To want to leave our dream house because of neighbours tv on party wall

[sapphicy]

Bit of a rant. We’ve issues with our neighbours - semi detached house, we’ve been here 5 years and started off well (Christmas cards etc) but then a year or so ago they put a tv on the shared wall (right below where our headboard is) and refused to move it when we explained we can hear it over our own tv and we can’t sleep when its on as we can hear every single word reverberating in the wall. We’ve tried talking to them several times and also written a letter asking them to move this tv off the wall, their answer is always no.

Long story short we’ve resorted to playing white noise full blast through the smart speaker every night, right against the wall behind our bed, as it’s the only way we can sleep over their tv. They’re retired and seem to be night owls, so the tv noise continues to 1-2am even on weeknights. I have to get up at 6.30 for work and I was so tired for a while it was making me ill.

Their tv is annoying during the evenings too as we have to turn our tv up ridiculously loud to not be able to also hear theirs, and if we have guests over people will comment about how loud their tv is, it’s not nice trying to have a nice chilled dinner and all we can hear is them watching the news.

DP lost her temper one night and banged on their door until they opened - they basically told her to pee off and that we were not going to tell them where they put their tv or what they do in their own home. It’s like they think we’re a pair of hysterical women exaggerating about how loud it is on our side.

Theyve now also had their bathroom ripped out and the old suite and all the bags of rubble have been in their front garden for about a month, it’s a real eyesore.

I am at my wits end. I knocked on the door last week after another neighbour messaged me moaning about the dumped bathroom, and they were clearly at home and ignoring me.

This house was a dream come true for us and we’ve spent our savings making it nice, and we’ve now been reduced to relying on the bloody Alexa in order to be able to sleep. Luckily DD room is on the other side of the house but if we were to have another baby they’d also have a room on the party wall and would be kept awake by the noise.

I am reluctant to go to the council as we’d then have to declare the problems if we decide to sell the house.

Would add that we haven’t done anything to wind them up - we go to bed early and don’t party! The worst we’ve ever had was a few drunk guests vaping in the garden on a Saturday night, and DD crying all night was over long before they put the tv on the wall.

AIBU to want to cut our losses and move into something detached, even if we make a loss? DP wants to stand our ground, but they own their house so unless they sell, this is probably just going to continue forever.

Any other ideas? :(

i am not really a big fan of fighting fire with fire - things can escalate quickly.

another issue here is it sounds like this couple is hard of hearing.

My parents are hard of hearing, their neighbor is deaf as a post. They both blast their tv and radio - their phones are switched up to the highest ring available. Neither is annoyed by the other - but I hate visiting! I dread when new neighbors move in next to my parents - that’s when the trouble will start!

so blasting music might have very little effect. They mightn’t even hear it😂

Central heating?

If you do move, it’s only right to tell any buyers about the problem.
It would be horrible to just inflict the problem onto any buyers (how would you feel if someone did that to you?).

Oh, come ON!!! Of course you’re not going to mention it!

This. My son is autistic and a very poor sleeper and his bedroom wall joins the party wall with our neighbours bathroom. He has baths and showers late at night and in and out during the night flushing the toilet and shutting the door loudly. His water taps squeal too when first turned on. We used rock wool soundproofing insulation and plasterboard over this and it’s made a HUGE difference. I’m not saying you can’t hear it if it’s silent in my sons room but it’s no longer wakes or him or causes him to not be able to get to sleep as it used to. The noise transfer has reduced by about 80%. It’s less extreme than selling the house perhaps?

That is so very sad. You have two elderly people living next door and driving you crazy because they have their TV too loud and won't turn it down when you shout and rave at them and return the noise tenfold.

They don't think it is loud. If you think it is too loud for you to live comfortably in your home because you cannot rearrange your furniture to avoid the noise, or take other steps, what you do is contact your local council and ask them to send round a Noise Abatement Officer to assess the situation, and they will advise you.

That elderly couple must be scared out of their wits as to what you might do next. You may not like the old folks being anywhere near you, and you might prefer them to go and join other elderly folks somewhere, but they probably love their home and don't want to move.

Having said that, perhaps they would like to move. Ask them. Tell them you will pay all their moving expenses, and their stamp duty and solicitor's fees, in fact all the expenses it will cost you if you move, and perhaps they might like to move.

You could tell them you will pay for the council to remove their old bathroom.

No one knows how long they have to live, but chances are that their lives will be ended before yours, and you should make what little time they have left a bit more enjoyable than it is at the moment.

And if all those who feel hard done by when they read my posts, I don't give a monkey's. When the elderly are under pressure, they withdraw into a protective form of dementia, so that they do not have to face the people they fear.

It is the universal hum. If you google it, you will find it is everywhere and no one knows what it is or why it is.

What a load of ageist drivel.

I'd seriously look into moving your bedroom around and soundproofing as surely that's cheaper than moving house?

I had the neighbours from hell with noise in a terrace house. The baby would cry all night and they would leave the windows open. He went to work at 5am but would sit in his car for 20mins revving. He would take loud speaker phone calls in the garden every afternoon. He would also play techno pop really loudly. Leave for holiday at 2am with the taxi driver pulled up in my parking space whilst they dragged suitcases across my property

i mentioned it one time and thereafter he purposefully got noisier.

Thankfully they moved out after four years. Now my neighbours are pretty cool. But I have learned one thing and that’s to just live my life as I want to.

I'm always courteous and try to be considerate, but ultimately I just do me as everyone else does. So, I have to be honest and say if you came to my door asking me to move my tv, I’d think it was a you problem and I’d be reluctant to move my house around to accommodate your needs.

Have you anything better to contribute? Everyone gets old and rely on the help and generosity of the folks around them. It is sad that it should be necessary to pass laws to protect old people. I can see why they have though, judging by all the commiserations the OP is receiving on here.

Have there ever been so much spite and venom aimed at the elderly as the suggestions of solving a simple problem? They are an elderly couple, not a lot of young people holding wild parties.

Have you ever known an elderly friend or relative whose dementia is actually being used as a shield to protect them against someone who may be bullying them? It is one of the saddest things, and is probably why dementia is on the increase.

There was a news item on BBC last night about young mums who are taking their babies into care homes so that the folk there can see new life, and it is working wonders.

I have pointed out measures that the OP can take to help get rid of the noise. It has nothing to do with ageism, but everything to do with living in harmony. I have suggested ways in which the two families can live moderately congenially.

They are completely unreasonable and need to invest in headphones.

Can you cut their electrical cables. (Joking)

It only needs to be disclosed as a neighbour dispute if you have taken some sort of formal action, eg legal letters or lodged a complaint with the council. You don’t need to declare it if it’s just a case of you informally discussing a problem with your neighbour. So it’s understandable that OP doesn’t want to go down a formal route.

That's the attitude your nightmare neighbours had. How did that work out for you?

If you live anywhere with party walls you should be respectful to your neighbours.

In this case OP I'd get the council involved.

Knock out your fitted wardrobes ( sorry if repeating people as only read htt ) Like just whack them with a sledgehammer ( or pay a professional to remove them preopely and then try to sell them on ebay.)
Remove any other furniture in the room . Put your bed where the wardrobe was, Put in the cheapest but most effective soundproofing you can find on the party wall. Buy some lovely old proper wardrobes from an op shop or ebay. Don't put them touching the party wall. You can supaglue old carpet to the backs of the wardrobes too!

Smart idea or just blast heavy metal from morning to night - not that sensible unless all your family is wearing noise cancelling headphones

Post some bluetooth headphones through their door ( with instructions) and a note "love from Aunt Dot" They won't have a clue who that is but you are in the clear.

But I had a good attitude with my nightmare neighbours and it got me four years of hell.

The council won’t do anything. I tried that with them and they basically won’t intervene when it’s in house noise unless it’s commercial noise. They will tell the OP to take it up civilly.

That wasn't the fault of other neighbours though, who behave respectfully. I had the same thing with a noisy neighbour on several occasions but that didn't mean I stopped being courteous to other people when they moved in.
I'm so sorry you had to deal with four years of that horror and you got no support. I'm pretty sure it would come under environmental health and the council.

But I don’t behave discourteously now. I just live my life as I want to and I wouldn’t move my house around upon the request of my neighbour, not when they won’t move their house around.

Pop on your local council’s website and look at the noise compliant section. People think the council will jump in and save the day, but in reality they don’t and won’t - they will encourage you to pursue it privately.

Surely having a loud TV on the wall isn't being courteous. There are some things you just don't do because of the effect on other people.

I had a lot of support from the council when I had problem neighbours. Maybe I was just lucky. In the case of the OP, it may be that a letter from the council suffices to make the neighbours realise they can't do as they wish because it's impacting negatively on other people.

llizzie · Yesterday 22:53

Having said that, perhaps they would like to move. Ask them. Tell them you will pay all their moving expenses, and their stamp duty and solicitor's fees, in fact all the expenses it will cost you if you move, and perhaps they might like to move.

Pay all their moving expenses? Good grief!!! And having spent a fortune moving them out, what if the next lot are worse, there's no guarantee you'll get better neighbours!

Utterly ridiculous! If OP's going to spend money because of the problem neighbour, spending it moving herself into a detached house would be best.

But if it’s resolved through official means it doesn’t matter if it gets disclosed because problem fixed and a buyer has no issue

Get soundproofing in the joining wall then build a padded headboard from floor to ceiling as extra to block any remaining noise.

You’d think that but a cautious buyer could still be put off. In case the neighbour is generally difficult and there might be other issues in the future.

Bit random.... you mention 2 girls... it made me wonder if this is discrimination due to your sexual orientation? Is this intentional? To get you out?

I'd move. Whoever started this trend of having cinema-size TV screens on the party wall needs to be shot. It's the cause of much misery and arguments between neighbours. Yours sound particularly unaccommodating and bloody-minded though. Even if soundproofing your wall works, and there's no guarantee it will, there will be something else so I would just cut my losses and move. We had severe noise problems from a neighbour once with their piano against the party wall and it was the cause of us moving but to be relieved of the constant stress and disturbance outweighed any financial loss. Whatever you do, do not report it as it will go on record and hinder any future sale. There is also no point doing anything 'tit for tat' like putting your own TV on the wall and having it loud because the whole issue then just turns into an obsession and all you want is a quiet peaceful life. Sorry to hear of your misery. It sounds awful.