To have ditched twat DH at the airport and gone on holiday without him?

[AskingForTacos]

I’m 32 and have never had a holiday abroad. It’s a combination of things really, growing up I had 2 disabled siblings and it wasn’t practical or financially possible to travel. Had a couple of caravan holidays in the rain but hated them as it unsettled my siblings and everybody was stressed.

Became a single mum at 21 (DD now 11), so once again couldn’t afford holidays. Met DH 4 years ago and we have a 2 year old DS. DH has been well-travelled over the years, but hasn’t had a holiday since meeting me as we’ve been saving up for general life expenses. The end of last year I have a bereavement and became quite sentimental, emotional about my children and general life experiences and sort of had a “grab life by the reins” moment and told DH I wanted to have a sunny family holiday together, and he agreed. We’re both a bit tight and I also don’t cope with overly hot weather (anything above 25 degrees is too much) so have chosen to go in March and set off early this morning. And before anybody asks yes I’m going to pay the fine from DD school.

Flight was with Ryanair. I had a checked bag for mine and the toddler’s stuff, DD had a 10kg carry on. Mine and DD’s bags were full but within guidelines. DH travels light so decided to just take a personal bag and filled it to the brim. He even ordered some sort of zip extension thing from Amazon to make it close more than it naturally should. I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Me, DD and the baby sail through the gate and he gets stopped. I asked, in fact, begged him to just pay the extra charge so we could be on our way, we could afford it. It could’ve just been chalked up a lesson learnt, but no, he had to be a dick about it. He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”. At this point, he was told he would not be travelling (rightly so). He changed his tune then and tried to pay the fine but they weren’t having it. It was like an episode of Airline circa 1999. He then started an irritating speech about how it’s disgraceful etc etc and tried to get us all escorted out with him. I initially was going to go with him because I was stressed but DD was absolutely devastated as she’s been looking forward to the holiday for months. She started crying and I decided me and the kids would still go.

We arrived a few hours ago and are settled in our hotel but I’m on edge. I’ve spoken to him on the phone and he thinks I was a cow for leaving him. He’s coming out tomorrow on a different flight (from a different airport...) and I’m dreading it. On the phone he said we should’ve all gone out tomorrow together. It’s only a 7 night holiday and who knows when the next one will be so for me every second counts especially as we wanted a combination of excursions and chilling days in the resort. If we flew out tomorrow we'd only get 2 resort days not to mention paying for all new flights. He’s not physically abusive or anything like that, I’m not scared, I just can’t be arsed listening to the moaning. Was I wrong to go without him?

Never in a million years will you be unreasonable for doing what you did.

he abused staff and felt the consequences.

TELL HIM that abuse of staff is never on and you’ll walk away from him every single time. You are never going to ‘back up’ an abusive twat, and if he wants to you back him up, he needs to behave like a man, behave like a decent human being.

if he doesn’t stop moaning, tell him to find another room/hotel/mug.

be strong, don’t back down on this. He’s a chicken, he’ll cave.

I would use the time to reflect on your marriage op. He sounds insufferable. The fact he wanted you to ‘back him up’ in this scenario is truly shocking. It’s never okay to abuse other people.

You were quite correct and I think you set a great example to your dd that she needn't put up with that kind of nonsense. I hope you enjoy your holiday.

If he does it again I would actually divorce him and tell him so.

What a year. I’d be tempted to call the airline and get him kicked off that flight! This behaviour would be the end of the marriage and I’d tell him not to come at all

Did he think the staff were going to magically think that he was right after all if his wife backed him up? It makes no sense.

oh what a great guy he is, his wife agrees with him. We must all be wrong.

I categorically wouldn't be be with a man who spoke to women like that. Please think carefully about your choices, especially bringing up children with him.

He is never ever going to let this go!!
You will always be the wife who left him and he will never see what a massive dick he has been!!

Go you mum. I would have paid his fine just to sit at the airport and watch you walk through the gates and leave him there. Definitely team
mum on this one. Well played. 😂

I'd just like to ask OP, would he allow you to act this way? Would he forgive you for having to spend extra on flights or even for missing the flight? You're worrying about how he'll be, it should be the other way around after the way he has behaved.

So basically he wanted you to join him swearing at staff ? It would be a good example for kids for sure

Could you tell him something like : Mark , you are grown up and should have known better it’s not your first flight. It took us a lot for you to go through a different airport . Just imagine how expensive it would be for all of us!
And then leave it there for a holiday duration.

You were right to go through without him.

Bloody well done @AskingForTacos

Your DH well and truly FAFO didn't he.

PP are right, if you can bear to have the conversation, tell him you don't want to hear a word about what happened at the airport when he joins you and he needs to paste a smile on and be happy to be there. And if he can't do that it's best he doesn't come.

Hope you have a smashing holiday OP.

YANBU at all. Not one iota OP. Have a lovely first night on your well deserved holiday.

As for your DH, well he’s lucky to have not got himself blacklisted for being abusive to the staff. Given what you’ve said about his mood, I wouldn’t bet on him getting on the replacement flight without hassle either. Prize dickhead that he is.

You wouldn't want your daughter to have a husband who would act like this, would you? You've shown her to stand up for herself and not be dragged down by men who behave badly. You did the right thing. Your DH is 100 wrong (and what an awful way to treat a young airline employee. I'd be thoroughly disgusted with him).

Good for you OP. It made no sense financially for you to miss your flight too, not to mention poor DD who has never had a holiday.

Hopefully he will have had time to stew over this and arrive feeling a bit sheepish tomorrow. If he doesn't bring it up you probably shouldn't either while on holiday as it's bound to start a row and ruin everything. At some point in the future you need to sit down and have a very serious chat with him about his behaviour. He embarrassed you and DD, so if he claims you embarrassed him he has no leg to stand on. I would find it very hard to be in a relationship with someone who treats staff so poorly, I hope this was a one off that he is deeply ashamed of. I feel if he was like this all the time you would have seen it before.

Well you mentioned he was well travelled compared to you. You managed to pack everything ok. What was his excuse? He's a twat.

Well done OP!
If he was any decent sort of person he'd have been insisting you all go on ahead so you don't miss out.
He knew he was in the wrong, all his own doing and then he was horrible to staff about it. Yuk.

I would tell him to stay home.

He may not hit (yet!), but his behavior is definitely abusive. I would leave him when you get home. Life is too short to log an abusive man-child around with you. You and your children deserve better.

You did absolutely the right thing op and if he had any decency about him at all, your dh should be the one dreading meeting up, not you! He should be thoroughly ashamed of himself. He should have been thinking of the example he was setting.

Above all, please, please, don’t let him ruin your holiday 🌷. Keep strong op!

He’s not physically abusive or anything like that

No, he's just a verbally abusive dickhead who likes to take out his anger on people who are just doing their jobs. Really classy!

Raise your standards OP. He sounds horrible.

I’d seriously tell him not to bother coming out. He sounds vile. Who would want to holiday with someone like that.

You can only back someone up if they're in the right. He was wrong and being a massive twat. Would he back you up in the same situation?(not that you would do that). I highly doubt it.
I'm so glad you went without him. I hope he's learnt his lesson. Don't take any shit from him when he does arrive. It was ALL his own fault for acting like a spoilt brat and being rude. It wasn't you being aggressive and abusive to a young girl. He did that all by himself.

I rarely find myself defending Ryanair, but good for them. He deserved to be kicked off the flight

Significant that his "go to" response is to criticise you, rather than feel ashamed and mortified that he spoiled everyone's holiday

I cannot stress this enough: your husband is a pathetic little prick.

Well done!! You did the absolute right thing!!
So now instead of paying excess baggage he has to pay for a new flight, with the proper baggage allowance - lesson learned hopefully!

Not to stress you out OP but double check he can get the original return flight home withyouguys. Ryanair used to have a policy that if you missed your outward flight, then your return flight was automatically cancelled.