To take away dd(13)s en-suite?

[thatsfunnybecause]

Dd(13) has bedroom with an ensuite, 3 year old is at the moment in a tiny room that basically just fits a bed and wardrobe.

We want to combine dd’s en-suite and DH’s office to make decent size bedroom for 3 year old.

Up until dd(13) was 11 and we moved to a bigger house she always had to share with either younger brother or older step sister.

She thinks as she had to share until she was 11, that younger siblings should share until then or be lucky and get tiny room of their own. And that by the time toddler is that age she will move out and she can have her room.

Is it unreasonable to take away her en-suite?

Ooh...looks like OP's 13 year old has joined the chat!

An ensuite is a privilege, not a necessity. I once had one, and sometimes I didn't. When I moved out, I didn't always have one in the houses we have lived in. Plenty of children do not have, or need one. She will have to suck it up in the main bathroom, just like the rest of us peasants.

I would let her keep it. DSD will be going to uni in 3 years, youngest will be 6 then and actually need the extra space which they don't now. Then you can shuffle them around without losing an en-suite.

A 13 year old kid with an en suite is ridiculous. She is already privileged living in a house with 6(?) toilets!!!! Most people have one bathroom/toilet between 4 or more people .

A compromise might be to have a sink/ vanity unit in her room. Although you’ve got a lot of bathrooms, you’ve also got a lot of people getting ready for school/work at the same time.

So move her into one of the other rooms with a bathroom! Reading between the lines it sounds like she is not coping with step siblings or the whole blended family situation, and in doing this she may become even more isolated!

Are you able to shrink her ensuite? I'd want even sized rooms for the kids.

What she had when she was younger, reflected your circumstances then. You moved to provide better accommodation for your growing family…NOT to give her an en suite…that was a bonus and she can manage without it perf3ctlywell.

YOU are the adult. It is YOUR house bought with your money. She not paying living expenses. When she has the money to buy her own house, she can have as many en-suites as she wants for her own kids. Do not give in to demands of a self centred teen (they all are, no disrespect to dd). Just say no. It’s a complete sentence. Stop even discussing it with her. You just say when she was younger there wasn’t an option but for children to share. Now there is. And bedrooms take precedent over en-suite. Always.

BUT, you can soften blow by agreeing to redecorate her room. Make a nice dressing table area. Wardrobes and study area. Let her choose decor colour and bedding, curtains etc within a budget (give her budget to find what she wants and then you buy) .

do not let your daughter turn into a entitled selfish brat. I’m surprised you even allowed a discussion where she could suggest alternatives to you frankly.

Personally I would not take the en suite away. If there is a playroom downstairs it makes sense to keep the en suite and don’t worry about the 3 year olds small room for now. At some point the 15 year old will move out and maybe one of the brothers can go up there then the toddler goes in his room. They are lucky to all have a room of their own with 5 children.

This is batshit. You don't inconvenience an entire household to pander to a teenage girl's desire to have her own bathroom. Perhaps when she's paying the mortgage she'll have more of a say in the modelling of the house.

I genuinely don't know anybody who would allow their child to have any input into such things.

All the houses on my estate have a single downstairs bathroom. It's normal! 1960s semis in a nice area - not remotely slum like.

Not all the houses have 7 in them but I bet some do.

Why not give your dd your step daughters bedroom, presuming she is not there 100% of the time.

i absolutely agree with you. There seems to have been no thought here about this child. She’s obviously had a lot to cope with, parents splitting up, introduction of a new man, then living with a step sibling and a new baby that’s only a half sibling. Just when she’s settled DM wants to take something away from her to give her shiny new baby more room. Those people saying she should just do what she want’s have not given any thought to what DD has been through at only 13! Stop being selfish and putting everyone before her, think about her feelings.

I read ops post as all 4 younger kids are hers and dh

13 g

9 b

5 b

3 g

and Then 15yr step daughter which is dh

so no child has to deal with splitting up parents apart from 15 step daughter who is half sister to 4 younger siblings @Lyraloo

I think a 13 yo female needs an ensuite more than a 3 yo, who IMO has no idea what an ensuite is.

Is it your new DH pushing for this, ....I'm guessing the 13yo is not his child?

I wouldn't take it away.

You'll be sowing the seed of discontent and rebellion at a very sensitive age. Don't be nasty to your DD in order to please someone else, not worth it.

Let her keep it. She'll be in her room a lot more than the 3 year old. Teens need their privacy. The youngest already has a playroom downstairs.

I thought I had made this clear.
Her parents have never split up and she’s never been introduced to a new man. She’s mine and DHs daughter. Younger brothers and 3 year old sister are her full siblings.

I am the parent of a 13 year old girl and I think that is a load of crap. We have one bathroom shared between me, my daughter and her 18 year old brother. There's also a tiny under-the- stairs toilet and sink. It has never caused any problems. My daughter is another person in the house, not another species and we all rub along together just fine. The lack of perspective on this thread is mind blowing. Children my daughters age are already working in sweat shops and fields and God only knows where else and some people feel its some kind of gross violation for the OP's daughter to be expected to share one of the FIVE other bathrooms in the house.

Incredible how people just make things up.

First OP was accused of treating this child badly because she is a step daughter
Then the made up family split
Then that the child is traumatised by the blended family
Then that she is the least favoured one, when actually the favoured one in terms of provision in the house.

OP just get your sledgehammer out!

I'm curious how many people (ages and sex) live in house? How many bedrooms and how many with bathrooms?

Is swapping 3yr old and DHs office enough? This may be one of those where a diagram could help for an idea.

But I think its unfair to have had her share til now, given her a room and en suite and then take it away. If you moved 2 yrs ago you knew the baby would grow, so if this was always the plan and DD13 knew from the get go maybe that's different.

But ultimately you're the parent and home owner so it is your call

I dont see the issue.

It is levelling the playing field, everyone has the same. The only ensuite is in the room of the parents who are paying for the house, that has to come with some advantages surely?!

Of course she doesnt want to lose it, but that doesnt mean she shouldnt if it is better for all concerned. Its unfair that she has an ensuite when her DSD and brothers dont for a start. Its also unfair to expect her sister stay in a tiny room when there is no need.

If you take the en-suite, is there space in her current room to at least install a sink? It might not be too difficult to extend the water supply and waste pipes depending of course on what you need to do to decommission the en suite.

Oh for goodness sakes this is ridiculous!!! Your 13 year old doesn’t need an en-suite. Your 3 year old deserves a decent space. No way should the 13 year old get to dictate this!? Why should the youngest have a box at the expense of a spoilt brat? No I’m sorry you need to get a handle on her attitude and give her the option “box room for 13 year old if she thinks it’s so liveable or her own big bedroom and removal of en suite”. Considering anything else is just ridiculous

I think the issue is you keep referring to your step daughter as DD’s step sibling when in reality they are half sisters,

That seems to have caused confusion and make it seem as though your DD has a different father to her younger siblings.

I don’t just want people to agree with me. The perspectives of people who think I’m being unreasonable are actually more helpful.

However I think we still do think that combining the office and dds en-suite is best for the whole family. It still feels more fair to have more even sized rooms for the kids and for none of them to have an ensuite. As the children get older I want them to always have a bedroom and I don’t want one to be stuck with the tiny box room unnecessarily. We have more that enough bathrooms, there’s never been a situation when they are all being used.

I do understand this means dd sacrificing though and that she will be upset and agree that we need to ‘soften the blow’ for her and make it so the renovations benefit her also.

Suggestions to do this
-Bedroom makeover. Specifically upgrading getting ready area (dressing table and wardrobe) + whatever else she wants (within reason)
-Refurbishment to both family bathrooms, happening anyway but one can becomes a boys bathroom and one is a girls bathroom (nice bath and large vanity space)
-playroom downstairs upgraded into entertainment room/teen hangout room (toys moved to living room) we don’t want a downstairs bedroom if it’s not necessary.
-left over box room given to girls, potentially extra wardrobe space.