To think this daily essential should come out of joint money?

[Tropicalturnip]

Very trivial really but I need a vent as I surely don't think I WU!

Stocked up on deodorant the other day as the one I usually get is on offer. Also bought a fairly basic £7 face moisturiser because mine ran out ages ago and I've just been using the kids body lotion.

Anyway, DH checked the receipt today as it seemed an expensive shop and was peeved I'd spent on "a few personal items!" (For context it came to £19 and the shop was just short of £60).

We have separate accounts and a joint account for bills, kids, shopping and joint expenses. Our own spend comes from our own account, but we both tend to spend on the kids or the odd thing jointly from our own accounts from time to time too.

I have always included basic essentials including all toiletries on the big shop, never been an issue.

DH buys his deodorant from an independent shop online that is quite expensive but pays out of his personal account. Also money is a historical point of contention because he contributes more due to being the higher earner, so I think this has riled me up way more than it should!!

IABU pay for your own deo and moisturiser
IANBU it's a basic essential and should be included in the normal supermarket shopping

You can just go back and choose the other option

If his pettiness has reduced the OP to using her kids’ body lotion as moisturiser because he moans about her spending £7 to replenish her own, at the same time as treating himself to a more expensive version, then it’s time to rethink the finances. It’s all joint money - that’s what marriage is. And l would imagine the £19 was because OP had stocked up on the basis of the offer.

That’s because money isn’t an issue for you.

Most of us have to budget and we can’t just chuck in some mascara and facial serum without worrying about the cost.

Most people don’t live like you and I’m shocked that you don’t seem to understand that.

As PPs have said, most people check receipts if it seems higher than normal because they can’t afford to have been charged extra for something that they hadn’t purchased.

A lot of people are woefully missing the point here and their answers are not relevant to OPs situation.

If your finances are that tight then you should really agree what comes out of the groceries budget and what comes out of your own account.

What exactly did you spend £19 on? £7 face moisturiser, deodorant and what else?

Bear in mind that this is a womens forum so generally the responses you get are going to be biased in your favour.

OP hasnt mentioned being that skint though. You are projecting.
If people are on a budget, they should discuss it and set a joint limit.
We just booked a holiday that would be cheap for some, unaffordable for others. We discussed our budget in advance.

Of course.

Doesn’t everybody do this?

Deodorant and a £7 pot of moisturiser are luxuries, and you’re privileged to be able to afford them ? Jesus wept !!!

He's quibbling over £7. Seven bloody quid. This isn't right, @Tropicalturnip . You're trying to work out if chucking cheap moisturiser in the trolley with the family shop is reasonable.

Here's your answer: yes, it's perfectly reasonable. It's not like you're funding a coke habit from the family pot.

Surely toiletries like deodorant & moisturiser is an essential so should come out of joint account.
We have always used joint money for things like this not our own seperate money.

If things like basic toiletries are to be in personal spends then shouldn’t personal spending money be equal and the rest goes in the joint pot. Personally I think basic toiletries would just be normal spending. Moisturisers in the £50 bracket would be more personal spend. If I had spent £60 on supermarket shop DH would be wondering what I hadn’t bought not what I had!

Definitely. I also mark the level on the shared shower gel each time I use it. That way DH can't use any more than he needs just because he's taller!

No. He's quibbling over a THIRD of their shopping total.

oh ya think?

They get though so much conditioner for people with often so little hair and they always use the fancy stuff rather than their 3 in 1 bum hair and face wash 😤

OP said she stocked up on the deodorant she normally uses because it was on offer, so l assumed £12 on that and then £7 on the moisturiser. Not unreasonable if it’s saving money.

Yes! And her mother points to the husband’s ice cream that she never eats but comes out of the joint account.

I do the same as @Agix except we don’t have a joint account. Some household bill DDs come out of my account; some from his. We sit down every now and then and check it’s vaguely the same amounts when added up.

I do the online weekly food shop and get both our deodorants in that. Two sorts of shampoo also in there. Tampons when I used them pre-meno.

I do buy my moisturiser and other skin stuff elsewhere so pay for it from my account. It’s not £7 but it’s also not spendy Crème de la Mer levels! But when it was on offer at Tesco I chucked a couple in the online basket. He neither knows nor cares.

Yeah I do too. Not because it would cause an issue, just because it's not from a supermarket. My partner gets his from Amazon as it's usually the best deal. I'm vegetarian and he's carnivore but his meat still comes on the weekly shop.

Well your deodorant & moisturiser aren’t joint expenses and he pays for his out of his own money so he has a fair point. Makes me very relieved we have joint everything.

So what?

He's still being an arse over cheap moisturiser.

This is bloody madness, and you’re all missing the obvious solution: Throw away receipts.

@sparkellie- did you miss that this was a top up shop?

I can see both sides of this.

Your shop was £60 and £19 was your personal items. So your shop was approximately 50% higher than normal. If he pays for his own personal items then I agree you should pay for yours. Anything used by the ‘family’ should come out of the joint account.

I think the DH is BU because a £7 moisturiser is hardly an expensive £50-100+ job from a department store or specialist chemist.
Also, this has happened once - if the OP was regularly spending a third of the cost of the supermarket shop on items only she uses on the budget was tight, the DH might have more of a point but that does not seem to be the case.
I also agree that the split of input into the joint pot should be different

Do many people have personal accounts as well as joint accounts? We've been married for over 40yrs and have various accounts but they're all joint. There have been hard times when we were younger but we were a team and all financial affairs were our joint responsibility. I have always been the main breadwinner. DH has at times been unemployed but we've managed. Only big purchases were discussed. We are bot fairly frugal so I suppose that helps.

I don't understand why women put up with men minutely going over who pays what.

I would make a list of all the things you do, all the things he does and then I would monetarist the difference and charge him for it as it is probably you doing the hard yards.

This is not a marriage. It is student flat mates working out the bills, with the male flatmate getting free sex.