To ask how those of us who were smacked

[ButThisIsMyHappyFace]

Feel about it now?

Apologies if this is a stupid or triggering question but I’m re-evaluating a number of things from my childhood, trying to figure out why my relationship with my DM is so difficult. One of those things is smacking. She smacked me repeatedly, in anger. I never understood what I had done that was so wrong. She has never apologised, although I know she thinks it’s wrong to smack children nowadays. I know that very many kids born in the 80s and earlier were smacked - it was normal. I’m not asking if it’s wrong to smack. I know it is wrong and I will never smack my DC. My question is: those of us on here who were smacked as kids - how do you feel about it now? Do you feel it was abusive? Or is that not really a helpful way of looking at it anyway?

I think it was abuse, yes. I was smacked a lot. By both parents. Not just with their hands but with slippers and other objects. I vividly remember feeling hate for them at the time. In a way I still hate them for it and yes, it affected my future relationships. It affected my confidence and self esteem. I absolutely hate the phrase “Didn’t do me any harm”. I always think “lucky you” because it was awful for me.

Well I’m of an age where I was smacked. It was what it was then. Schools could also smack pupils.

I honestly can’t say I give it any thought now. It didn’t evef affect me. 😉

I know the reasons why my mum hit me. She was under a lot of pressure as a single parent, she struggled with her mental health at times, and hitting was how she was raised. But although I understand the reasons, that doesn't excuse it. Fundamentally I do view it as abuse and I made very, very sure I never treated my own children like that as it's wrong.

I was smacked but it doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I always knew I was loved though, maybe that’s a differentiating factor?

I was smacked very rarely - the fear of knowing if I was extremely naughty that I could get a smack led me to largely behave. I don’t feel it was abuse and it certainly hasn’t impacted my life or relationship with my parents. I’m a non violent adult and have never been in trouble with the law etc.

I was born in 1963. My parents didn't smack, my mother would say that you 'drive one devil out and 1000 devils in' & that smacking only teaches the child that it's OK to physically assault someone smaller & weaker than you.

My DS was a nightmare & sometimes I got so angry & frustrated that I was tempted to hit him - once did when, aged about 4, he refused to hold my hand while we crossed the road. I took hold of the hood of his coat, he shrugged the coat off (it wasn't done up) & ran into the road causing a car to have to emergency stop. I was so angry & frightened that I did hit him once on the bottom. I instantly regretted it, but, I confess that I lost it & nearly lost him.

I was smacked regularly from my first memories age 3 until well into adulthood.

It ruined my life.

I was smacked as a child. It didn't help me to understand what i had done wrong. I complied out of fear.

I was smacked at home and in school. It was pretty shit.

I never hit my kids.

I was smacked by both parents. I don’t ever think about it, it has just had no effect on me.

I got a smack on the bum very occasionally if I'd been doing something dangerous. It doesn't faze me at all. I'd never smack my own DC, and nor would my parents, things have moved on.

I was smacked very occasionally... didn't affect me and I don't think about it really.

I don't smack my own DC though.

The "didn't do me any harm" response is stupid anyway. How do you know it didn't do you any harm?

This reflects my experience too. I wouldn’t dream of doing it my own children but nor do I judge my parents for parenting in the typical way of the time. We also used to fold down the back seats and sleep in the boot on long car journeys. I wouldn’t do that either but it was bloody good fun at the time!

Yes, exactly the same for me.

Different times back then (70s childhood).

I was smacked (not beaten) im sure on occasion and it's not something I think about to be honest. I probably deserved it and It's had no adverse impact on me as an adult. That said, I'd not smack my own kids.

This.

I remember being smacked it wasn't very often, would never dream of smaking my DD but I don't think any less of my parents for doing it

I don’t think about being smacked much. Systematic emotional blackmail has left a far more profound legacy, though. I don’t do either to my kids.

I was smacked a few times but not regularly. It was either for poor behaviour, significant rudeness, or as a result of doing something dangerous.
Doesnt bother me at all, and I dont think of it as abusive. In fact i look back on a couple of occasions and think "fair play".

Don't even think about it unless I see a thread about it or it mentioned in the papers.

i was smacked occasionally at home and school. Never smacked my own. Probably because my life was generally easier rather than a policy to be truthful. But otherwise no noticeable impacts.

Same, I was a little shit at times 😂

I was smacked, soap in mouth one time for swearing ffs. Parents both highly reactive, very young, poorly parented themselves.

I have nothing but understanding, forgiveness and compassion after seeing how hard I've found parenting at times.

What I find difficult and a problem, is when bad behaviour still continues ( my family is dysfunctional, coercive and absolutely a narcissist and even sociopathic tendency in members). So, I can forgive history and smacking which was rife in the 80s every time.

Zero accountability and repeated behaviour that is very manipulative and what I call dark - no, not ok. That makes me think about the whole history and feel sad at times. Also angry. I'm in 15 years of therapy.

I had to cut a sibling off because of the above; e.g no change or growth from abusive behaviour in any way.

I understand the rush of terror and relief and anger that leads a parent to smack a child who runs out in front of a car. That isn’t the kind of thing I mean. I was smacked for (eg) taking the clothes off a doll I had been bought. As a teenager I was smacked for repeatedly self-harming (oh the irony!).