To want to leave our dream house because of neighbours tv on party wall

[sapphicy]

Bit of a rant. We’ve issues with our neighbours - semi detached house, we’ve been here 5 years and started off well (Christmas cards etc) but then a year or so ago they put a tv on the shared wall (right below where our headboard is) and refused to move it when we explained we can hear it over our own tv and we can’t sleep when its on as we can hear every single word reverberating in the wall. We’ve tried talking to them several times and also written a letter asking them to move this tv off the wall, their answer is always no.

Long story short we’ve resorted to playing white noise full blast through the smart speaker every night, right against the wall behind our bed, as it’s the only way we can sleep over their tv. They’re retired and seem to be night owls, so the tv noise continues to 1-2am even on weeknights. I have to get up at 6.30 for work and I was so tired for a while it was making me ill.

Their tv is annoying during the evenings too as we have to turn our tv up ridiculously loud to not be able to also hear theirs, and if we have guests over people will comment about how loud their tv is, it’s not nice trying to have a nice chilled dinner and all we can hear is them watching the news.

DP lost her temper one night and banged on their door until they opened - they basically told her to pee off and that we were not going to tell them where they put their tv or what they do in their own home. It’s like they think we’re a pair of hysterical women exaggerating about how loud it is on our side.

Theyve now also had their bathroom ripped out and the old suite and all the bags of rubble have been in their front garden for about a month, it’s a real eyesore.

I am at my wits end. I knocked on the door last week after another neighbour messaged me moaning about the dumped bathroom, and they were clearly at home and ignoring me.

This house was a dream come true for us and we’ve spent our savings making it nice, and we’ve now been reduced to relying on the bloody Alexa in order to be able to sleep. Luckily DD room is on the other side of the house but if we were to have another baby they’d also have a room on the party wall and would be kept awake by the noise.

I am reluctant to go to the council as we’d then have to declare the problems if we decide to sell the house.

Would add that we haven’t done anything to wind them up - we go to bed early and don’t party! The worst we’ve ever had was a few drunk guests vaping in the garden on a Saturday night, and DD crying all night was over long before they put the tv on the wall.

AIBU to want to cut our losses and move into something detached, even if we make a loss? DP wants to stand our ground, but they own their house so unless they sell, this is probably just going to continue forever.

Any other ideas? :(

I sympathise, I have a neighbour who bought a very big TV with surround sound and bass and stuck it on a party wall... It's so inconsiderate.

I know you can't easily remove the fitted wardrobe, but have you tried moving 180 degrees on the bed so your head is where your feet currently are? I'd try a few different things like that, speaking to a sound insulation professional and maybe getting quotes for moving the wardrobe and boiler. If you love the house, minus your shitty neighbours, then why not investigate a few things before you decide to move. A sound insulation professional might be able to give you good advice re how likely sound proofing is likely to work in your case as I imagine it varies by property type and type of sound as well as how you do the sound insulation. I also think you are probably already at the stage where you need to disclose this to buyers, so have a look at your council pages too to see whether this is something they're likely to help with and then make a decision or not to whether to involve them. It sounds like you're (understandably) at the end of your tether, but I think there's a few different things you could try yet.

I apologise if my suggestions have already been answered.

Doesn't the boiler in the fitted wardrobe make a noise when it fires up? Why in the bedroom? Are you saying you can only hear the next door TV and nothing else?

Do the two houses have the same layout but in reverse? Is their TV in t heir bedroom or the lounge? Where is yours?

Boilers tend to have more pipework around them, so perhaps it might be a case of moving your boiler for a quiet life? Has your boiler always been sited there?

Perhaps you could find someone who could mediate between you and your neighbour as to the best positions for you all to have a quiet life? Your local council might charge for their experts on housing, but it will be worth it. No advice is given free these days, but you have to live with your neighbour and life can get very miserable if you cannot find a solution.

This problem is probably the most frequent cause of controversy and there are always solutions if you find the right people to help. No good punishing the elderly couple. You could fall foul of the ''Elder Abuse' law.

You're probably going to have to declare it anyway because you are already in dispute with the neighbours so I wouldn't worry too much about that now. The rubbish in their garden, forget it. Let the other neighbours complain about it. Your issue is the noise which is a statutory nuisance and will be considered antisocial behaviour. You need to go to the council. They aren't going to be reasonable.

I don't understand why people are always reluctant to go to the council when they've already been having back and forth disputes with the neighbours for a long time anyway. You can't exactly say no anyway if someone asks you if you have any known issues with the neighbours when you sell because you do have issues, regardless if you've been to the council.

Move to a detached house, making sure there are no shared driveways or other parking issues in the road, and relax.
I’ve learned by experience only to live in a detached.

I think there are solutions and solutions. No one can really predict how effective they are going to be until you try them.

Provided you are willing to give up a fair amount of space though they should be more effective. Maybe this in conjunction with earplugs and headphone cancelling might provide a solution. Hopefully an engineer can give you a realistic idea of how successful any solution is likely to be based on the wall construction.

This could be moved? Fitted wardrobes aren't permanent, immovable fixtures. If you switched the bed round with wardrobes (you could have new, less dated, non fitted ones), then the clothes in the wardrobes will likely deaden the sound.

If you're not prepared to move your room around for a problem that affects you, you can can hardly expect them to move their room around for it.

I had a noise problem with a neighbour in my last house. Music at 2 am on a school night. Driving his motorbike through our inter house pathway at after midnite on his coming home from work. But they moved out after a while, next two sets of neighbours were more considerate.
I might move my bed away from the party wall, and watch TV elsewhere?

I'm so sorry you're having to tolerate this @sapphicy I would absolutely sell up as they sounds like utter cunts.

I have to say - and don't anybody bother defending this with 'oh but I like to watch telly in bed and I'm entitled to,' because I'm not interested in anyone saying it's OK, and their 'right' to watch TV in their bedroom... I think you have to be the most inconsiderate selfish wanker to have a TV in your bedroom when your bedroom is joined on to the neighbour's house.

Moreover, NO-ONE needs a fucking TV in their bedroom? Are you 12? Go to fucking sleep!

I have a tv in my bedroom but thete’s no wall to a neighbour.

If it’s maybe one person watching they should get noise cancelling headphones. I remember my mum buying my dad some when he started going deaf.

It's not selfish to have a TV in your bedroom when you are joined onto someone elses house.

It is selfish to mount it on the party wall, turn the volume up and watch it at all hours though.

I have one and it is not mounted on the party wall. But I run the speakers remotely next to the bedside tables. So the noise does not have to be anywhere near as loud to listen as the speakers are right next to the heads of the listeners.

There are solutions to making it quieter and being more considerate of your neighbours even if it is mounted on the party wall and these are not expensive. That is what is so annoying here.

I'd be far too paranoid to sleep in a room with a boiler, it doesn't sound safe at all. If you move it to your loft you'll have loads more options and save so much space.

Alexa bass won’t be enough I don’t think , you’ll need the bass speakers directed at wall .
they sound so selfish, I guess they maybe hard of hearing but hearing aids are a thing as are headphones for watching tv without blaring it out loud at all hours to the neighbours

We had an elderly neighbour blasting his tv out and what worked was his own daughter pointing out how bloody loud it was, so when we got round to complaining she backed us up and he got some wireless headphones.

We’re in a terrace and when I look at semis with an eye to moving I refuse to consider one where the living rooms are joined.

I empathise so much @sapphicy i think depending on the set up of the house people can have no idea just how horrific the noise is. It isn't specifically the volume of the tv and voices. It's the horrible bass type noise that sort of vibrates and is so difficult to block out.

I really know what you mean. I had it in my last place. They got it installed during covid lockdown and it nearly drove me mad. As I was shielding and couldn't go anywhere and felt like it was torture. I spoke to them and they tried to stop using it so much at night but still happened occasionally.

I remember the constant dread it would start again. I've moved now and honestly the peace is something I won't ever take for granted.

I genuinely think some people just think it's normal tv noise but depending on the walls and the way the sound travels it's the most horrific noise.

Sorry if I've missed you saying this but would they come round to hear? Do they realise it's not just normal tv from another room noise?

I’ve explained to them before that it’s so loud we can’t hear our guests speaking to us properly at the dinner table and it keeps us awake all night, they haven’t been in our actual house to listen though no. To be honest after the way they spoke to DP last time she went round, I wouldn’t invite them in now

I too thought it was triggered by the baby’s all night crying. Quite interesting your dp goes to knock until they open and at no time the crying baby convo came up from dp. Even to apologise for it even if you don’t mean it.

it’s no wonder you feel moving is only solution. There’s a lack of communication and empathy from both sides. @sapphicy

Some pp take years to save up for a big purchase.

look, babies cry. The idea I would have an under 3 yo without voluntarily apologising to neighbours for the crying etc etc shows why many neighbours have issues.

You need to sell up.

OR

Report to the council. Make a diary of all the noise and when it occurs, and their reactions and responses when you complain to them.

DO BEWARE THOUGH. As someone said further back - if you DO lodge complaints, it will have to be revealed to potential buyers that you had a neighbour dispute when you are trying to sell the house.

Seriously, just sell. It won't get better.

They were still on good terms with us during the crying all night stage, DP used to bake for them every week! DD is nearly 4 now and their tv only became an issue at some point last year, so I really don’t think it’s anything to do with that. Plus DD bedroom is on the other side of the house away from the party wall

The crying baby was on the other side of the house and it’s also unavoidable, placing a big loud tv on the party wall is very avoidable, they’re not the same thing

Oh God what a nightmare. They probably don't believe how noisy it is.
Have you invited them to come over when the TV is on and listen to it?
If all else fails, I think that building a frame on the party wall and filling it with insulation would work. You could even add some shallow shelves to that and fill them with books. It would be expensive but much much less than moving house.
f the design of the room allowed, you could also turn the bed around so that your heads are against an internal wall.

this

play them at their own game! see how they like it

then sound proof your walls - cheaper than moving

I still think it has already broken down too far to be worrying about not wanting to go to the council in case you have to declare it. You've already got a neighbour dispute so if you do sell and anyone asks if there are any problems with the neighbours you can't really say there aren't now anyway. I really think you need to deal with this through the council and one thing I do think you need to do is stop knocking on their door and writing letters. They could turn the tables and say you are harassing them. Just tell the council you have tried multiple times but they are being unreasonable. You're going to have to report it anyway sooner or later.

Sadly I find this is the sort of method that works. When you inconvenience them the way they inconvenience you, it tends to force them to change their behaviour.

i had similar problems with my neighbours, I blasted Beijing opera through my ceiling all night- worked a treat.