute to half the bills? And when partner wants to go on a luxury cruise round the world will he be sat there wondering how your going to pay your way.
Sounds like you are paying lip service to being happy for him to retire but don't want to support him. Be honest with him and tell him what's yours is yours and you don't want to share. Paints you in a lovely light.

If you pay all the bills, you'll still have more than double the money he has . If you aren't happy to do this , surely it's not realistic for him to retire yet. Keeping over 2k per month for yourself whilst he has 300-400 will cause issues. Im assuming that his 60k lump sum is either going into savings or being spent on things that are mutually beneficial . If not and he's keeping it all for himself, then fair enough, he can pay half the bills.

It is absolute madness to rely on an inheritance.

But he won’t owe you £1k a month when the mortgage is paid.
It’s not about sharing your income, it’s about paying him for any contribution he makes to your business. If you don’t want to pay him then don’t have him help you with the business.

I have significant savings, so this would not be an issue. We currently take 2 long haul holidays every year. I don’t want to support him, no. Maybe this is because we are on second marriages?

Why? Because £3k plus his £900 /m pension isn't enough enough to support the household on, or because you don't consider yourselves a partnership?

You don't want to support him. Totally reasonable. Tell him.

Also, why haven't you told him your business doesn't need help?

His £60k will be kept by him. His inheritance will be kept by him.

I think you have a point. The help would be nice and definitely make my life easier, but it’s not necessary. I’ve done it alone for 15 years.

Ah well, you shouldn't have got married really! For richer or for poorer...

Well he can’t retire at 55, can he? He doesn’t have enough money.

Speak to him about how realistic it is then . With 300-400 per month left for himself , a lot of time on his hands and an expectation of two long haul holidays a year, his 60k will soon be gone. Do you not have any shared savings or money, is absolutely everything separate?

Of course we are a partnership. But if he no longer contributes his £1k a month and I have to pay him £1.5k a month, I’m essentially £2.5k a month down!!

To retire at 55 surely he has been saving to
support early retirement? And he has his £60k lump sum to eke out.

To cover his living costs.

How long after him do you plan to retire?

Are you in a romantic relationship? I find it odd that one partner has much more than the other, doesn't sound like a partnership at all. Do you even care for him? You sound so worried about him paying his way and you being "down" if he pays less even though it shouldn't really matter because you've got much more than he does anyway..

Everything is separate.

Did you not bother paying much attention to the vows you made on your wedding day?

There is no “yours” and “his”, you are legally tied together.

You should essentially ensure you are both left with equal spending money, after all bills are paid. That is fair, and that’s a partnership.

But it's not about you and him individually.

Will £3k plus £900 support the household? If so, no problem. If not, he needs to look for another job to top up his pension, so there is an additional income source coming into the household.

So you could just be £2.5k a month down overnight?

Surely he needs to get a lower stress part time job to supplement his pension income. It doesn't sound like he can afford to completely retire.

But you aren’t £2.5k down? Why do you keep repeating that?

Why would you expect him to continue to pay the same amount after the mortgage is paid off? Unless you planned to profit from him? So him continuing to pay have the bills and expenses but not the mortgage because it’s been paid off isn’t you being “down”.

And why would you transfer him half your income? You’re making such hyperboles.

Why did you decide to get married? Your significant savings would be half his if you divorced. Same with everything else you both have with the exception of his potential inheritance, that is normally not considered a matrimonal asset. I don't think it's realistic to be this rigid when it comes to money and assets when you have chosen to marry someone because in reality everything is shared.

Why would you be £2.5k down though? It doesn't sound like he would suddenly demand half of your £3k if your finances have always been separate?

He was in dreadful financial difficulties when we met. He lived with me rent free for a few years, so I could help him. I also paid off some loans of his. I have also paid for everything in the home, all repairs etc. I also pay for all meals out, takeaways and treats. We actually earn the exact same amount, even though we are in very different jobs. But I don’t spend a lot on frivolities and I save a lot, whereby he is a spender, we have multiple things delivered to the house every week, he buys stupid shit, like metal detectors, exercise balls, kites,… A load of crap that never gets used and gets thrown in the garage. If I shared my money with him, it would be gone in a heartbeat.

But you won’t be down that. If the mortgage is paid and the bills go down to 600 then your bills will be down too surely? I wouldn’t worry what you will pay him for helping you at this point. Surely if/when you accept the help you could sort it then.
Has he not spoke about how he will support himself?