Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL called me the wrong name…

153 replies

ThatTwinklyPearlSloth · 17/03/2025 06:35

MIL really dislikes a family member (Sarah)

Whenever Sarah has been mentioned she’s been described as snobby, stuck up, miserable, awkward, always moaning about something and obsessed with money. I’ve only met her once so I can’t really comment on what she’s like but I never hear DP’s family say anything positive.

At a family meal a few months ago, MIL said to me “would you like another glass of wine Sarah?” Sarah wasn’t even at the meal so understandably I was a bit taken aback and hurt. Anyway, I brushed it off and didn’t say anything to DP. I did ask him a few days later if I was anything like Sarah he laughed and said of course you’re bloody not.

Anyway, she did it again last night after moaning about Sarah again. “Would you like some Prosecco Sarah?” I’ve got quite a lot going on at the moment and I could’ve burst into tears. I held it together until we got home but ended up crying to DP thinking MIL must hate me. He was understanding but says she really likes me and it must’ve been just a genuine mistake.

AIBU?

YANBU - you obviously remind MIL of Sarah in some way.

YABU - sounds like an honest mistake.

OP posts:
notacooldad · 17/03/2025 07:26

call her the wrong name with a wink?
If mil is not doing it deliberately, why be a twat?
I've been known to use the wrong name if I've just been thinking or talking about someone , and no, people didn't automatically assume it was the start of dementia!
Could have burst in to tears over this? You say you have a lot going on, but come on! You need to develop some resilience.

CelRa · 17/03/2025 07:27

My MiL and I used to have a good laugh together when she did this.

Both of her sons had ex wives, she often called me both of their names, before getting to mine.

I have sons too. Have you never been in the position where you really have to focus when a new girlfriend or boyfriend visits. The more I focus the more I think I'm going to use the wrong name…😵‍💫

GRex · 17/03/2025 07:30

Saying the wrong name is common, I'm surprised you've never had anyone do it before. Not worth mulling over.

Constant sniping about "Sarah" though is really horrible, why do you all allow that and not interject to at least move the topic away?

DrummingMousWife · 17/03/2025 07:32

Mil called me by sil name once - we all laughed - sil is a nut !

Ellie1015 · 17/03/2025 07:36

Either it is an accident, perhaps your name is similar or your haircolour or same height/build. It doesn't mean that you remind her of Sarah's personality.

Or it is deliberate and if so it is mil being horrible and a reflection on her not you.

Tbh I think there would be other signs she didnt like you if calling you Sarah is meant as an insult.

LBFseBrom · 17/03/2025 07:39

I am sorry, op, but people get names wrong all the time and if your mother in law had been talking about Sarah, her name would have been on her mind. It doesn't mean she does not know who you are.

If it happens again just say, "I'm not Sarah, I'm 'ThatTwinklyPearlSloth '; she'll* *probably look at you blankly and say, "I know, oh what did I call you?". You won't be the only one, it's a common thing. Most of us have done it, some people are always doing it.

In your place I'd be very interested to meet this Sarah person. It's not nice to talk about her so freely, I would say something about that but that is another matter and up to you.

FurFangsPawsAndClaws · 17/03/2025 07:44

FondantFancyFan · 17/03/2025 06:45

Goodness me, is that all you've got to complain about your mil that she called you the wrong name? I've read and seen far worse about female nastiness & bullying. Get a grip.

Yep, your post is a great example of female bullying and nastiness towards someone obviously feeling vulnerable.

Well done 👏🏻

Original poster
ThatTwinklyPearlSloth · 17/03/2025 07:48

Thanks for the replies - noted😊

OP posts:
crumpet · 17/03/2025 07:51

Oh God when my brother comes to stay I’ve often mixed up his and Ds’s names - in both directions. My grandmother was notorious for always calling her (several )sons in law and grandson by her own sons name

Mummyratbag · 17/03/2025 07:53

She sounds obsessed with Sarah, unless she has been significantly wronged by the woman I think that is her problem. Names mixed up - meh..

Wickedclimber · 17/03/2025 07:53

My Mum goes through 16 names before she gets to mine.

I don't think your MIL is being malicious.

crumblingschools · 17/03/2025 07:55

Does Sarah know she is disliked by MIL and other members of the family?

Moonnstars · 17/03/2025 07:56

I think you are overthinking this. My MIL constantly goes through a million names it seems at times to get my DH's name (her own son) correct!
If she is older then I would just ignore.

Hadalifeonce · 17/03/2025 07:57

My lovely aunt occasionally called me by her DiL's name (who she disliked), I would usually just pull her up and make a joke if it.

Notmyrealname22 · 17/03/2025 07:57

She was just talking about Sarah, so the name was front of mind for her.

i call my kids by the wrong name all the time. It doesn’t mean anything, just the brain not making the right connection.

LeavesTrees · 17/03/2025 07:58

If it makes you feel bad, imagine how Sarah must feel. She also might have a lot going on and hate being bad mouthed.
Your MIL sounds like a horrible woman.
Is Sarah also an in-law by any chance? Some women hate women coming into the family.

Lou670 · 17/03/2025 07:59

It wouldn't bother me as I wouldn't want the approval of someone that constantly bad mouths another family member like that. Running someone down is just a dishonest way of giving yourself praise. If she is openly bad mouthing one family member you can guarantee she is doing it to everyone behind their back.

Topsyturvy78 · 17/03/2025 08:00

I often call my son my daughter's name and my daughter my son's name. Two completely different names it's easy to do. Especially as we get older. My mum used to go through all four of our names before she got to the right one.

BitOutOfPractice · 17/03/2025 08:00

My mother runs through everyone’s name before she gets to mine. I’ve started doing it too. It’s a thing. Don’t get het up over it.

Ceramiq · 17/03/2025 08:00

I call my own daughter by my sister's name quite regularly! My grandmother used to mix up the names of her two daughters and three grand daughers! I think this is just a proximity thing and you mustn't read anything ill intentioned into it.

BunnyRuddington · 17/03/2025 08:03

My DMIL I think ever called me by my name. Looking back, and knowing how she progressed, I’d say it was one of the early signs of Dementia for her.

Isobel201 · 17/03/2025 08:04

Me and my sister get mixed up all the time, and we don't look the same! I'm just used to it.

Lovelysummerdays · 17/03/2025 08:06

I’m forever calling the children the wrong name, I know who I mean and then the wrong one pops out. I tend to avoid using names as even when I know the right one, the wrong one randomly burbles out.

BlondiePortz · 17/03/2025 08:08

My mum mixes my and my siblings name up she always has, it is not intentional

FakingItEasy · 17/03/2025 08:08

Is your name similar to Sarah's? Eg she's Sarah and you're Susan? If so, I think it's easier to make the mistake.

But if you're Veronica or something totally different, I would probably at least question why she keeps doing it too!