To have ditched twat DH at the airport and gone on holiday without him?

[AskingForTacos]

I’m 32 and have never had a holiday abroad. It’s a combination of things really, growing up I had 2 disabled siblings and it wasn’t practical or financially possible to travel. Had a couple of caravan holidays in the rain but hated them as it unsettled my siblings and everybody was stressed.

Became a single mum at 21 (DD now 11), so once again couldn’t afford holidays. Met DH 4 years ago and we have a 2 year old DS. DH has been well-travelled over the years, but hasn’t had a holiday since meeting me as we’ve been saving up for general life expenses. The end of last year I have a bereavement and became quite sentimental, emotional about my children and general life experiences and sort of had a “grab life by the reins” moment and told DH I wanted to have a sunny family holiday together, and he agreed. We’re both a bit tight and I also don’t cope with overly hot weather (anything above 25 degrees is too much) so have chosen to go in March and set off early this morning. And before anybody asks yes I’m going to pay the fine from DD school.

Flight was with Ryanair. I had a checked bag for mine and the toddler’s stuff, DD had a 10kg carry on. Mine and DD’s bags were full but within guidelines. DH travels light so decided to just take a personal bag and filled it to the brim. He even ordered some sort of zip extension thing from Amazon to make it close more than it naturally should. I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Me, DD and the baby sail through the gate and he gets stopped. I asked, in fact, begged him to just pay the extra charge so we could be on our way, we could afford it. It could’ve just been chalked up a lesson learnt, but no, he had to be a dick about it. He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”. At this point, he was told he would not be travelling (rightly so). He changed his tune then and tried to pay the fine but they weren’t having it. It was like an episode of Airline circa 1999. He then started an irritating speech about how it’s disgraceful etc etc and tried to get us all escorted out with him. I initially was going to go with him because I was stressed but DD was absolutely devastated as she’s been looking forward to the holiday for months. She started crying and I decided me and the kids would still go.

We arrived a few hours ago and are settled in our hotel but I’m on edge. I’ve spoken to him on the phone and he thinks I was a cow for leaving him. He’s coming out tomorrow on a different flight (from a different airport...) and I’m dreading it. On the phone he said we should’ve all gone out tomorrow together. It’s only a 7 night holiday and who knows when the next one will be so for me every second counts especially as we wanted a combination of excursions and chilling days in the resort. If we flew out tomorrow we'd only get 2 resort days not to mention paying for all new flights. He’s not physically abusive or anything like that, I’m not scared, I just can’t be arsed listening to the moaning. Was I wrong to go without him?

I used to fly every week for work on Easy Jet and saw this behaviour often. It's absolutely disgraceful, trying to play the system, losing, then becoming abusive because you've lost. It was always men, I never saw a woman doing it.

You were right to go alone, especially with kids in tow as that must be stressful and you would just have had to repeat the whole airport bollocks tomorrow.

If he's usually abusive like this then you need to rethink the relationship. If he's not then you cpukd put it down to airports being stressful places and some people go into 'fight' mode.

You had a checked bag.

Had you backed him up and got chucked off the plane would have been delayed while they removed your bag. They won’t fly with a bag belonging to an absent passenger.

And the airline might have charged you for that delay.

Jesus. You should have taken his passport with you. Sorry that you'll have to endure him for some of your precious week! I hope you can still enjoy as much of it as possible.

What sort of idiot would prefer to pay out for an additional three flights just so his pride isn’t injured? Is he normally that stupid?

If he’s arsey on arrival, tell him to behave and act like a bloody grown up, rather than making the children upset.

I would actually make sure that I was out for the day doing something fun when he arrives. He doesn’t deserve a heroes welcome.

Nasty little man.

I'd tell him it might be best if he didn't join you all if he's going to continue to be an arsehole. He got removed from the flight for his behaviour, and rightfully so. He had not right to expect you to join him in 'solidarity' for his choice to behave badly and abusively towards staff. If he is now going to continue to turn his abuse on you, then he is not welcome to join you and you are going to have a think about the future of your marriage.

Oh I love that 100% voted in your favour OP. You absolutely did the right thing. Do not apologise to him or be in any way ‘submissive’. You put your foot down over his childish behaviour and you need to stick to it. He is a twat. If he wants to argue about it tell him to grow up and then say you're done talking about it. Show him you're no pushover so he knows he’s not going to get any future passes for behaving like a toddler.

I’d message him and say you don’t want to hear a thing about the incident whilst you’re away.

Your poor 11 year old! Are you sure you want to continue to expose her to this man?!

Well isn't he a complete knobhead! What good would staying behind have done? Four new flights to pay instead of one. You made an excellent decision OP. Guess it's too much to hope that he actually learns from this mistake.

You did absolutely the right thing. Enjoy the peace tonight. Is he often belligerent like that? It must be very stressful worrying about when he might kick off next.

He’s a pig. Disgraceful behaviour and in front of your poor children too. Your poor DD will still be feeling unsettled and distressed, has he even thought to apologise to her yet?

Tell him in no uncertain terms that he is NOT to fly out tomorrow if he is going to carry on being a dick and spoiling the holiday more than he already has. You and the DC will have a lovely time on your own.

You’re married to an arsehole, is this what you want from life?

He wanted you to back him up- how?! He was in the wrong! He was just an idiot but then being rude to the girl just shows he’s a prick. Thinks he’s a big man throwing his weight around, talking down to some poor girl. Knob. Does he drives like a selfish knob/ talk down to people in general? Either way he’s shown you his true colours here.

You absolutely did the right thing. I can't abide that behaviour

Who the fuck has voted that you're unreasonable? They need to have a word with themselves.

Completely agree.
So he was happy to bully a young employee, blaming her for his own stupidity.

that tells you what sort of man he is.

YUBU for taking your daughter out of school in terms time. Selfish.

I was going to write the exact same thing. Send him a message today telling him that if he’s not able to acknowledge how inappropriate his behaviour was and how upsetting it was for you and the children, if he’s not willing to apologise and make every effort to make up for this horrible start to the holiday, he can damn well stay at home.

You rightly stood your ground at the airport, unfortunately it’s time to do it again.

Then it’s probably time to reflect on the man you’re with and if he’s the person you thought he was…

He is an abuser, do you realise that? Have a look online at the Freedom Programme and other resources, you’ll recognise him. He has spoilt your first holiday as a family already, and is continuing to do so without even being there.

Well done on going without him. You can’t appease an abuser, and you may not have gone at all otherwise ( who knows if he’d have wanted you all to go tomorrow). It’s a great example for your daughter too!

Enjoy the rest of your holiday, don’t waste any head time on him if and when he arrives. He will try to reassert himself/control but just ignore it till you are home.

You are a Star standing up to him, and for your DD and DS.

If only he was like the guy from the other thread who doesn't like to carry his own keys but passport instead 🤔 now that would be hilarious.

Even if he was justified (which I don't think he was) it's never worth it with Ryanair. As the late, great Terry Pratchett said, 'Never get into an arse-kicking contest with a porcupine.

Try talking to him, OP. See if he's come to his senses and realises how unreasonable he was being. If he does, it's a valuable lesson learned about when to let something go and when to fork out a bit of cash. If he can't see it, I think you have some decisions to make. Good luck!

Well done you!!! You were 100% correct not to have your children pay the price for him being a tight, abusive arsehole.

When he arrives, I would tell him you are not speaking about that situation at ALL. Ignore him each time he does.

I'd have done the same. Yanbu

I try not to be hyperbolic on here but I couldn’t be married to this man.

Abusing staff (and misogynistic to boot) for his own error then suggesting the rest of you pay up in both time and money just to show solidarity for his bad behaviour? Fuck that.

honestly think I’d struggle to reconcile this let alone him then being a continued arse about it all.

He called the girl a jobsworth bitch? And in front of your DCs? You can’t possibly stay with him after this, tell him not to come and leave him when you’re back.

Its a shame hes going at all, I wouldn't want him there. This is definitely the sort of thing my DH would do re packing but he would just pay the fee and acknowledge his error. That is normal, your DHs reaction isnt. Maybe in heat of the moment but he should have apologised to you after.