MIL called me the wrong name…

[ThatTwinklyPearlSloth]

MIL really dislikes a family member (Sarah)

Whenever Sarah has been mentioned she’s been described as snobby, stuck up, miserable, awkward, always moaning about something and obsessed with money. I’ve only met her once so I can’t really comment on what she’s like but I never hear DP’s family say anything positive.

At a family meal a few months ago, MIL said to me “would you like another glass of wine Sarah?” Sarah wasn’t even at the meal so understandably I was a bit taken aback and hurt. Anyway, I brushed it off and didn’t say anything to DP. I did ask him a few days later if I was anything like Sarah he laughed and said of course you’re bloody not.

Anyway, she did it again last night after moaning about Sarah again. “Would you like some Prosecco Sarah?” I’ve got quite a lot going on at the moment and I could’ve burst into tears. I held it together until we got home but ended up crying to DP thinking MIL must hate me. He was understanding but says she really likes me and it must’ve been just a genuine mistake.

AIBU?

YANBU - you obviously remind MIL of Sarah in some way.

YABU - sounds like an honest mistake.

I occassionally, for some reason that I cannot understand, call DS who is 16 and accademically exceptionally able, by my brother's name, who is 50 and has severe special needs and vice versa. They literally could not be further apart in terms of being like one another and we don't even live with my brother so it's not proximity either. I have no idea why I do this.

So I would say that this is an honest mistake on the part of your MIL!

it can be a sign of aging but not always. I first knew my late Mil when she was in here 40's and she did it then.

My gran went through 4 names before getting to mine and they were all dead

she a bit obsessed with this sarah and she in her mind

sorry you’ve had a bad week but you need to get a grip - crying because she called you wrong name - come on !

Dont vex over an older persons name confusion and please don’t stress her or shame her for name confusing, I bet she dislikes her mistakes much more than you do. One day it will happen to you and you’ll understand it’s a brain fart, nothing more.

I couldn't agree more. And it's not too much of a stretch to conclude that if she's badmouthing Sarah behind her back to OP, then she'll have no scruples about doing the same thing to others.

It's this behaviour - not the mistaken name - that would make me wary of her.

I completely agree I’ve probably taken it to heart too much. Like I said, I’ve got a lot going on in other areas of my life. I’m feeling sensitive and overly emotional anyway. Usually, it probably wouldn’t bother me so much but it was kind of the straw that broke the camels back in terms of my reaction to it.

I wouldn’t mind if she’d mixed me up with SIL or any one else. She never mixes my name up with anyone else, just a woman she clearly dislikes. Sarah isn’t someone she’s close to (a second cousin I believe) I think they probably see one another twice a year, if that. Sarah’s in her mid-late 50s and I’m in my 30s. Any other mix up, I wouldn’t care less. And probably yes, of course I want her to like me and and rightly or wrongly I do value her opinion.

I wouldn't worry too much, OP. For most of my childhood I was often referred to as the name of my late sibling who died 4 years before I was born.
DW also called me by her ex's name once, very early on in the relationship. I think she's still mortified 6 years on 😅

Sometimes names do just stick in your head. I'd probably smile and ask who Sarah is, or politely remind her of my name each time.

She’s either starting to show signs of dementia or she’s doing it deliberately. Your husbands family sound like they can be quite judgemental and unkind towards others from the way they have been talking about Sarah so don’t be surprised if it transpires they have the potential to be like it towards others. Don’t take it personally if it’s not a mistake though. It’s their problem not yours.

I was called by the name of a different family member for the first two years of knowing exH. No offence meant, it was the name of the last person to be a new family member, and they all loved her. Only thing was that she was 20 years older than me and had already been in the family for 10+ years. I thought it was funny.

Gosh you’re super paranoid. People call people by wrong names all the time. I do. My mum did. You need something more important to worry about and then you won’t obsess over things that aren’t important

Don’t worry op.

if she just had mentioned her and if she annoys her that much, you can see where and why her name came out. Nothing to do with you, but Sarah is really getting in her nerves! Yuck…

If it happens again, make sure your hubby (NOT you) point at the fact that it isn’t your name. She won’t take it bad from him and she might be more careful even though if it is an age thing…might be there a while.

Sorry op…

Just wanted to say I mix the dog and baby’s name often!!! I adore them both… baby doesn’t know her name yet but dog generally answers/react for both of them!

Yup, my mil did the same to me.
It hurt at first, just like it's hurt you
Then I understood her game- she WANTED to hurt me.
So next time, and every time, she did it, I turned to her with a sweet smile and said, "Awwww, mum! You're so sweet!"
She couldn't figure my reaction out at all, that made it all the sweeter...
Your DH is probably in on it as well btw... probably enjoys it secretly.
Don't turn to him for support
Set up your own game for MIL ...and maybe for DH too...muuuaaaahahaha

I do this with every member of the family including the dog! It’s not an age thing either I’ve always been like it, my mum was the same 🙈

Imagine living in this mind ! Why would her “DH” be in on it?

Not that there is anything to be in on!

I generally run through the kids’ names, then the pets until I get the right person! Doesn’t mean I hate any of them

It could be the fact your MIL was talking about Sarah, so therefore the name was stuck in her mind, and it slipped out. It could be a sign of dementia, is she forgetful on other things? Is she elderly? As we age we do become more forgetful. I don't think it's because you're like Sarah or she dislikes you. I think it's simply a slip of the tongue. My Dad is utterly hopeless with names, the times he's called my boyfriend's by different names or got my friend's names wrong! He's 84 now, but has always been like it, so it's definitely not age related!

Is she senile?

My mil always calls me inlaw name that she doesn't like. Think she likes me well enough as she gets so embarrassed when she realises lol

Does she think you drink too much and thinks subtle reminding you.

@xanthomelana my mum used to go through lots of names and end up saying oh whichever one you are. She was not dented in anyway just mum. 😂

Sounds like just a slip of the tongue to me.

She’d been talking about Sarah and then accidentally said her name in a moment of forgetfulness.

When I first started dating my DP, his mom accidentally called me by his ex’s name a few times (and would immediately correct herself and apologise). He’d been with his ex for 10 years, so was obviously a person she’d gotten used to, so it was an understandable slip of the tongue in my eyes and didn’t bother me. I’d just laugh it off. My DP however would get enraged and tell his mom off 😆

Did you not think to say at the time? Now you have lots of other people's opinions on whether she meant it or not.......but still no closer to knowing

I’ve had this numerous times with my husband’s family. Except it was his ex wife’s name, which is pretty humiliating. Honestly, it could be a lot worse.

My Mum does this all the time. Don't take offence. I'm absolutely sure its an honest mistake.