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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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6
Lost20211 · 17/03/2025 13:11

NattyTurtle59 · 16/03/2025 23:21

I agree with this. Many young people really have no idea about life in earlier times, when people lived the way they wouldn't dream of living. Do they really think that life in the war years, or the depression years, was a bed of roses? I really can't understand how ignorant some people are.

I'm not in the UK, we all have to pay to visit a dentist here, and a GP (a subsidised amount, but it still has to be paid) and we cope - and it's just as hard to see a GP here.

I've just been for a long walk and passed a lot of very nice, very large, and very expensive houses, and then arrived back to my rented flat (and I will be renting for the rest of my life). So what? Am I envious, no I'm not, there have always been those with much more wealth than I've ever had, it's no big deal. I don't believe life owes me anything.

I also don't believe that work, for many, is any more stressful than it was in the past. I worked in administration my whole life, no-one ever expected me to do anything out of work hours, and I would say I worked harder in the early part of my working life than I did in the latter years.

As for social media, it's easy to avoid that - just keep off it! No-one is forcing anyone onto social media, it's a choice. Stop looking for excuses.

Well, I doubt anyone would suggest that life was a bed of roses during the war or depression. It could be that there is more prevalence of mental ill health now, or, that we have become better at recognising and diagnosing it now.

Life maybe easier in many ways, however, it may be more challenging in others. It’s just different.

Many countries have been in a cost of living crisis for a number of years. Home ownership may well be nothing more than a distant dream for many young people. With rampant inflation, and wage stagnation, wages have seen a real terms cut. Most people feel the pinch. In the UK, more and more people (many of whom work) are using food banks.

Arguably, Gen Z and Millenials have had it harder than their parents, financially speaking.

You worked in administration, which is only one profession. I would imagine that health and social care workers (in the NHS anyway) would tell a different story given underinvestment for decades. There are entire teams that are struggling as they cannot keep staff (see point above re wage stagnation, resulting in unpaid overtime, increased workloads etc.

I agree that people can, and should, limit time on social media. It is detrimental. But, easier said than done. In my own family, the worst users of social media are actually my parents (baby boomers). Some suggest that technology and devices are addictive, and the younger people are when use starts, the more detrimental the impact. Which means that a while generation was raised with it before the impact was known.

528htz · 17/03/2025 14:06

NewMarmiteJar · 17/03/2025 09:58

Pharma make money selling drugs. Reps flog them to private & NHS. Drugs are prescribed by doctors for diagnosed illnesses.

Working for a couple of these firms briefly in the 90s was quite the eye opener. (Amgen and Napp in Cambridge Science Park.)

I'm autistic and adhd and have been on every ssri going for anxiety and depression which then worsened significantly. The gp changed it to an snri and my life has been completely transformed. I'm 55 and now socialising for the very first time in my life. I actually have a life now.

But yeah, big pharma poisoning everyone innit 🙄

Ffs

NewMarmiteJar · 17/03/2025 14:18

528htz · 17/03/2025 14:06

I'm autistic and adhd and have been on every ssri going for anxiety and depression which then worsened significantly. The gp changed it to an snri and my life has been completely transformed. I'm 55 and now socialising for the very first time in my life. I actually have a life now.

But yeah, big pharma poisoning everyone innit 🙄

Ffs

Where did I say big pharmacy are poisoning everyone?

NewMarmiteJar · 17/03/2025 14:20

NewMarmiteJar · 17/03/2025 14:18

Where did I say big pharmacy are poisoning everyone?

Pharma not pharmacy

528htz · 17/03/2025 14:31

NewMarmiteJar · 17/03/2025 14:20

Pharma not pharmacy

You were criticising pharmaceutical companies?

Verv · 17/03/2025 14:33

I agree with Streeting.

528htz · 17/03/2025 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Big pharma encouraging doctors to prescribe for NDs? You do know that all NDs come with a dose of mental illness/trauma/poor mental functioning and that medication can treat this?

528htz · 17/03/2025 14:37

Posting americanised rubbish about exploitation of ND people by pharmaceutical companies is extremely damaging and harmful to ND people, many of whom rely on these medications to survive, myself and my adult children included.

It might just be a throwaway quip to you, but it's deadly serious to some of us.

528htz · 17/03/2025 14:40

You wouldn't stigmatise type 1 diabetics for using insulin? Well don't stigmatise head meds for people who need them.

Yamyamabroad · 17/03/2025 14:54

We need to look at this in conjunction with NHS provision and support to get back to work.

I work in a field where I meet several people every day, I am privvy to their medical information and they have never worked since they left school 40 years ago. They have no intention of ever doing so. More often than not they cite depression or anxiety as the reason they cant work but they are perfectly capable of holding down some kind of job.
I also work with many truly vulnerable people who could never work yet have to keep going through the agony of reapplying for benefits and support. If anything, I would like more money given to them - perhaps by taking it from the ones who are just reluctant to work?

We need a programme to differentiate between the two groups and help the former to get back to work and realise the benefits that routine, self esteem, a purpose and interaction can have on your mental health.

We also need to cut down NHS waiting lists so people with chronic conditions can be treated and get back to work rather than having to retire 10 years early waiting for a hip replacement.

I could go on and on but it really needs looking at holistically so money is targeted where it is needed. We are just building up issues for the future by not talking to our young people about how normal it is to feel a bit sad, nervous or anxious sometimes. It doesn't necessarily mean you have mental health issues and will spiral down to the point where you can't ever expect to work!

NapT1me · 17/03/2025 15:29

Anotherdaywasted · 17/03/2025 09:25

Do you understand that some ND people are non verbal. Some have issues with mobility. Many cannot cope in mainstream school. Many are in special schools. How are they not disabled?

Edited

Autism is a protected disability. That was an ableist comment.

NapT1me · 17/03/2025 15:30

Gloriia · 17/03/2025 12:33

I've made it up that we have too many people claiming to have mh problems and that is why pip is having to be rehashed because claims have increased by a third in 4yrs?

We have too many people with obesity, how about we stop treating them and the fallout from obesity( heart disease, cancer)?

No I thought not.

ShriekingTrespasser · 17/03/2025 15:36

Various research shows that we need the following for good mental well-being -
nutrition
exercise
nature
good human connections

This is what people need to have a good baseline for good mental health and which so many of us lack due to our lifestyles.

Tech isn’t a problem in itself, but it is addictive and interferes with our time we should be devoting to the things above.

NewMarmiteJar · 17/03/2025 15:40

528htz · 17/03/2025 14:31

You were criticising pharmaceutical companies?

Where exactly was I criticising please?

I have adhd, epilepsy, a heart condition serious enough to have had open heart surgery and was diagnosed with clinical depression aged 20.

None of these conditions have left me unable to work.

My comment was designed to make a simple statement on the voracity of big pharmaceutical firms making money out of the levels of diagnoses and in no way did I denigrate their position in society.

Check your reading comprehension before attacking posters in future please.

528htz · 17/03/2025 16:22

NewMarmiteJar · 17/03/2025 15:40

Where exactly was I criticising please?

I have adhd, epilepsy, a heart condition serious enough to have had open heart surgery and was diagnosed with clinical depression aged 20.

None of these conditions have left me unable to work.

My comment was designed to make a simple statement on the voracity of big pharmaceutical firms making money out of the levels of diagnoses and in no way did I denigrate their position in society.

Check your reading comprehension before attacking posters in future please.

Oh really? Interesting.

Well perhaps you need to make your posts clearer so that people can actually understand what it is you're trying to say.

NewMarmiteJar · 17/03/2025 16:28

528htz · 17/03/2025 16:22

Oh really? Interesting.

Well perhaps you need to make your posts clearer so that people can actually understand what it is you're trying to say.

That’s as maybe however your enthusiasm for arguing and misquoting strangers online outweighs my energy at this stage so I’ll gracefully bow out. Enjoy your evening.

satsumaqueen · 17/03/2025 17:31

From what I’ve seen just going about life I think it’s both over and under diagnosed. The people who really do need the help because they have severe mental health issues are left to get on with it and not given the help they need. Then you have (a lot) of other people who just can’t cope with every day life and challenges or frustrations it brings. They either self diagnose or go to the doctor pleading anxiety when in reality it’s just part of life.

Emonade · 17/03/2025 18:04

Newgirls · 16/03/2025 15:17

Hmmm I think very few people are probably ‘neurotypical’ so perhaps we are too quick to diagnose compared to the past.

Based on what?!

Tiredalwaystired · 17/03/2025 18:12

Emonade · 17/03/2025 18:04

Based on what?!

If too few are neurotypical then it’s about bloody time we completely adapted the way we’re expected to live these days. Because it sure isn’t working for the neurodiverse.

Tiredalwaystired · 17/03/2025 18:12

Sorry that was aimed at @Newgirls

Whyamiherenow · 17/03/2025 18:28

I think it depends. DH has pretty bad PTSD from being in the military. This is a diagnosis. He has had some counselling over the years which didn’t help greatly. He tried medication but the side effects were too much for him. So now he manages with different coping strategies such as exercise and specific social events. His PTSD does still impact our lives quite significantly. There are things he can’t do or struggles to do and slack I have to pick up. But his diagnosis has no cost associated with it directly. He doesn’t get any benefits. He has no medication or counselling costs etc. I think what they mean is diagnoses that have associated costs.

Freud2 · 17/03/2025 18:30

I've been a counsellor for 35 years and the biggest scandal seems to be with PIP for mental health issues. Many patients I've seen are working full time often commuting every day and earning an above average wage yet still getting up to £700 per month supposedly to help them be independent! It is easy to exaggerate your symptoms on the often online form. So many claiming that come to me have mild anxiety. Obviously people with physical disabilities often need money for help with living but I really don't understand why the government doesn't stop PIP for mental issues especially when they're almost certainly getting other benefits as well. Surely unless you have a severe mental disorder you really don't need extra money.

Mygosh · 17/03/2025 18:31

I think it's very small minded of him and some of the comments here, such as, I can work with xyz so why can't others.

We are all different. Some people can work with depression or anxiety, for others it's so crippling that they cannot leave their houses.

I was diagnosed with autism recently, I always knew I was 'different'. It's offensive to say these things are over diagnosed. I waited 3.5 years to see a specialist on the NHS. The diagnosis isn't just based on that day, but medical records and childhood history.

The majority of people on disability are genuine.

NapT1me · 17/03/2025 18:38

Freud2 · 17/03/2025 18:30

I've been a counsellor for 35 years and the biggest scandal seems to be with PIP for mental health issues. Many patients I've seen are working full time often commuting every day and earning an above average wage yet still getting up to £700 per month supposedly to help them be independent! It is easy to exaggerate your symptoms on the often online form. So many claiming that come to me have mild anxiety. Obviously people with physical disabilities often need money for help with living but I really don't understand why the government doesn't stop PIP for mental issues especially when they're almost certainly getting other benefits as well. Surely unless you have a severe mental disorder you really don't need extra money.

Sorry but who goes to a counsellor and discusses their benefits?I’ve had therapy and never discussed my financial business,why would I? And what therapist is totting up which of their patients are on PIP and begrudging them it? None.

“Mental issues “ as you put it can be extremely debilitating and more so than some physical disabilities .

Bleeky · 17/03/2025 18:39

One issue is that the diagnosis means can’t work. OCD, adhd, anxiety …. People have had these MH issues and worked for centuries

but now
can’t work