MIL called me the wrong name…

[ThatTwinklyPearlSloth]

MIL really dislikes a family member (Sarah)

Whenever Sarah has been mentioned she’s been described as snobby, stuck up, miserable, awkward, always moaning about something and obsessed with money. I’ve only met her once so I can’t really comment on what she’s like but I never hear DP’s family say anything positive.

At a family meal a few months ago, MIL said to me “would you like another glass of wine Sarah?” Sarah wasn’t even at the meal so understandably I was a bit taken aback and hurt. Anyway, I brushed it off and didn’t say anything to DP. I did ask him a few days later if I was anything like Sarah he laughed and said of course you’re bloody not.

Anyway, she did it again last night after moaning about Sarah again. “Would you like some Prosecco Sarah?” I’ve got quite a lot going on at the moment and I could’ve burst into tears. I held it together until we got home but ended up crying to DP thinking MIL must hate me. He was understanding but says she really likes me and it must’ve been just a genuine mistake.

AIBU?

YANBU - you obviously remind MIL of Sarah in some way.

YABU - sounds like an honest mistake.

I regularly call my kids by each other’s names and those of our pets. It’s like in my mind all the names are categorised as ‘family’ so it’s a complete fluke which one comes out of my mouth.

I do this all the time. Something in my brain just fires out random names. It's not personal

You sound a bit petty to be honest. We all have made that mistake at some point.

My Fil calls my kids the names of his own children. I get my kids names mixed up all the time. I know who they are I just say the wrong name

Probably an honest mistake. If she talks about this woman a lot / it’s on her mind then understandable. I wouldn’t take it personally - is she pleasant to you? Unless part of a wider pattern I’d put it down to a mistake.

How did she react when corrected?

Haha my mum does this. She only has 2 kids but she also goes through her grand kids and other random people's names before finally landing on the correct one. My sister and me do it as well.

Op, based on what you have written I don't think it means anything other than that she is thinking of Sarah a lot so her name slips out.

Honestly, it's such a normal things to do when you get older! She probably said it as you had been talking about Sarah or your MIL has been thinking about her.

It's the name that's not exactly uppermost in your mind, but the name that you are dwelling on a lot. I sometimes find myself snapping out my younger son (he's 30!!) name to the dog, because said son is getting married soon and therefore a lot of thoughts are revolving around him.

It's confusing the hell out of the dog (whose name is NOTHING LIKE son's name).

I panicked thinking our youngest was in trouble in the swimming pool recently and managed to shout our cats name at her in a panic. 🤣 These things happen. She was fine anyway, happily splashing and swimming and I was just being dramatic. It does not mean I still get endlessly mocked by my kids about it though.

My mum often calls my DC the dog’s name! Doesn’t mean she thinks he’s an actual dog!

Anyway, she did it again last night after moaning about Sarah again. “Would you like some Prosecco Sarah?”
Op you clearly note she had just been talking about her so with that name in her head she probably said it by accident. But just wondering is it normal for her to say your name at the end of every sentence? If you think she's being a cow on purpose maybe you should call her Sarah next time .. see how that goes down 🤣

My husband's uncle has on occasion called me by my husband's ex wife name. I've been around (and married) far, far longer. I don't take any offence. I can do the whole name muddled thing as well and it's usually meaningless. My Gran constantly called me one of my Uncles names.

Same with both my parents. And not an age thing — they’ve always done it.

OP, does your MIL’s approval matter so much to you? I mean, so what if you remind her of someone she dislikes? It’s hardly the end of the world! Are you very fond of her?

I wrote my cousins wedding card to "Dear Graham and Debs". Except Debs was his ex and his new wife was Carol.

On a less horrifically awkward note...

I'm wondering why this is upsetting you so much.

Either: MIL is a lovely, kind, supportive presence in your life. You like her and respect her thoughts and opinions so you know that she wouldn't do anything to hurt you deliberately and you can ignore it.

Or: MIL is doing it deliberately. Is vindictive and unkind and you therefore don't need to respect her thoughts and opinions so you can ignore it.

And it doesn't matter either way. You keep being your lovely self.

Sarah is in the inner circle of familiarity for MIL - for good or for ill. The names of people - or pets - in this inner circle are somehow stored 'nearby' in the mind, so it's easy to go for a quick rummage in the memory bag of names and pull out the wrong one.

Agree.
If you feel she likes you then I’m sure she likes you!
people get names mixed up when they get older - it’s nothing to do with reminding people - sometimes it’s just the last name they said comes out!
pls don’t worry or let it get you down!

Late DH occasionally called me 'our kid' (we live in the Midlands). When challenged he would say 'I forgot which wife you were' (fourth). I just laughed (and had several times to pull myself up when nearly calling him name of my ex-H, too). It is very, very easy to misplace names occasionally as we get older.

Aw OP, my mum has to do a whole roll call of family names, dead, alive, male and female before reaching the right one. It's great fun. Some people are crap at names. May be part of getting older, may be just part of MIL. Don't take it amiss. My mother has always done it (huge family).

My children all answer to whichever name pops into my brain at the time including the dogs name !
I even got my daughters name wrong when she was in labour !! We have been giggling about that this week !

I'm always calling family members by the wrong name.
I even called the cat my DS's name the other day. Both the cat and DS looked at me like I'd lost the plot.

I honestly wouldn't think anything if it.
As your MIL had just been talking about Sarah, it's likely she still had her on her mind when she spoke to you.
I'd say it's a genuine mistake.

It's really bad form to discuss relatives you don't like with those you do. Moan to friends not family.

Possibly a mistake? If she does it again look shocked and repeat Sarah? With a surprised tone. Then laugh and say I hope I’m not like her. Then see what her response is. Don’t accuse her just act with the shock you felt the first time she did it. If she’s genuinely apologetic you’ll know it’s just a mistake and you can laugh it off and tell her not to worry. If she’s sly or avoiding answering or apologises but actions don’t match the words or she brushes it off and hints your over reacting then you can assume it’s not a mistake.

People get names wrong all the time in families. It just means you are part of that family now.
My dad sometimes runs through several names before getting the right one - if we are all together.
I've called my son the cats name and the dogs name and vice versa.
My brother calls everyone 'chuck' so he doesn't get names wrong 😆

Same! I’ve even called my DP by my youngest DS name before now. It’s not like DP is even his dad! ExH DF occasionally called me by ExH ex. It wasn’t intentional.