BE - dog and newborn guilt

[Cat921]

Three weeks ago we had our reactive 14 year old Jack Russell put to sleep because of his strange behaviour around our newborn baby and I feel so guilty.

Our dog was our whole life. We loved him dearly! My husband had him before we met since he was a puppy so for 14 years and I had him for 9 years. He was very reactive and we changed our whole life since I have known my husband for him. He was very territorial of the home and we couldn’t invite people over so we would have to put him upstairs away from visitors. He had previously bitten two people who entered the house quite a few years previously.
He accepted my mum eventually after she give him treats but had to be introduced with a muzzle. On walks we kept him close to use as he did not like other dogs or people and we were unsure if he would bite out of anxiety. He was an anxious dog who hated baths, blowing out candles, and sneezes. He would need to be on a lead in the garden as he hated the dog next door and would bark at him incessantly through the fence and we also were worried about him getting out and potentially biting someone out of fear. He hated when parcels would be dropped off and we would have to fight to get to the door. He had three people in his life he was fine with and who he loved. He hated the car and we could not take him anywhere or to public places as he would get so anxious.

When we first returned home, for the first three days we were surprised as our dog was fine with our newborn and we introduced them from a distance and let him smell her blanket and baby grow. I bought extra treats and toys for him. I naively thought he would be fine but my husband had had prior reservations before we brought her home. We were hoping he would sense my pregnancy as he would always sit on my knee for cuddles. After a few days, he barked at my baby in her Moses basket and my husband grew unsure of his intentions. He started becoming stressed when she cried as if he realised that she was suddenly here and would hide under the table and started weeing in the house. We never sanctioned him for this. He then started taking an interest in the Moses basket in the living room and was obsessed with jumping up at it even when she wasn’t crying. He wasn’t necessarily bothered about her when I was holding her on the sofa. We contacted a dogs trust behaviourist for advice. We couldn’t have a behaviourist come to the house as he does not accept visitors. He then continued to bark when she cried and we recorded my babies cried and used a doll (suggested by dogs trust) to positively reinforce him leaving it alone with treats but this did not work. He then started jumping up at me on the sofa when holding my baby with his tail down and we recorded this and sent to dogs trust who said it was potentially concerning behaviour. Our dog slept in our bed with us his whole life and our baby had her next to me crib in there and I felt uneasy about him accessing it if I was asleep at night as it was on his level. He never bothered it the previous nights but I ended up sleeping downstairs with her the few nights after that which was hard with a newborn. We had to put his muzzle on to calm him in the house as he would not leave the Moses basket alone.

We were able to manage all of this behaviour previous to my daughter being born as he was the most loving dog with us and never bit us or showed any aggression to me and my husband. We loved him so much but this was hard to manage with a newborn. I think I know ultimately it was the right decision but feel bad as he looked to me to protect him and would always come to me when scared! The guilt is awful! It was such a stressful situation and hormones were everywhere and feel we should have gave him longer than a week to adjust but me and my partner just were unsure of his behaviour and couldn’t read him and weren’t sure if we could take that chance with our newborn. We were worried this anxiety would manifest itself into aggression. We could not rehome him as he would not do well in that situation and could be a potential risk to strangers. We also read that dogs don’t see babies as human and as potentially an animal and prey which scared us. We are heartbroken that we had to make this decision. Anyone had a similar situation and how do I deal with this guilt?

You absolutely did the right thing. No question. Your dog should have been put to sleep when it first started biting people. Look how ridiculously restrictive your lives had become because of the need to protect everyone from the possibility of being bitten by him! I understand your guilt. I felt the same when I had my own reactive Jack Russell put to sleep when he was ten years old. I recognise all you say in your post as that was my life too. That was 18 months ago and I now have a perfectly friendly normal delightful cocker spaniel. How different life is with her! This is how life with a dog should be- anyone can come to my door, anyone can visit. I can go anywhere with her and she is safe around dogs and people, including children. In time I hope your guilt will lessen, and you will realise that you gave your dog 14 good loving years.

She didn’t “murder” it. If you want to get into the facts of it like that, then the vet did. The vet was the one who killed it. Not the OP.

Quite frankly dogs get PTS for human aggression all the time. This dog got luckier than most for not being PTS earlier.

Also, all those claiming this dog was a healthy dog, do you believe that in humans mental illness is an actual illness? Why not in dogs? This wasn’t a healthy dog mentally. It was suffering mentally. So is it ok to put down a dog that’s suffering physically but not mentally? You’d allow humans sick leave for mental health as well as physical health. We obviously don’t put humans down for any type of health issues. But these days we do acknowledge that mental health is just as important as physical heath and treat it accordingly.

It’s not mental though- it’s just a different perspective. The vast majority of people believe that animals’ lives are disposable/ of little value. The wants/ desires/ needs of humans are more important than the lives of animals. there’s no objective basis for holding this perspective- it’s just the way that most people think/ feel (for fairly obvious reasons).
A few people don’t see things that way- they don’t see animal lives as so disposable. That is perfectly valid as the fact is that the world around us is much larger and bigger than human lives.

I genuinely did not think I would ever have to make this decision. Like I said when we initially came home he was fine for about 2/3 days then his behaviour changed. He was such a lovely dog to me and my husband not a ‘horrible’ dog as others have said. We loved him with all our heart! I never thought in a million years I would be in this situation or have to do this and I too when heard of situations like this did not agree but it isn’t until you are in the situation where you feel you can’t protect your newborn or are unsure then it puts things in perspective. I love my baby and would not change having her but I do wish things were different and he was here too. I do think mentally something was not quite right and we did try numerous things over the years and got advice from professionals. It wasn’t easy living the way we did and we would have loved it if he was a dog who could travel in the car, take on holiday with us and join in with celebrations when having people over. He was just very anxious about most things apart from our life in the house but that changed but I am not sorry about the loving home we gave him for 14 years. Thank you so much for most people’s kind words. I hope no one finds themselves in a situation like this.

I 100% agree with the PP who you swore at when they called you out on your disgraceful behaviour.

You got rid of your dog and replaced it because life was difficult. You should be ashamed, not boastful, and certainly not swearing at people who call out your utterly disgraceful and disgusting behaviour.

I’m so sorry OP. Be kind to yourself xx

You can do one too. I was living exactly as the OP described- no visitors, couldn't answer the door,couldn't have anyone in the do work, life more and more restricted. Dog very scared stressed and unhappy, behaviourists said nothing more could be done. He had bitten numerous people, requiring hospital attention on several occasions. I was heartbroken at the decision I had to make.

If a dog is a danger to anybody, who will attack someone or an animal unprovoked then it needs to be PTS. All it takes is leaving the door open and it's out attacking people then gets PTS anyway but then you have a whole can of worms to contend with.

I can't imagine those who oppose to BE would be happy if they were walking down the street minding their own business would be happy if a dog came out of nowhere and bit them. I would be furious, even a small dog can do damage. I have a job which requires me to be on my feet carrying trays and stuff, if I needed stitches I couldn't work and would lose money. I would absolutely be going after the owner to claim it back and I wouldn't be very nice about it. If it were my kids who got hurt there would be hell to pay.

That's obviously worse case scenario but it is has happened and is something to think about when you have a highly aggressive dog.

This. Please don't feel guilty because you did the right thing.

I don't think you did the wrong thing at all, you really do have to prioritise the safety of your child and you sound like very caring people. However for anyone else reading this thread, the training advice the Dog's Trust provide, for anything more than very basic training, is generally pretty useless. In my (significant) experience of working with rescue dogs or seeing other trainers work with rescue dogs, the Dog's Trust are woefully ill equipped to deal with serious behaviour issues. This is reflected by the significant number of dogs they rehome with multiple restrictions i.e. can't be around dogs/kids/off lead/muzzled/walked in secure areas/must live what equates to a secure unit where no one ever visits or walks past the front door etc.) I wouldn't go near them with a barge pole if I was looking for training advice.

I can't imagine those who oppose to BE would be happy if they were walking down the street minding their own business would be happy if a dog came out of nowhere and bit them

This actually happened to my partner. Obviously we were not happy and spoke to the owners (neighbours) , but did we want the dog to be killed? Absolutely not.

Dog lover here. You did the right thing.

I completely agree with you.

she couldn't wait as her wants came over the dog's right to life.

And this is how it should be.

Why is that how it should be out of interest?

The OP wanting to reproduce is more important than putting her future on hold because of a reactive dog. Because human beings are more important than dogs. However crazy this country has become.

No. No it shouldn't be like this. You don't kill a "beloved", healthy family pet because you want to breed. What the fuck?

if the dog is a risk to the baby, you may have to. Better the dog is pts safely than a baby is mauled to death.

This was not a healthy pet. This was a reactive biting dangerous animal that could have killed an infant.
Cop yourself on. Babies trump dogs.

God, there are some mental attitudes on this thread. Imagine thinking a dog is more important than a human baby. Ffs. Madness.

OP, you did the right thing. I am sorry for your loss, but your newborn is helpless and it wasn't safe to have a volatile dog around.

Do you think health only means physical health? The dog was not mentally healthy at all.

lol