Someone called the bloody police on me

[GloriaGee]

And I just feel so completely overwhelmed and devastated.

My son has SEN. He had a meltdown tonight and was trying to hurt me and himself. I restrained him by putting my arms around him, which subsequently led to him screaming for me to get off him.

All calmed down and reading books in bed, when I get a knock on my door. Police officer saying someone called saying they heard a child shouting help (this is not true).

Cue them walking in and seeing my son looking at him with a cheeky smile on his face. When asked if he'd been hurt he said 'only my feelings' then proceeded to talk about how his tablet had been taken away.

I feel completely paranoid not knowing which of my neighbours called (my house is so far back off the road, nobody walks past here). I feel devastated knowing that somebody thinks I have abused my child.

I feel sick. My son is scared the police are going to take him away.

I am so, so tired. I spend all my time keeping my cool, deep breathing through the meltdowns, giving him love and kindness despite him having kicked or hit me 30 mins earlier.

It happened nearly 3 hours ago and I still feel nauseous and tearful.

Think if something did happen in your street and everyone ignored it. A burglar for example breaking in and harming a child.
Whoever called the police was obviously worried and the police at least did respond, although not in enough time to stop a crime like that if it was happening, they may have been quick enough to help someone who had been harmed.
It seems the police were understanding and just doing their job, your neighbour had no clue why they heard screaming, they just heard it and did something to help.

6

You need to talk to your neighbours in a non-accusatory way.
Find out who called the police, thank them and explain your situation. Maybe even invite them to meet your son (in a casual "hi" manner not like over dinner).

Professionally, disabled children can be and are abused by their parents in just the same way as any child can be. The difference is they can find it even harder (or impossible) to self advocate.

I am so sorry that you had that stress, OP. I promise , I know and understand that feeling when you open the door to an unexpected copper. At the same time, I am happy that your neighbours are the sort who care. Wishing you both a peaceful evening 🌺.

This has happened to me before. I have a DD with adhd, downstairs neighbour was the most abusive harassing alcoholic towards us. Moved above her when DD was 4 (12 now). First meltdown she had neighbour was hammering on our door screaming and threatening us screaming I'm abusing my DD so everyone in street could hear. This went on for years but she only called police once to report me but that was in retaliation to me calling police on her. If this keeps happening to you then you can do a U turn on your neighbour and report her to police for harrassment. Because if they continue to call police on you that's exactly what it is.

I'm sure you're a great mum, but think of it this way... your child was trying to hurt you both and screaming. Neighbour did the right thing, and potentially if you hadn't calmed the situation their decision might have protected you both.

If someone heard him screaming for you to let go, that is a cry for help even if he didn't use the word.

Someone quote reasonably called due to a disturbance where either you or him could have been injured. Luckily no one was and you were able to calm the situation and it was all fine.

Tbh even if I'd known you had a SEN child and it was likely a meltdown I may have called worrying he would injure you or himself. Try not to link it to someone judging you as abusive, they were likely just ensuring their neighbours were OK. Best of luck

This. It doesn’t feel like it when you’re the one accused but it’s good that people report when they are unsure that a child isn’t okay. They don’t know your situation just what your son was shouting.

Im so sorry you’re finding things hard, have you got much support? Someone else will be able to advise more than me what support is out there for you to access but you clearly need someone to give you a hand every now and then, and that’s okay, parenting is hard, especially ND littles. Xx

Your neighbour did what they thought that was correct whether required or not. I’d carry on as you are! Your neighbours may judge but they don’t walk a day in your shoes, SS, police & school all know what you do day in day out.

in our street, several and I mean several (probably 20homes) ignored a child being smacked and kicked down the street by their horrific mother - I’m the only one that confronted and asked her to stop and called the police. I dread to think what goes on behind closed doors. I’ve had death threats, my car damaged etc but I know I did the right thing!! And the difference is I witnessed it!

You have all the feels from me! This is our biggest fear except our son is non verbal so just screeches and screams and bangs everything he can. Sounds truly dreadful.

We spoke to our immediate neighbours and wrote letters to around 4 slightly further down the road and explained what his diagnoses are and if they needed to chat about anything at all, they're welcome to do so. I also made it clear that we have an assigned CWD SW due to the severity and demand of need.

They all grew to love him and accept him, a real sense of community.

On the days where he had worse meltdowns, DH or I would knock on and apologise with a bottle of booze for our immediately attached neighbour.

I guess my advice would be to communicate with everyone around you. If you have a CWD SW, tell them what's happened (and they'll inform the police so it's noted on the address).

Oh, we also put a sign in the window saying questions always welcome but parenting advice is not. Had lots of lovely comments on it from delivery people, the milkman etc.

Good luck x

Oh OP I understand how you feel - this happened to me with a teenage daughter who was self harming and actually attacking me during a meltdown. The police checked all was well and spoke to her independently- which is what they should do. I was pleased I had conscientious neighbours who wouldn’t stand by and her someone who sounded in distress. Your neighbour did the right thing. How many children have been hurt or worse because nobody wanted to get involved.

my thoughts are with you though and hope you get the support you need x

I'd be very upset if I was you too. On the other hand, if a child was being abused I would be very grateful if someone called the police to safeguard them. The person who reported it us unlikely to have any idea of your child's needs or your capabilities as a parent so have just done what they felt was right, try not to over think it.

Ask the police to feedback to the complainant.

Hugs OP. It’s so hard having a child with SEN and dealing with their behaviour and outbursts. It’s a very isolating experience.
Please don’t take it personally; it’s just a concerned member of the public alerting police of a possible child in need. So many children are in bad situations and nobody reports it. Were the police able to explain the situation to the informant?

I can imagine how horrible this must be!

im going to flip the script and let’s see this is a positive, imagine that was a abused child further down the street.. police came out and checked and did their job which could of saved a child. Luckily on this occasion it wasn’t an abused child, just a loving mother comforting her SEN child which they have recognised and left things there. Unfortunately there are some bloody nosy people that poke their nose in others business and on the receiving end that can feel rubbish, but just try and think if it was a different circumstance and it actually was something untoward with another child at least it was followed up and checked.

not quite the same but i had to call police on my drunk neighbour once as i could hear him assaulting his disabled wife AGAIN, he got revenge by calling rspca on me a few days later.. they came for reports of an abused dog! I laughed and invited them in, showed them his beds, toys, fresh cooked chicken on the side and introduced them to my “abused” dog. They took once look at him and closed the report, I actually thanked them for coming out as next time it could be someone actually abusing an animal and they could have saved a life! Point being, nobody actually knows what happens behind closed doors so don’t take it personally, just be glad it was checked and everything is fine as in other circumstances/households it wont be xxx

just drop a thank you for your concern whoever you are (maybe 'please get in touch'?) note with some explanation to all nearby neighbours ( no need for lots of detail ..just a thanks and if it happens again please don't be concerned as DC has issues and police now know and understand..? You may find you get unexpected support. Nothing like the same but I've ended up with many friends in my street from regularly posting notes looking for my wayward cat. End result plenty of people looking out for him , new acquaintances for me.