Children not in her care

106 replies

Mummaonherown · 18/03/2025 09:06

I have had issues with my lying cheating ex for months.
He's got a new girlfriend and he has lied about her name, where she is from and whether she had children, all really small issues that I don't think someone really needs to lie about. It made me think he had something to hide.
Right, now I have found out (he admitted it) that she doesn't have her 3 children in her care full time. Am I right to be concerned about this? I thought it was strange as I've spoken to him a few times during the week and he's in the pub with her at 9 at night, she she seems to always be able to drive him around (this was before I found out she had kids) but now I know she's got kids, I was wondering where they were.
I questioned him last night and he admitted it.
From my understanding it takes quite a lot for a mother to loose custody of her children.
My ex asked me not to say anything about his "colourful past" as she would walk.
Now I understand why he has lied so much, he/they are hiding something.
Should I be concerned about her being around my child 4/5 months in?

OP posts:

Julieju1 · 18/03/2025 20:55

It could all be innocent, or there could be more to it.
Her social media profiles could be false names. I know lots of people who work in jobs that could make them targets online, they use fake names on social media.
Sit down and talk to your ex. Explain your fears.
Perhaps calling social services may help, they can't give you any info about her, but if you explain your worries, they can look her up. If she is a risk to children, they will act on it. This won't work if she is using a fake name online though.
Could you try a Google photo search using her profile photo?

Farmwifefarmlife · 18/03/2025 20:57

Mummaonherown · 18/03/2025 09:19

@TY78910 she goes swimming with my son, and has taken her children along it was my son who told me this.
My ex has lied and said she wasn't there (calling our son a liar) and then admitting it later on.
We had a row the other day, where I said he spends more time with her children than his own and he said something along the lines of "that really isn't the case" almost saying they weren't there, but he's at her home pretty much every night, so where are they.
It's all a bit suspect at the moment, there's definitely something being hid from me and it's making me uneasy

Could they be with their farther rather than in care?

Itsabeautifulthing · 18/03/2025 22:03

Grammarnut · 18/03/2025 12:02

Women who leave their children get huge stick whilst men who do the same get little. There may be reasons why OP's ex's GF doesn't have her DC full-time and they don't have to be because she was abusive of them. In fact, since she has them some week-ends and is unsupervised with them suggests that there is no issue other than that the parenting arrangements are not what OP - and a lot of judgemental people on here - approve of.
OP should keep out of her ex's love life. It's a massive red flag that she doesn't.

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Its not unsupervised if her boyfriend is there though is it? And don't pretend it isn't rare for a woman not to have custody, im not being sexist its just reality. And I'm not saying she definitely is abusive or a drug addict etc but the lying would make me suspicious. The OP is just protecting her children as any one with sense would do.

Swirlingceilings · 18/03/2025 23:01

CJsGoldfish · 18/03/2025 20:00

There is a huge flaw in self reported data? Who is reporting that it starts then?
There are always signs but no one wants to admit that there were and they ignored them and went ahead anyway. There are enough feelings of guilt and shame already.
No, it's easier to say it came out of the blue.
I think it's more a case that children will become the catalyst for women to speak up.

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I’d admit I ignored red flags, but it was definitely true that the violence only started once I was pregnant. I don’t think people lie about that, why would they? Plus it’s obvious that it starts then because these men think they own you at that point and that you won’t leave.

FYI I did leave, the very first time it happened, when I was pregnant. Obviously I then realised how many red flags I had missed, but I am not perfect and couldn’t undo the past.

MissDoubleU · 19/03/2025 11:51

Mummaonherown · 18/03/2025 17:54

@Hollowvoice back in January when he first mentioned someone else (he was still trying it with me, asking for me back at this point) he said that they were seeing each other every day or every other day (at this point I didn't know about her children) but with all the other little things he has said and then taken back, if it's true that they were seeing each other every day or every other day then it just leaves me wondering, where were the kids. All I know it's 3 under 10.

Like I said, something doesn't sit right, I knew who his last gf was we spoke and planned to meet but they spilt not long before we planned to.
It's the lies, I haven't looked into anything apart from seeing her pop up on my FB and on what's app from him using my phone.

Could they have been at school, perhaps?

Original poster

Mummaonherown · 19/03/2025 13:08

@MissDoubleU not in the evenings, my ex works and at that time we were still in regular contact, it was the evening's he used to disappear around 8ish maybe before

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