Someone called the bloody police on me

[GloriaGee]

And I just feel so completely overwhelmed and devastated.

My son has SEN. He had a meltdown tonight and was trying to hurt me and himself. I restrained him by putting my arms around him, which subsequently led to him screaming for me to get off him.

All calmed down and reading books in bed, when I get a knock on my door. Police officer saying someone called saying they heard a child shouting help (this is not true).

Cue them walking in and seeing my son looking at him with a cheeky smile on his face. When asked if he'd been hurt he said 'only my feelings' then proceeded to talk about how his tablet had been taken away.

I feel completely paranoid not knowing which of my neighbours called (my house is so far back off the road, nobody walks past here). I feel devastated knowing that somebody thinks I have abused my child.

I feel sick. My son is scared the police are going to take him away.

I am so, so tired. I spend all my time keeping my cool, deep breathing through the meltdowns, giving him love and kindness despite him having kicked or hit me 30 mins earlier.

It happened nearly 3 hours ago and I still feel nauseous and tearful.

That must be really tough OP, try not to take it so personally, the neighbour 100% did the right thing (although not needed in your situation). Can you speak to your neighbours and explain the situation? The police will have seen how things are and that all is ok so I’m sure there is nothing to worry about

I would try and turn it around and feel grateful that you have a neighbour that was well meaning and didn’t turn a blind eye.

Nothing bad happened, everything is ok.

That must feel really difficult.

Is it possible whoever called doesn’t know your child has SEN, or what an incident can involve?

I don’t know what happens in this sort of situation but I’d hope that the police would go back to the person who reported and let them know that all is well.

Hope you are both ok. Presumably Police were satisfied and left.
Your son was screaming get off me loud enough to heard outside. It’s same as a child shouting for help. Whilst there was an innocent explanation it’s better someone was concerned and called for help. If he’d injured you eg pushed you over and you’d hit your head, you both may have needed help.

Yes as PP said better to have concerned neighbours than those that don’t give a shit. Police would rather come out and find everything is ok than something worse.

I hear you. It’s my biggest fear too. My (AuDHD) DD went through a very tiresome phase of pretending we’d pushed her - or when she ran at you and you put your hands up to protect yourself, she’d dramatically rebound off you (think Italian footballer or telenovela) and yell “YOU PUSHED ME!” when melting down. Thankfully this seems to have passed.

Can you talk to him about what might have happened?

From the neighbours point of view it is always better to call and it be investigated and found to be something like this, a none incident, than do nothing and a child is genuinely being harmed. With horror stories in the news like Sara Sharif it is always better to be safe than sorry, imagine how you'd live with yourself if you heard what sounded like abuse, did nothing, and a child was killed.

Of course the OP’s not blaming the neighbours. But it’s very shaming to think people think she’s the sort of parent who needs the police calling. I think maybe you need to have been there to get it

I would also be mortified but I’d also say you know that you didn’t do anything wrong so really who cares what other people think. It’s hard enough to deal with those needs of a child. Assuming the police were kind and understanding so really nothing has happened. You don’t need to be embarrassed or ashamed and in reality the neighbour probably did the right thing .

As a police officer it isn't unusual for us to get these kinds of calls. I agree it was likely well meaning and based on a valid belief that a welfare check was needed. It's really important that agencies such as Police and Social Services are viewed as positive supports rather than the enemy, despite a seemingly common misconceptionsl that we like to get people in trouble just for our own amusement, or that SS take kids away willy nilly this simply isn't the case. We are all parents / sisters / brothers/ actual people with lives and families ourselves and we simply don't have time to stick our beak in where it's not needed nor firm judgements about families who clearly just had a wobbly moment in whatever form. Honestly, it'll be done and dusted in everyone else's mind. I do get how you feel this, perhaps a note through the neighbours door dressed up as an apology for any disturbance and a brief explanation as to the issues you face might make you feel better about it.

I'm so sorry. As a parent of an ND child, I understand how frightening this is. I am surprised my neighbours haven't called the police on my before now when my child has been shouting at us to let her go mid-meltdown!

That must be very upsetting OP. You have nothing to worry about though.
On the other hand, it’s much better that people call the police if worried, even if they aren’t really sure, and the police check it out and confirm everything is okay. Ot would be far worse if a child in danger was missed because no one did anything.

not the same really but I recently stayed in a hotel and heard something that sounded like someone in some level of distress similar to what you were describing, i called the hotel reception for a welfare check and they soon called me back to let me know it was an adult with SEN experiencing a meltdown or similar with a carer present trying to calm them down and that they had checked on the situation and it was all okay. i felt bad that i had caused the hotel reception to disturb them but also felt very relieved once i knew the reality of the situation and ultimately felt that i had done the right thing as i would far rather have intervened and had it be fine/a misunderstanding than not said anything and have the situation be more malicious or dangerous. so sorry to hear you were upset and completely understand why but just know its very unlikely the neighbour meant anything bad by it at all and it is not a judgement on you <3

I just feel so angry because they told the police that the child was shouting 'help' and it's just a complete lie. They've obviously embellished it to get a quick response. The police officer was great and I'm not even angry at the person who calked (apart from the untruth), i just feel a bit sick.

And to the police officer's credit he had a chat with DS about how when the tablet goes off he needs to listen to his mum. He said hecwoukd have to refer to SS and possibly speak with the school. The school will understand as he needs lots of extra support. He said he'd be surprised if SS even contacted me. Just hate not knowing which neighbour in my tiny street it was.

Is there any chance your phone called 999?
my son who is also SEN, non verbal but very vocal over the smallest things. I’ve found my phone dozens of times on call to emergency services and only realise as I hear a voice from it as he’s pressed buttons multiple times or trying to unlock it he’s pressed the ‘ call emergency services’ highlighted part.
I’ve had many occasions out when I’ve had to put him in a bear hug to keep him safe to stop him running into the road etc just like you described and at home as it does help comfort him and make him feel safe but I worry it doesn’t look like that to others who don’t understand the situation.

You don't know it was a complete lie.

They heard the commotion through walls so it's quite easy to mishear.

Try not to think of their intentions as anything other than good.

I can only imagine how upsetting this was for you. Hopefully though the next time your son is difficult for you, it may help him to remember the police were called and temper him a bit.

I cant help but think though that if only more neighbours did this, more really abused children could be helped.

Definitely wasn't my phone. Police officer said someone called saying they heard a child screaming 'help' which is a total fabrication.

OP I know how you feel as have been in a similar situation myself with my adult autistic learning disabled son. The police were always kind and supportive once I explained the situation. They also made a note of our address as being the residence of a vulnerable adult in case of further reports.

Please don't take this incident as a judgement on your parenting. It was someone acting out of genuine concern and that's a good thing. Much better for the police to check and find everything OK than not to check and a child could possibly be being abused. We have all seen the sickening news stories 😢

You need to look after yourself lovely - do you have any support/respite? You are doing a tough job taking care of your lovely son, it can be lonely and isolating and only another SEN parent really understands.

I hope you managed to have a soak in the bath and relax a bit after such a stressful evening and that you get some sleep 💐

I am sorry, that sounds horrible.

For what it's worth, people are terrible at remembering precisely. The sense that a child was calling for help could have easily registered as the child called help. He might even have done so, or said something vocally similar, that hasn't registered with you at that moment as such.

Don't focus on that to convince yourself there were bad intention. There very likely weren't.

it’s more common neighbours hear nothing at all when abuse is happening, just as it was Sara.

I very much doubt that whoever called the police intentionally gave false information. In the heat of the moment, their heart racing, blood rushing in their ears, trying to decide whether to take the big step of making the call, thinking time was of the essence and most importantly that a child was coming to harm, it would be unlikely that they would recount to the call handler a perfectly accurate description of what was being said. Panic makes everyone vulnerable to making mistakes. I think your neighbour is probably a decent person, who would most probably be understanding of your situation if you chose to inform them.

Your neighbour almost certainly meant well, and no doubt if your child ever was in distress and his parents unable to help immediately for some reason, that person would again take action quickly instead of dithering around wondering whether to interfere. It's upsetting but it sounds as if DS has learnt from the policeman telling him to listen to his mum.