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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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6
soupyspoon · 16/03/2025 17:10

Roseshavethorns · 16/03/2025 17:06

I agree.
I'm not sure what neuro typical actually looks like. But I don't think it's helpful when people explain away bad behaviour in adults as well as children as being undiagnosed personality disorder or autism.
If you look at threads on this site someone posts about dreadful behaviour by a partner or relative and there are immediately suggestions that they have a personality disorder or they are neuro diverse.
Sometimes bad behaviour is just bad behaviour. We can be unhappy without being depressed, being a bit worried or concerned about a situation does not mean you have anxiety. A child being anything other than perfectly behaved can just be a child having fun and pushing boundaries.
The problem seeking a named diagnosis for everything that isn't quite right is that people who genuinely need help and support can't access it. I also fear that it reduces sympathy and understanding for people who are really struggling. Their struggles are disregarded because "everyone has some sort of anxiety these days." Their extreme distress is hidden in a sea of labels.
I lived this with one of my children. As soon as she received a diagnosis three or four other parents in the class immediately sought a diagnosis for their children. Two of them actually told me that they did this because it wasn't fair that my child was getting special treatment that their child was excluded from.
I also think that there is a danger that once we label ourselves we unknowingly change our behaviour to fit or almost justify the label, the same way if you tell a child they are terrible at maths, they can stop trying and so become terrible at maths.

Also a very common narrative is that people or children who are ND cannot be badly behaved, its always masking or coping strategies or a meltdown due to being ND. All children will test boundaries and act out, its part of being a child, its human.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 16/03/2025 17:11

cadooyahoo · 16/03/2025 15:20

Weirdly I feel it is both over and under diagnosed.

I agree with this, I also think some do take the piss benefit wise whereas others deserve a lot more

Yes, people who need help are not getting the right help and others are talking the talk and getting a lot!

Tomatotater · 16/03/2025 17:16

badtimingisrubbish · 16/03/2025 14:00

That article and comment doesn’t really explain what he means.
Does he mean that people are getting diagnosed with formal mental health conditions when they don’t actually have one?
He talks about people not getting the support they need and support not coming early enough. Support for what? If there’s an over diagnosis of, say, anxiety and depression, surely more people should be getting treatment than actually warrant it?
If people are getting diagnosed but then left with no support, then it’s a support issue rather than the fact that they don’t really have MH issues.
Or is he saying that healthcare needs to be more proactive/ preventative? Because it’s absolutely the case at the moment that proper support isn’t really given until someone has reached crisis.

I agree with this. Yes there are people who suffer from poor mental health, but putting them on the sick then forgetting about them is going to do nothing for your mental health. Neither will trying to get a job and trying to explain away lengthy periods of sick leave and giving yourself a mountain to climb in terms of job applications when you want to work. People need to be taken off sick benefit for many non severe mental health conditions and given support to return to work. Not chucked on the scrapheap. Especially not young people who will waste their lives, health and potential because of fear of getting a job or doing things that scare them

Orangesandlemons77 · 16/03/2025 17:17

Booksaresick · 16/03/2025 16:40

Yes I agree. My GP diagnosed me as “depressed” a few years ago and promptly suggested I take antidepressants. It was my insistence that my fatigue is not normal and that I have to have my bloods checked that led to a diagnosis of iron-deficiency anaemia. Caused by a gynae condition that required a major surgery.
severe anaemia can manifest itself similarly to clinical depression.
but my GP was very eager to write “depression” and couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t just take antidepressants and go off sick.

I had this too, mine was combined with low vitamin D (which can also cause tiredness and depression) I had to ask for blood tests, thankfully my new GP is better and did these more recently as well.

LaurieFairyCake · 16/03/2025 17:21

Modern life is HIDEOUS.

I can literally think of hundreds of examples where we could do so much better as a society. The biggest problem is the gap between rich and poor, greater than at ANY POINT in history in the UK.

this leads to insecurity in every area; housing, jobs, relationships, whether you’re ever going to afford a baby, a place to live, a pension, good health. Even bloody dentistry is completely unaffordable.

all while we’re surrounded by a media that tells us we’re failing, where instagram and Tik tok tell you’re NOTHING without XYZ while the climate death is actually going to kill our children + our grandchildren.

Having poor mental health is a perfectly NORMAL response in this shitty world as so many people can’t protect themselves from poverty and struggle to protect themselves from social media.

User37482 · 16/03/2025 17:25

I have a generalised anxiety disorder, I still had to work, I would say it was actually good for me. My anxiety got really bad after a period of unemployment due to a move. I think people can have MH problems that need treatment (drugs, counselling etc) but I’m not sure how being signed off work would have helped. It took a lot of will to get back out of my house once I stopped leaving it.

Miley1967 · 16/03/2025 17:26

Happyinarcon · 16/03/2025 15:47

I think modern life is causing mental health issues. I think they are probably under diagnosed, I’m surprised at how well people are coping to be honest, since the media switches from global warming, world war and then the asteroid. I still never worked out if all the bees are still dying or not

Agree. We have to work fifty years often in stressful shitty jobs, half of that time alongside juggling childcare or care for older family members, same thing day in day out. Then even when kids are teenagers or young adults they all have anxiety, MH issues etc and we try to support with those. I have had short periods of extreme anxiety when I've ended up on anti-depressants both times the result of horrible nasty managers who had put multiple other employees through the same thing but never been held to account for their actions. I spent thirty years in a career seeing suffering on a daily basis, think palliative care, putting people into body bags, trying to alleviate people's suffering. I had kids and took four/ five months mat leave off with each due to being broke, that ultimately causes MH issues. I went through losing three parents and in laws suddenly and no time to get our head around any of it and two friends through suicide all in the space of a few short years. I know it's just life and we get through it and try to cope as best you can. You only have to read some of the suffering people here on MN go through to see why people suffer as they do with MH- poverty, isolation, dv. I don't think there is the same sense of community any more or support. My mum had severe MH issues back in the seventies and eighties, but she didn't have to work, had a great support of neighbours and church friends and family to help her recovery. many don't have that now, it's all constant pressure. Any yes nowadays it's in our faces through media and social media all the time, doom and gloom.

Sheknowsaboutme · 16/03/2025 17:28

Absolutely! I find its the younger generation (20/30’s) love them labels more.

working with them is something else. Comparing symptoms and “my anxiety is worse than yours”, “oh my sertraline dose us higher than yours”

fuck off. Seriously too old to care.

AirborneElephant · 16/03/2025 17:29

I’m not convinced they’re over diagnosed, but I think the expectation after a diagnosis is way out of line. It seems to have become that if you have “poor mental health “ it’s an excuse for anything. It’s ok not to work, or not to do anything that you find difficult. We have staff in my office (more than one) who use ADHD as a get out of jail free card for any sort of poor performance or behaviour. it should be seen as a tool to help people deal with and continue those parts of life they find particularly difficult.

And yes, before anyone asks I do have a diagnosis myself.

whatsit84 · 16/03/2025 17:29

Yes. Even though I have been diagnosed myself!

Tomatotater · 16/03/2025 17:32

soupyspoon · 16/03/2025 17:08

And this is the key in my view, that you keep on keeping on, even if its uncomfortable and anxiety provoking and difficult, even if you only do a bit and then return to carry on (whatever the situation entails)

What is happening at the moment is that the minute there is something uncomfortable it becomes 'cant do it wont do it'. Particularly for children.

I agree. There is a lot of ' I can't do this because of my anxiety' and then leaving it at that rather than saying actually sometimes you need to just keep on challenging it and not giving into it, which will just make it worse. As if mental health is just a full stop. In an article on going back into the office someone who was in her 20's said she couldn't go into the office because of her anxiety. Well it is something that makes a lot of people anxious, but before the Pandemic, she would have just had to do it. She would probably have had to find strategies for her anxiety and probably overcome it by going into work every day.

Maviaz · 16/03/2025 17:33

I remember a post by someone on here a couple of years ago talking about this.
She said as a child she was always described as “highly strung” but her parents and teachers managed her appropriately. She would certainly never have been allowed to get out of doing things in or out of school. As an adult she was grateful for this and saw the benefits.

Now she had a daughter who presented in very much the same way and was being labelled at school as having anxiety. The daughter was following the lead of others who had anxiety and getting out of doing certain things because of having “anxiety”. The school and the daughter’s friend were going along with it.
The woman was sad and frustrated her daughter was missing out and wasn’t having the experiences she should be having

Darkeststarwillshine · 16/03/2025 17:37

If you go to the GP for mental health issues they can only really diagnose depression and anxiety. Schizophrenia, bipolar, personality disorders etc can only be diagnosed by a psychiatrist. I'm sure now and again a psychiatrist will get it wrong but usually a misdiagnosis doesn't mean no diagnosis it probably means they just have a different mental illness than the psychiatrist first thought. Also people are very different and for example one person who has Schizophrenia may well have a job and another may be totally unable to work.

If a person has a mild depression they can be referred to iapt which they do a short course of cbt. Often though the short course only scratches the surface. If they can come up with a way to help those with more mild mental health issues .

Tomatotater · 16/03/2025 17:41

.You only have to read some of the suffering people here on MN go through to see why people suffer as they do with MH- poverty, isolation, dv
But being signed off sick with no expectations that you have to do something to help yourself leads to more poverty and more isolation, with little to chance of getting out of it. If a 21 year old is coming out of University and going straight on the sick because of mental health, they will find it very difficult to get out of that. Their friends would have all moved on and away while they are languishing at presumably their parents home on benefits. What kind of life is that? Compared to just being made to face their fears and trying to get a job, where they will have an income, be at a similar level to their peers, learn, meet new people?

PenneyFouryourthoughts · 16/03/2025 17:43

I thought I had depression but my GP said I had "low mood". It was a bugger to get out of though, and took me about 18 months to feel better. I was anxious too but never diagnosed formally. I think having certain personality traits can lend to predisposition. I had also forgotten to do basic things to keep my low mood at bay, and my then husband enabled my helplessness. It was a long slow decline until I sought help to reverse matters. It wasn't until a Talking Therapies staffer asked when was the last time I went out for a long walk, or went to get a haircut, or did something just for pleasure, that I realised I had got myself stuck in a rut.

Was I depressed? Maybe, or maybe not, or perhaps it was just my brain telling me I needed to give myself good kick up the arse. I needed counselling though, because CBT did nothing, and together with mindfulness exercises I slowly came out of it. But therapy only gets so far, you have to help yourself. Even if it's one small thing like going outside.

People still diagnose me though, not HCAs but people I know, who say I have ASD. I completely reject that because I know I am shy, introverted, and get tired by prolonged social entanglement. I don't have a lot of friends. I'm the person that goes home from a party at 9pm. So over it! I do think cod-psychologists are telling friends they have all kinds of "conditions" when in fact it's just their personality!

DancefloorAcrobatics · 16/03/2025 17:46

I agree, it's both over & under diagnosed.

I have a colleague who uses MH as a way to blackmail our department. There have been many concessions made in favour for this person to the depremental effect of the rest of the team. All under the disguise of reasonable adjustment. Managers are aware but HR can't do anything because of Dr notes ect. He definitely knows how to play the system.
I believe it is people like this colleague, that are clogging up the system, anyone not forthcoming or more forceful will just be sent back home and to work by their GP. .. when really some forms of anxiety and depression will by their nature make it difficult to seek professional help in the first place.

Teanbiscuits33 · 16/03/2025 17:52

I think it’s being self - diagnosed too much, and on one hand you have everyone thinking normal reactions and emotions are mental health problems, but also I do think there’s a lot of under diagnosing going on! I’ve suffered with depression, anxiety and OCD since way before they were so widely discussed, and I do feel like if I ever have to mention it (rarely) people don’t believe me 🤣

WhatIsCorndogs · 16/03/2025 17:53

Honestly, personally I am not surprised so many people are struggling with their mental health. We don't live in multi-generational community groups any more, we spend all day indoors and away from nature, we eat UPF, worry about money, spend too long on smartphones, there's noise pollution and light pollution everywhere...I could go on. We are so divorced from how we as humans have evolved to live that it's inevitable we'll have mental health issues.

Veronay · 16/03/2025 17:57

Tomatotater · 16/03/2025 17:41

.You only have to read some of the suffering people here on MN go through to see why people suffer as they do with MH- poverty, isolation, dv
But being signed off sick with no expectations that you have to do something to help yourself leads to more poverty and more isolation, with little to chance of getting out of it. If a 21 year old is coming out of University and going straight on the sick because of mental health, they will find it very difficult to get out of that. Their friends would have all moved on and away while they are languishing at presumably their parents home on benefits. What kind of life is that? Compared to just being made to face their fears and trying to get a job, where they will have an income, be at a similar level to their peers, learn, meet new people?

One of the bigger problems is that in today's economy, people and in particular young people aren't able to afford a basic life and to move out etc. The best many can do is to rent (at huge expense) a room in a hosuehsare, which even for people with good MH/ NT eventually leads to mental health issues.

Veronay · 16/03/2025 17:59

WhatIsCorndogs · 16/03/2025 17:53

Honestly, personally I am not surprised so many people are struggling with their mental health. We don't live in multi-generational community groups any more, we spend all day indoors and away from nature, we eat UPF, worry about money, spend too long on smartphones, there's noise pollution and light pollution everywhere...I could go on. We are so divorced from how we as humans have evolved to live that it's inevitable we'll have mental health issues.

Completely. The combination of being shown false 'perfect' lives on SM and the reality of working super hard and having nothing to show for it is unsurprisingly too much.

Lightuptheroom · 16/03/2025 17:59

8 years ago, my step sons mum died suddenly. He felt unable to cope and tried to end his life. His gp prescribed strong antidepressants and then basically walked away. Everything became 'self help' and 'talking therapy' which could only be accessed by him (as he's an adult) Each time he booked an appointment, he would refuse to go and that 'service' would close him off due to 'non engagement' He is not a talker, so talking therapy didn't work. He developed 'health anxiety' around a couple of symptoms including stomach aches. He started calling 999 whenever he got a stomach ache as our gp services wouldn't book ordinary appointments. He drinks vast quantities of energy drinks, nobody ever suggested that this might contribute to the stomach aches and not being able to sleep at night!!
Now, he's apparently been 'diagnosed' and told he is on the spectrum and possible ADHD... he's latched onto this as the latest 'reason' he 'can't' even look for a job, let alone go to work. He's been on the universal credit limit capability group thing for 8 years. It took the work coach 2 years to 'help' him write a cv, he was 'thinking about' apprenticeships, but didn't apply as nobody supported him through that process. He's amazing with animals, particularly dogs, yet the 'work coach' has done absolutely nothing to assist with finding courses he could attend. So, 8 years on from a single traumatic event, we have a non functioning adult who has no idea how to change things and services who tell him he doesn't 'need' to be looking for work - he's under 30 years old, yes he does need to look for work, he can go out every night with his mates, he can work, yet the system in his case is aiding the idea that he 'can't'
The system is broken and its leaving broken people in its wake.

EasternStandard · 16/03/2025 18:00

So much noise on this it’s hard to know what the intentions are, I’ve stopped following it all to a degree.

On this I think it’s a bit of a pointless statement that either sets the scene for cutting funding or doesn’t.

I suspect it’s to justify cutting welfare but still waiting on Labour to communicate what they’ll actually do.

greengreyblue · 16/03/2025 18:01

HermioneWeasley · 16/03/2025 13:59

Yea, I think we are now pathologising normal (albeit uncomfortable) emotions and a range of personality traits.

Tbis

Italiandreams · 16/03/2025 18:05

As someone who is currently seeking a diagnosis for a child that quite clearly has ASD, I see things a little differently to how I might have previously.

We have had to fight hard to get support, he is coping well and I have nothing but the highest expectations for him. But he does need support and he learns things differently. When he doesn’t have the right supports in place, he really struggles and gets overwhelmed, it’s very distressing for him.

The lack of resources for early intervention in appalling and is leading to poor mental health. There is so much pressure and expectation in the world today, and you are expected to perform and keep up constantly.

I have relatives that quite clearly have ASD that have struggled with mental health hugely, and if support had been in place in their childhood they would have managed life much better.

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