Council housing priority - council advising to wait until Ballifs turn up

[Blueotter22]

Hi All,

Im posting here for traffic really to see if anyone else has experienced this or has been able to challenge it. I’m at a loss on how I can support my Mum with this.

My mum has advanced Alzheimer’s (early onset) and is cared for 24/7 by my SIL & Brother. My angel SIL quit her job (as a care home worker) to care for my Mam full time, she does everything for her (personal care, feeding, medication, appointments etc). My SIL & Brother have rented a house from SIL’s brother for a number of years, rent is reasonable and they’ve managed just about but now her brother is moving back home from overseas and would like his house back. SIL has her heart set on a council house because of their low income they will struggle with the private rent but also the area they live is typically flats to rent which wouldn’t be suitable for Mums mobility needs. They would also like the security that having a council house brings as they have a pet and want the stability of not having to move again.
Which is understandable, as they have no savings, wouldn’t really ever be in a position to buy and brother works a low paid job which is a struggle to provide for 3 adults.

Mum has been rejected for benefits due to a super complicated and I think unfair situation, she was basically living in America with her husband when she became unwell and was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. We (& she) wanted her to come back to the UK but husband insisted they were staying in America as he worked there, he wasn’t aware of how Alzheimer’s disease progresses and sadly she deteriorated quite quickly during Covid and he couldn’t travel to bring her home. He admitted he could no longer care for her and brought her back to the UK and basically promised he would sell up in America and come back to help care for her, but yeah..he didn’t. He’s stayed there and now my Mum hasn’t been able to access any financial support because technically she’s been out of the country. The rules are the rules so it’s just something we’ve had to accept. My SIL therefore hasn’t even had any carers allowance or support.

So the issue is, the council are refusing to acknowledge that my Mum exists basically because she doesn’t have benefits. Despite turning up to the house unannounced and witnessing how unwell she is. The housing officer has told my SIL that they won’t be considered a priority until she is taken to court and ballifs attend the property.

SIL brother has served them a section 21 and said they have until X date to leave, but obviously he doesn’t want to take them to court or get the ballifs. It will cost so much! I just think it’s absolutely crazy that this is the actual advice given? Pay court fees, pay ballifs just to prove you need housing?
Also, they said they’ll likely find them temporary accommodation first before they are able to bid. I just don’t see how this is reasonable for a woman who is highly distressed a lot of the time anyway, can’t manage stairs, needs constant supervision and I’m just so overwhelmed trying to understand how I can help them.

I can’t believe this is actually a thing? Part of me was thinking my SIL might have got the wrong end of the stick but she is adamant that is the advice from the housing officer?! 😳

I am going to write to their MP and I’ve googled so much about this but has anyone experienced a similar situation and is there some kind of legislation or something I can use to write to the council?

It is fucking shit, I'm sorry.

You can't do the hands on care for DM, you've got a child to support and you have to work to do that. That option isn't on the table, because you have to put your child first. It doesn't stop the guilt but it's the reality that it's out of your hands.

You lying awake at night worrying about what your feckless DB and SIL will do isn't changing anything, only hurting you. If they really intend to play chicken with housing you can't stop them. If they are really going to turn up at the housing office with her confused and disregulated, you can't stop them. All you can do is what you have done, pointed out the reality to them, you can't actually make them come out of dreamland and live in reality until reality smacks them in the face.

@CaptainFuture this was all discussed in a family group chat. They didn’t go on holiday, even though we offered the respite. They wanted 2 weeks but couldn’t afford it. Husband ended up paying for them to go on a weekend break away instead and I provided respite for this. They can’t afford a holiday (welcome to the club), despite brother spaffing 40k inheritance he received from our dead Dad up the wall with nothing to show for it . We all encouraged him to learn to drive, buy a car, put it towards a deposit for a house. No idea what it went on…other than a trip to Turkey for SIL for weight loss surgery.

Thank you for all your comments and validation. Your post there made me tear up because my Mam would always use the word feckless and I’ve not heard it in a while. You’re completely right and your posts have made me feel less like the “burden” is my sole responsibility so thank you x

If she has no mental capacity, she can’t file for divorce. 🙄

(Her husband) knows if she goes to a care home he would have to pay her fees

Might that not be the obvious solution anyway, since she's already very ill and sadly isn't going to get better?

Even a superb carer can only do so much and there's a time for the professionals to take over, and at least that way SIL's brother gets his house back

Admittedly it means DB/SIL won't get their council house and the husband will have to give up some of his assets, but the council house wasn't going to happen anyway and since a chunk of the husband's assets were your mum's it seems only fair for them to be used for her care

My friend has been issued a section 21 from her landlord. Her housing officer said she can bid on houses, and she is . It might be worth your SIL booking another apartment with the housing officer.

I think the situation is suiting your SIL quite well - i feel shes basically having you all on about what she’s getting as a total package because she wants you to feel sorry for her- but actually it suits the fact she thought it would be a shoe in situation for a council house- some people may not be ‘clever’ on paper but are very up to date on what you can claim and how to be top of the pile to achieve this - I rather suspect she’s one- however that’s not to downplay the fact it’s a tough job she’s doing. I understand totally ‘why’ she would want a council house- but I wouldn’t bank on it- I also think if she’s got that money coming in then she should spend a little on seeking a lawyer and forcing her Hs hand on selling the house’or’ buying her out if he’s that well off - as I think buying in some care when needed will be key even if your SIL can manage at the moment. However I do suggest if that happens that money is put into a separate account that both you and your brother can access and monitor or suspect they will use it partly on themselves too

Yup. I’m afraid it’s completely true.

Has someone taken over your account @Crikeyalmighty? Your post reads as if SiL is rolling in it. She’s providing 24/7 care, feeding and housing her Mil for the equivalent of about 20 hours minimum wage a week. She’s a bloody saint.

I think you need to consult a lawyer. Your mum has been settled here for two years now - way beyond what is usually expected to pass Habitual Residence.

Just want to pop on and say don’t be terrified about the care home, my family had to make a very difficult decision to put a relative in a care home at the time the decision almost ruined us, but we could no longer provide the care due to the dementia. It turned out to be the best decision we made and my Nan lived out the last few years of her life having the best time she’d ever had.

Also, it is highly unlikely your SIL would find a landlord willing to rent to them (which if the housing options team are consulted, they would advise SIL trues to do as well as go on the local housing list (doubt they’ll have priority) so no matter what they will have to stay in the house until they are evicted - if they do not and they leave the property without actually eviction, they will be deemed to have made themselves homeless and the council won’t help at all.

They will end up in emergency housing (possibly even a b&b) potentially for years and years.

He got Deputyship via the OPG? Or Deputyship in the USA?

If he has Deputyship here in this country via the OPG you can do two things since it doesn’t appear he’s acting in her best interests.

You can put in a safeguarding with adult social services in your local authority and you can write to the OPG detailing your concerns. [email protected]

Also, your mum (once you’ve sorted the ridiculous non entitlement) will more than likely qualify for CHC - and it will be worth talking to Beacon about this as you needs good advocacy so that the NHS don’t wriggle out of it.

OP, I know you will probably be shocked at what I'm going to say, but it seems that as no one in your family actually listens to what you have to say, and bearing in mind that your DM no longer recognises you, I would be inclined to walk away at this stage.

Sorry if that sounds awful, but you say that you aren't in a position to care for DM yourself, which is fair enough, so basically you have no control over anything that's happening, and yet are the one to get it in the ear when ever SIL isn't happy, which sounds like a lot of the time from what you've said.

None of this is fair on you, and I think you said that your DB is the eldest anyway, (albeit you're the eldest daughter), so let him and his wife get on with it. They will eventually find that they are NOT going to get a lovely new council house, courtesy of caring for your DM, which I think is what your SIL was expecting, and doubtless that will end up being your fault too.

So, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is cut contact. You're grieving for your DM anyway, and all that you're putting yourself through mentally, in order to try and help, isn't appreciated, so just stop now, for the sake of YOUR mental health, and concentrate on giving you and your child the best life you can.

Sending you a BIG hug, as I know how hard it is to lose your Mum.

@BlossomToes Ha, no - I would agree with you if all she was getting was around £1k that the husband is sending but it sounds on OPs further posts that this isn’t the case and she is getting further payments that hadn’t been disclosed- I do agree that it’s damn hard going, I wouldn’t want to do it at all for all the tea in China- but I am a bit suspicious in this case that the OP is possibly getting half a story and the fact they don’t seem to want to involve anyone else- I think the problem is I’m a bit of a cynic and OP has already mentioned they’ve been very poor with money in the past- I knew someone who actually fiddled an elderly relative ( not my relative) out of quite a lot and I think that’s why I’m always bit suspicious when someone/ something seems too good to be true- I really hope this isn’t the case. To be frank it’s in situations like this I do think they should get a council house- but unless they are in an area with a reasonable surplus I can’t see it and whilst SIL is a saint for the caring work - I’m not sure going and demanding 2 weeks in Florida paints her in a great light in other ways

Apologies in advance if I’m reiterating points others have made; MN is having a funny five so I’ve read all OP’s posts but not the whole thread.

Given how unwell (& I’m so sorry about this, dementia is horrendous) your mother is, it’s almost certain that if your brother & SIL continue with their absurd plan an assessment of need would conclude that your mother should be placed in a care home & they might be granted emergency or temporary accommodation. No room for lots of “stuff”; potentially being shunted around the area (less likely to get an out of area placement than down south AFAIK, but never say never); & vanishingly unlikely to be able to keep their dog with them. Quite how any adult can still think they can bowl up to their Council & be handed a shiny new forever home I cannot comprehend; but they are in for a painful dose of reality if they carry on as they are.

I can understand why your SIL doesn’t take your Mam out more: the risk of harm is high even with the 1:1 supervision she’d be providing. However, that doesn’t excuse buying endless shite [she cannot really afford]. Nor does it excuse her making frankly unreasonable (& inherently contradictory) demands about arrangements for respite care.