Someone called the bloody police on me

[GloriaGee]

And I just feel so completely overwhelmed and devastated.

My son has SEN. He had a meltdown tonight and was trying to hurt me and himself. I restrained him by putting my arms around him, which subsequently led to him screaming for me to get off him.

All calmed down and reading books in bed, when I get a knock on my door. Police officer saying someone called saying they heard a child shouting help (this is not true).

Cue them walking in and seeing my son looking at him with a cheeky smile on his face. When asked if he'd been hurt he said 'only my feelings' then proceeded to talk about how his tablet had been taken away.

I feel completely paranoid not knowing which of my neighbours called (my house is so far back off the road, nobody walks past here). I feel devastated knowing that somebody thinks I have abused my child.

I feel sick. My son is scared the police are going to take him away.

I am so, so tired. I spend all my time keeping my cool, deep breathing through the meltdowns, giving him love and kindness despite him having kicked or hit me 30 mins earlier.

It happened nearly 3 hours ago and I still feel nauseous and tearful.

If SS do get involved, you could use it as an opportunity to try to get some extra help or respite, if that exists anymore?
I feel for you, OP, you sound really tired. Go easy on yourself x

It just feels like one thing after another when your child has SEN. I'm so exhausted. I do have lots of support. Was only at the GP today for a referral. He has an ed psych evaluation tomorrow which may now need to be cancelled because he's so freaked out by police and fell asleep really late. We've got a referral to a sleep specialist. My family and friends are amazing. My close friend lives next door and she didnt even hear anything but came straight over when I called her. Just feeling a bit discombobulated.

You're probably right. Just have no idea who it is which is driving me mad because I'm now going to wonder who called and which one has suspicions about me now. Yes, sounds silly but I can't help but feel that way in the immediate aftermath. Just a horrible experience all round.

If he was screaming 'get off me' then it's kind of understandable a neighbour categorised that as screaming for help, even though it's not the same sentiment.

I don't think it hugely matters who it is, does it? Are you going to give them a talking-to if you found out? I agree it probably feels nasty but it was well-meant.

I've witnessed something with neighbours and child where I really didn't know what was happening, if someone had been hurt or if the adult was trying to protect them. If you aren't sure, you always ask for help.

If i was sure who it was I would probably just thank them for being concerned and explain my situation in case it happened again, but I don't so it's pointless thinking about really. Just a horrible feeling.

Two things can be completely true at the same time:

1. The neighbor did the right thing with honest and helpful intentions and the police handled it all well
2. It feels absolutely gutting to have the police called about something that happened in your home and feel under scrutiny by your neighbors and community services

There was likely some telephone that happened here - "I heard a child screaming for help" said to 999 gets repeated by dispatch and then the officer and somewhere along the way that "for" gets left out. But a child being heard screaming "get off me" amidst other things is going to prompt the same response even if that was repeated verbatim, so I would try not to get hung up on that detail regardless.

I'm glad the officer who responded was kind and that you and your son were able to explain. I hope everyone is able to get some sleep tonight.

I would just let the police know your son has special needs. I reckon this isn't the first time they have been called out to situations like this. I know things can get very heated, especially when a tablet is getting taken away! In regards to what was thought to have been heard, it was like misheard - our ears play tricks on us.

Did the police signpost you to services OP? That's what they should have done.

Your neighbour didn't mean harm, everyone has a duty to care for the wellbeing of a child.

I've been in your shoes and could have written your OP when my DS was 10. The police home visit actually proved helpful I was able to access more support as it was a sign that we were struggling because of the fact that DS was having inadequate support in school and from CAMHS.

If the police didn't sign post you then please tell school what happened and ask them for support. Team around the family helped all those concerned to help me to get my son the support he needed.

He's now a well adjusted, independently living young man at university.

It can get better. Please get some support for yourself and for your child.

Could it be a miscommunication and the neighbour said the child was screaming for help meaning they needed help, as opposed to actually shouting 'help!'? In any case I think you should just pop a note through your close neighbours doors saying something like - as we recently had a visit from the police, I wanted to let you know that my DS has SEN etc etc. And finish it off by saying you understand why whoever called did so as it is absolutely right to do so if worried about a child, but you wanted them to understand the situation so hopefully they don't worry about his safety in future.

Thankfully the school are brilliant and we have lots of support already. The police officer was happy because I explained to him about GP, school, family, friends, edpsych, sleep referral etc all being involved.

Oh God the idea of putting this note through all of my neighbours doors is so uncomfortable. I don't think i could!

That's great.

I'd do what others have suggested and talk to your neighbours too.

I don't think they was lying I think they either misheard or that you didn't remember exactly what happened. I know during a heated argument or my kids having a massive tantrum (I know this isn't what this is) I certainly don't remember exactly what was said word for word. You shouldn't be angry at your neighbours they did the right thing and you should be greatful you have caring neighbours. The majority of domestic violence and murders happen at home behind closed doors. Often by people you least expect what did you want them to do just ignore it. This is how women and children end up dead.

This happened to me. Very similar situation. I actually called police myself and asked for help and they said we needed to call ambulance for dd (threatening suicide). I said to police I wouldn’t be surprised if neighbours have also called. I left my door open so people could see I wasn’t actually hurting her. One person backtracked but saw what was happening so walked away. Another neighbour came out to ask if we were ok-I said I had called police and ambulance. I went round to explain to them the next day and they were very understanding, as was I. I’d much rather people were overly cautious than not at all but I was also mortified. Children’s services did call us but were happy that dc were well looked after having spoken to us, them and school. I did actually feel supported by them all and not judged at all. I judged myself.

"I would just let the police know your son has special needs."

@sophiacting why did you write this?

Of course the OP explained this to the police - all on her own without you there to point out the fucking obvious.

it could have been a random passer by. I know it’s horrid for you but more important is safeguarding kids.

Your neighbour meant well and if more people intervened where children are concerned, perhaps a few more wouldn't suffer.

It can only be a good thing.

I would put letters in 2x doors each way, thanking them for being the type of neighbour that acts if needed and explaining a very little about your child and his needs and a small apology if you ever disturb them (not that this is needed btw).

You have nothing to be embarrassed about, its tough, being a mum is hard work, being a mum with a child who has additional needs it's even harder, try not to get upset about it, remember whoever it was heard it through walls and it may have sounded different to them, you know the support you provide and everything you are doing for your child.

Stay strong, and be kind to yourself.

OP -It sounds as if you are having a tough time just now - but that your parenting is keeping your son safe.

Lots of other children are not safe at home - and this terrible fact is something more of us understand these days.

Don't take the report so personally.
If someone walked past your house and heard the noise -knowing nothing else - would it have sounded distressing? Perhaps they didn't hear the word 'help' but could they hear a distressed/pleading child and interpret it that way?

Whoever they were - they did the right thing. They heard something very worrying - a child sounded distressed. Getting someone with authority to check it out was the right thing to do.

This. Your neighbour cared enough about your DC to make that difficult call.

I suppose they did. That would make sense. I think what was getting at is, not to feel any sense of shame or worry about it - maybe neighbours don't understand but the police do because they likely have seen this before.

My child used to have meltdowns and regularly used to scream 'help me'

I had the police called me on me a lot.
(To be fair it was by neighbours who were using this as part of their harassment towards us but still, it fit in very nicely for them!)

It is awful. Absolutely awful. The first time is the worst cos you're not expecting it. I don't know about you but I went into such a panic when they came the first time too.

But nothing came of it. They could see my child was ok. Take heart.

But I know how awful it is

Oh man, what a shitty situation. Everyone here is trying to do the right thing.

No advice just a massive hug!

Oh I feel for you. This is a fear of mine. My 8 year old is NT, but screams like she’s being murdered every time I brush her hair.

“GET OFF ME! DONT TOUCH ME! You’re HURTING ME” etc etc.

Honestly feel like it’s a matter of time.

oh OP that’s so difficult and I would feel the same as you. I do think that the note idea is a good one and just make sure it isn’t defensive just very polite. Or if you have a street Facebook stick a wee thing on there. I teach SEN children and one parent many years ago was detained by security at the shopping centre till the police came as his daughter had been screaming. Obviously people want to help and don’t want to think a child is in danger and they stood by and did nothing but at the time I also thought how devastating that must have felt for him. I would try to place it in your head as they had good intentions and not to dwell on it.