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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have ditched twat DH at the airport and gone on holiday without him?

1000 replies

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 16:07

I’m 32 and have never had a holiday abroad. It’s a combination of things really, growing up I had 2 disabled siblings and it wasn’t practical or financially possible to travel. Had a couple of caravan holidays in the rain but hated them as it unsettled my siblings and everybody was stressed.

Became a single mum at 21 (DD now 11), so once again couldn’t afford holidays. Met DH 4 years ago and we have a 2 year old DS. DH has been well-travelled over the years, but hasn’t had a holiday since meeting me as we’ve been saving up for general life expenses. The end of last year I have a bereavement and became quite sentimental, emotional about my children and general life experiences and sort of had a “grab life by the reins” moment and told DH I wanted to have a sunny family holiday together, and he agreed. We’re both a bit tight and I also don’t cope with overly hot weather (anything above 25 degrees is too much) so have chosen to go in March and set off early this morning. And before anybody asks yes I’m going to pay the fine from DD school.

Flight was with Ryanair. I had a checked bag for mine and the toddler’s stuff, DD had a 10kg carry on. Mine and DD’s bags were full but within guidelines. DH travels light so decided to just take a personal bag and filled it to the brim. He even ordered some sort of zip extension thing from Amazon to make it close more than it naturally should. I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Me, DD and the baby sail through the gate and he gets stopped. I asked, in fact, begged him to just pay the extra charge so we could be on our way, we could afford it. It could’ve just been chalked up a lesson learnt, but no, he had to be a dick about it. He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”. At this point, he was told he would not be travelling (rightly so). He changed his tune then and tried to pay the fine but they weren’t having it. It was like an episode of Airline circa 1999. He then started an irritating speech about how it’s disgraceful etc etc and tried to get us all escorted out with him. I initially was going to go with him because I was stressed but DD was absolutely devastated as she’s been looking forward to the holiday for months. She started crying and I decided me and the kids would still go.

We arrived a few hours ago and are settled in our hotel but I’m on edge. I’ve spoken to him on the phone and he thinks I was a cow for leaving him. He’s coming out tomorrow on a different flight (from a different airport...) and I’m dreading it. On the phone he said we should’ve all gone out tomorrow together. It’s only a 7 night holiday and who knows when the next one will be so for me every second counts especially as we wanted a combination of excursions and chilling days in the resort. If we flew out tomorrow we'd only get 2 resort days not to mention paying for all new flights. He’s not physically abusive or anything like that, I’m not scared, I just can’t be arsed listening to the moaning. Was I wrong to go without him?

OP posts:
ThePoliteLion · 14/03/2025 16:17

You did the right thing in leaving him at the airport. I’d be expecting a very full apology when (if) he arrives tomorrow. Enjoy your precious holiday as much as you can. Sounds like you very much deserve a break. Think about your relationship too - does he behave like this on other occasions?

Whatsherusername · 14/03/2025 16:17

Surely the cost of the fine for the bag would have been less than a whole new flight. Did he even bother to weigh it before leaving for the airport? He has no-one to blame for this but himself and like fuck would I be missing a day of a long anticipated and deserved holiday and disappointing my poor children. Let him throw his strop and make this holiday what you and your children deserve! What a manchild

Vaxtable · 14/03/2025 16:18

Good for you

and when he comes out you sit him down, tell him his behaviour was absolutely not acceptable, that he upset the kids, that he was rude, that as an adult he chose to take those actions knowing what the consequences could be, so why should the rest of the family suffer that he apologies now to you and the kids for his behaviour otherwise he can leave and go home

JandamiHash · 14/03/2025 16:18

Tell him to stay at home. What a nasty misogynistic piece of work

Garlicgarlicgarlic · 14/03/2025 16:19

There's no justification for abusing staff, and trying to sabotage you and your kids holiday. Do you really want to stay married to such a man?
Imagine the peace and happiness without him.

PinkyFlamingo · 14/03/2025 16:19

What's the relationship like normally?

GasPanic · 14/03/2025 16:21

I mean if he is tight he should get the logic of not having to pay for everyones extra flight.

I would probably tell him if he is going to come with an attitude he may as well not bother turning up.

He's trying to turn his stupidity (arguing at the airport) into your problem (leaving him). Don't let him get away with that for 1 second. His stupidity is his stupidity and he needs to actually OWN that and apologise for it. Not try and transfer it only you for leaving him.

NewYearNewDietAgain · 14/03/2025 16:21

I’d have told him to stay at home! Good for you going without him. Just don’t let him spoil the rest of the holiday.

Seriouslynonono · 14/03/2025 16:21

You did the right thing by leaving the idiot at the airport.

He caused a huge scene by being abusive to airport staff, scared the children by being aggressive, and tried ruin your holiday by being an entitled prick and expecting you to stand by him!

You're the one that deserves to be livid with him, not the other way around. He ought to be ashamed and doing everything in his power to put this right. He needs to apologise to the staff, apologise to the children and to you.

You need to lay the law down or else this is your life now, forever.

Do not stand down on this. Your children also need to see how wrong he was.

YouveGotAFastCar · 14/03/2025 16:22

What an absolute prick. Stingy as fuck and then abusive to everyone, and then calls you on holiday to moan more and complain you didn’t back him up?! He should have been calling to apologise profusely and check you were all okay.

He wouldn’t be coming on my holiday. I could not spend my time or expose my children to someone who is abusive enough to get escorted from an airport over chancing his luck with a bag.

Has he booked a new flight home too?

Maitri108 · 14/03/2025 16:23

He sounds quite the catch, calling women bitches in front of his children.

ouipamplemousse · 14/03/2025 16:23

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 16:11

He's annoyed that I didn't back him up and show a united front against the Ryanair staff, it's pathetic.

Why should you back him up when he was being a class A prat?

Screw backing him up.

HE should have put his hand in his pocket and paid the price for being a tight-ass.

Apart from anything else, had he had to pay extra for travelling tomorrow instead of today? Ryanair usually find a way to charge you for everything short of the air you breathe. It probably would have cost for you and the children to have caught a later flight too.

If money is the main language he speaks, use this argument as to why it was sensible for you and the DC to keep your original flight.

He is a prize ass with a sore ego and has nobody to blame but himself here.

WellsAndThistles · 14/03/2025 16:23

Just a tip, the ground crew are not employed by the airline. It wasn't Ryanair who banned him from flying it was the ground crew so don't be surprised if swapping to a different airport doesn't work as well as he thinks it will.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 14/03/2025 16:24

This was a disaster purely of his own making. But he's going to try to make it your fault, isn't he? Because you..what, didn't back him up? When he was OBVIOUSLY in the wrong...

I'd say that your entire marriage hangs on how he behaves when he gets out there. One word from him about how badly he's been treated, or how you should have stayed with him to soothe his boo-boo feelings and he should be toast.

MayaPinion · 14/03/2025 16:25

You hero 🎉🎉🎉 Do not take any shit from him. It’s his fault he didn’t make that flight and his alone. He should not be angry at you; you should be angry at him for risking and trying to ruin your precious holiday. Well done. I hope you have a lovely dinner with your children tonight and get to enjoy a nice walk on the beach.

CarrieOnComplaining · 14/03/2025 16:25

What a self absorbed bully of women! Yes… note his attitude and language to you and the staff. Bitch . Cow. Very sexist. Your Dd shouldn’t be listening to women treated like that. She really shouldn’t.

What possible reason did he think you should have stayed behind?

His bag issue was of his own making, and arguing with staff would have got you chucked off too.

So now he thinks it would have been ok for you and your Dc to have missed a day of holiday, and incurred the cost of new flights for you all, and you should have been cheerful about all that?

I would tell him come, let’s get in and have a lovely holiday… and then once home I would be looking to leave.

Mudkipper · 14/03/2025 16:26

If he turns up and starts being nasty, tell him to fuck off home.

Hwi · 14/03/2025 16:27

Sorry, sod the holiday, you have a bigger problem on you hands - he is an arsehole. What if something serious happens in the future? How will he bear up? Will he be a help or an arsehole? Will he behave like a normal human being? I doubt it.

Clearingaspace · 14/03/2025 16:27

I suspect if you had all left with him he would not have booked a flight the next day and you would all have missed out. But he can’t really be angry with you because it would have cost a lot more to book a new flight for everyone.

ChristmasRoses · 14/03/2025 16:27

Radiatorvalves · 14/03/2025 16:13

He may find that his return flight is cancelled too. What an unpleasant idiot.

And OP will have a few quiet days at home while he works it out. Bonus!

LividBoop · 14/03/2025 16:27

I'm really sorry your well-deserved holiday has been spoiled by this twit.

Bravo on you for still going, especially as you'd never flown before.

Have there been other incidents of him behaving like this, even when stressed? It was part of a bigger picture with my EX-h...

Just to let you know, travelling solo (even with children) is SO much better than travelling with an adult whose emotions need managing like a toddler.

LionME · 14/03/2025 16:27

I know you say that he has never been abusive towards you…
But he certainly was abusive towards the staff and had no qualms about trying to bully a 20yo.

That makes him an abusive twat.

Im not surprised you’re on edge. I suspect he is harder to live with that you’re happy to acknowledge atm.
id plan that he is going to try and ruin every single moment when he arrives. And how you’re going to react/handle him

Fupoffyagrasshole · 14/03/2025 16:27

I’ve done it once

flying home for Christmas pregnant and with my 3 year ! Husband disappeared off duty free shopping .. and didn’t make it to the gate on time and I boarded without him ! He called me and said he wasn’t being allowed on 🤪

MayaPinion · 14/03/2025 16:28

And say, ‘Why on earth would I have backed you up when you were so clearly in the wrong? You should have backed up the rest of your family and just paid the fucking money, and then you wouldn’t have got yourself into this mess’.

tropicalroses · 14/03/2025 16:28

Would have cost you a fortune to have to rebook so many flights at such short notice- if you could've managed to even find that many seats on one flight.

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