MIL called me the wrong name…

[ThatTwinklyPearlSloth]

MIL really dislikes a family member (Sarah)

Whenever Sarah has been mentioned she’s been described as snobby, stuck up, miserable, awkward, always moaning about something and obsessed with money. I’ve only met her once so I can’t really comment on what she’s like but I never hear DP’s family say anything positive.

At a family meal a few months ago, MIL said to me “would you like another glass of wine Sarah?” Sarah wasn’t even at the meal so understandably I was a bit taken aback and hurt. Anyway, I brushed it off and didn’t say anything to DP. I did ask him a few days later if I was anything like Sarah he laughed and said of course you’re bloody not.

Anyway, she did it again last night after moaning about Sarah again. “Would you like some Prosecco Sarah?” I’ve got quite a lot going on at the moment and I could’ve burst into tears. I held it together until we got home but ended up crying to DP thinking MIL must hate me. He was understanding but says she really likes me and it must’ve been just a genuine mistake.

AIBU?

YANBU - you obviously remind MIL of Sarah in some way.

YABU - sounds like an honest mistake.

I constantly get people’s names wrong - call my DDs each other’s name, call my DGC each other’s name. I’m from a big family,ily and both my parents constantly said the wrong name when speaking to each of us.
YABVVU to be so dramatic about a wrong name TBH.

My MIL doesn't get my name wrong but she does constantly bad mouth other family and friends to us. As does FIL. We both hate it and it reminds us to never be anything but a robot in their company. If they happily do it to all the other family members we know full well they will do it about us when we leave...in fact we know they do from others. Me in particular because I have had the ordasity to say 'No' to some of their demands this year and if you don't do what they want your are awkward, difficult, stroppy, boring, have control issues etc ...
In short she doesn't sound very nice so I wouldn't worry much about what she thinks of you!

My mum has accidentally called me and my sister the other's name or the dogs name all our lives, so not always a sign of dementia! I swore I wouldn't do it but I mix up my own kids names even though they are 10 years apart and different sexes.

(This is a lighthearted comment, I'm not arguing with you. I agree if it's a new development you might be right. )

I feel bad for the actual Sarah.

I mix up names with my kids and grandkids all the time, they think it’s hilarious, there’s absolutely no malice, it’s just getting old(er) that does it!

I called my husband my exes name recently. I’ve been with my husband for years. And the ex I called him? Not even my most recent one. One from over TWENTY YEARS AGO! 😂I haven’t even thought of him for years so I’ve no idea where the name came from! Maybe I’d had a dream or the name was on the TV at some point.

Next time just ignore her. Then if she repeats it just say who are you talking to there is no Sarah here

Yep!

BIL is on his third marriage. He has a preferred type as all three of his wives are interchangeable. They are all perfectly nice people in their own right, just very very similar to each other. That's a minefield.

@ThatTwinklyPearlSloth
Being very nasty about people (and your MIL's description of Sarah is nasty - not just dislike, it's proper hateful) is usually a characteristic, thus there's every chance she IS being nasty behind your back; people like that habitually are. Indeed she may be deliberately calling you Sarah - my MIL is one for that type of insidious dick move.
Anyway, your MIL sounds like an unpleasant character, and it sounds as though you don't feel at all peaceful around her. I'd be avoiding her.

Add the dogs name in for me as well please!

Have you been the perpetrator in what you’ve seen and read? You don’t sound very nice.

OP you should say to MiL jokily - why did you call me Sarah, am I as bad as her?! Hopefully it won’t then happen again…

I don’t think this is accidental like using the dog’s name instead of someone’s actual name.

🚩 🚩 🚩

The fact that MIL is openly denigrating Sarah to others in the wider family despite no evidence that Sarah has actually done anything untoward other than have her own opinion, is a huge red flag in my book.

Is MIL a bit of a matriarch type wanting her family around and expecting them to attend regular family activities?

If Sarah is another DIL, then you really do need to take heed of her bitchy behaviour as she’s clearly making you aware that SHE is in charge and you’re not to step out of line.

I have 2 DIL’s who are absolutely lovely and I’d never be openly nasty about someone they know in front of them. If I want to moan about someone to my husband, I’ll do it when we’re alone together.

I do that and no it isn't the start of dementia for another poster unless I had dementia in my 30s and it hasn't progressed much in the last 40 years.

I did that with my dd and her ex boyfriend. She’s only at the start of the dating game, had one boyfriend for a couple of months that’s it. Three of the 4 boys she’s had romantic connections with have 2 syllable names ending in ie or y. And all pronounced “ee”, such as Andy (not one of the names obvs) etc.

As for dd, she often gets called the dog’s or dh’s name. I usually manage to get dh’s name correct. I’ve been with him a long time lol.

It is annoying but I doubt there’s anything intentional. My sister continually calls me by her female partner’s name. It really irritates me and I snap at her sometimes but still it happens.

I have very occasionally called someone by the wrong name, maybe if I’ve just been thinking or talking about the other but I would always catch myself doing it straight away.

My MiL has consistently addressed me as Mrs Hisname for the past 17 years! And yes, this is quite deliberate.

It's not you.

I was thinking exactly this.

My late MIL used to call me the girl or it. So she'd ask husband if he wanted a cup of tea and then add "does it want one." I used to laugh at her, DH got fed up and really shouted at her about it. Funnily enough she never did it again so I think it was very deliberate.

my late Mil used to do this and included the parrot in the list.

I've been known to put the wrong name in birthday cards if I've been thinking about someone else, even addressed them to me because I'm thinking about signing it. So I don't think she meant anything awful by it.

My Nan used to verbally scroll through her sisters' name until she finally got to mine - her granddaughter! I mix up my husband and my boss's name - awkward! And also my son and my brother. I don't know why I do it - but it's not intentional. You'd hate me!

My mum usually goes through my brothers, sisters, dog and cat name before hitting on mine…

it’s just a quirk of life! - don’t take it personally - many mums do it …

Did you correct her the second time OP, or just get upset about it? If she does it again then say something "oopsie, I'm Twinkly", or "Mavis, that's the third time you've accidentally called me Sarah".

Hopefully it is just accidental. I have two DDs who are chalk and cheese in both looks and personalities but sometimes I call them each others names (though I do usually realise and correct myself immediately).

When I am stressed or had a glass or two of wine (combined with being stressed) I very frequently mix up the names of my Dcs and DH and my father.

It sounds like Sarah was on her mind and it was her brain having a hiccup.

It also sounds like MIL and the other members of the family are slightly fixated on Sarah in an unhealthy way if they moan about her so often!

My grandma always called me Lydia, even in cards. No where near my name.
Mum called me by her sisters name.
If she has another name in mind it sticks in her brain.