Children not in her care

[Mummaonherown]

I have had issues with my lying cheating ex for months.
He's got a new girlfriend and he has lied about her name, where she is from and whether she had children, all really small issues that I don't think someone really needs to lie about. It made me think he had something to hide.
Right, now I have found out (he admitted it) that she doesn't have her 3 children in her care full time. Am I right to be concerned about this? I thought it was strange as I've spoken to him a few times during the week and he's in the pub with her at 9 at night, she she seems to always be able to drive him around (this was before I found out she had kids) but now I know she's got kids, I was wondering where they were.
I questioned him last night and he admitted it.
From my understanding it takes quite a lot for a mother to loose custody of her children.
My ex asked me not to say anything about his "colourful past" as she would walk.
Now I understand why he has lied so much, he/they are hiding something.
Should I be concerned about her being around my child 4/5 months in?

Should I be concerned about her being around my child 4/5 months in?

What can you expect to do about any of this @Mummaonherown if you do substantiate your concerns?

I think you're right to have questions, I certainly would along the lines of - has she abused her children for them to be taken away.

I would ensure your kids are never alone with her.

Can you do a Sarah’s law application? Contact local social services to see if they can advise you?

@JacquesHarlow I honestly don't know, but the lies have been something else.
Life happens, but surely if it was all innocent then lies wouldn't need to be told. My son doesn't even know her real name.
I just think there's more to it - doesn't sit right with me.

Sarah’s Law is for child sexual offences which is less likely with a female parent. Social services can’t tell you anything about her or why her children aren’t in her care but they may need to know she’s in a new relationship where children are involved, so worth letting them know.

@crackashark would she know that I've done this?

@TY78910 she goes swimming with my son, and has taken her children along it was my son who told me this.
My ex has lied and said she wasn't there (calling our son a liar) and then admitting it later on.
We had a row the other day, where I said he spends more time with her children than his own and he said something along the lines of "that really isn't the case" almost saying they weren't there, but he's at her home pretty much every night, so where are they.
It's all a bit suspect at the moment, there's definitely something being hid from me and it's making me uneasy

It also depends on what you mean by not in her care. Are they with their other parent (in which case there may be nothing untoward going on) or are they in the care of the local authority - in which case you’re talking significant neglect or abuse. Context is everything here.

The inability to see the future I suppose? Like everyone else?

Yes - need to use Clare’s Law instead for info.

No they wouldn’t tell her.

If she’s taking them swimming unsupervised, this suggests they’re just mostly with their dad(s), rather than in care?

You never know I'm not abusive etc but my husband twisted my teenager kids against me and they want to stay with dad. Is hard for me but over the certain age kids can decide with whom they want to be. My husband is toxic and do everything to destroy me. Is heart breaking for me.

You've said she doesn't have her children in her care full time, and also that it takes a lot for a mother to lose custody. But not having her children full time doesn’t mean that (I mean, you don’t have your children full time, since they are sometimes with their dad) - is it 50:50, does she have them every other weekend, is she happy with the arrangement or did she want to see them but is actually prevented from having anything other than supervised contact?

I agree with PP, this is a mess.

the likelihood is that your ex feels that if you knew she was around, you would have something to say about it. Men tend to find lying easier than potentially going in to a hard conversation but obviously forget that there is a major fallout at the end of that.

if I were you, I’d ask him for a sit down conversation and ask him to be honest and not defensive. State this conversation is to do with what’s best for your DC. Write down all the questions you have about this woman (is she a danger? Why are you lying about her being around? Is she involved with drugs?) and based on that conversation you can choose how you go forward.

it may be that she was young, didn’t have money, struggled with the children and therefore found that having them with the other parent FT was in their best interest and it was a mutual decision

it can also be that the kids were taken away which is a different situation and you can judge that by him being transparent

For me it would depend on why she doesn't have her children living with her.

Also, your ex lying suggests it's not good anyway.

You just need to get to the truth, then you can make a decision and move forward accordingly.

What a dick comment

Do you know what age they are?

Is too complicated I have women refuge involved at the moment. IS a big problem with accomodation because I'm entitled only to one bed if I move out and I want kids 50/50. I might be stuck for ages as I don't want to leave kids.

@crackashark this is what I initially thought, but if this was the case, then why lie about the small facts.