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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have exposed my son to potential police investigation

126 replies

workworkbloodywork · 14/03/2025 11:48

Long story shortened

My DS 13 was a witness to an assault. He under instruction from another boy filmed it.

I was contacted by the parent of the child who carried out the assault as she was worried about it ending up on social media. I then through a friend found out who the other mother was of the victim and made contact to provide the video to, suggest if she hadn’t already to take him to A&E to be checked out and told her I would be reporting to the police.

I then gave the video evidence to the police and spoke with the officer who has agreed to have an off the record conversation to expose my DS to what the possible implications of this behaviour could lead to.

it appears the child that carried out the assault will likely be charged with GBH and they are counting my son as a witness and he may have to give statements or go to court to testify.

I obviously am very relieved that my son will not face any consequences to recording the footage.

I was concerned that at the beginning of the recording as he was giving it a bravado to the boys threatening a fight, may implicate him however, felt that this could be a very good early life lesson in putting a phone down and helping the victim and choosing better friends in the first instance was worth the risk.

DS is SEN if that’s relevant.

and I can’t stop think if IHBU.

yanbu - yes you should always come forward

yabu - you should have kept quiet and protected your son from potential police investigation

OP posts:
LeopardPants · 14/03/2025 11:52

You have done the right thing IMO well done

ElbowsUpRising · 14/03/2025 11:52

I was concerned that at the beginning of the recording as he was giving it a bravado to the boys threatening a fight, may implicate him however, felt that this could be a very good early life lesson in putting a phone down and helping the victim and choosing better friends in the first instance was worth the risk.

Well hopefully you've had that conversation and that also he will learn a lesson from the other boy being prosecuted. Ultimately if the victim had died due to a blow to the head both the other boy and potentially your son could be facing manslaughter/murder charges. I would be spelling that out to him if I were you.

CaptainFuture · 14/03/2025 11:52

Of course you should come forward. Re the attackers mother, was she concerned about the victim at all, or just that there was evidence her child is violent and aggressive and it being shown on social media?
I was contacted by the parent of the child who carried out the assault as she was worried about it ending up on social media

Snorlaxo · 14/03/2025 11:55

If you’d expect others to admit fault when they screwed up then you need to admit fault too.

My son was the victim of a violent crime and I am grateful to the member of public who phoned the police. Going to court was difficult and stressful for him but in his case there was weapons involved and could have ended up with someone dead or severely injured.

Wasywasydoodah · 14/03/2025 11:57

I think you did the right thing. It will be hard, but he will also learn how serious this stuff is.

WarmthAndDepth · 14/03/2025 11:57

Thank you for contacting the police and the victim's mother.

Dotjones · 14/03/2025 11:58

Unless I've misunderstood, your son hasn't done anything wrong. It's not illegal to film an assault. What's done with the footage like sharing it or posting it online may be a crime but the act of recording it isn't a problem. It actually can help the police investigate the attack.

Louielooiloveyou · 14/03/2025 12:00

Of course you should come forward. It’s a joint enterprise if you son was recording it as part of the whole plan

Comefromaway · 14/03/2025 12:01

I would always, wherever possible try and film an assault I was witnessing (after phoning 999 but I am an adult) because I know that any evidence would help the police. It is not usually advisable to try and intervene, you could get seriously injured yourself.

KerryBlues · 14/03/2025 12:01

Your son was right there in the thick of it. He should absolutely see the implications of that.

Josiezu · 14/03/2025 12:04

Your son was involved in an attack and egged it on while filming it, for god sake at least stop trying to downplay that.

ElbowsUpRising · 14/03/2025 12:04

Dotjones · 14/03/2025 11:58

Unless I've misunderstood, your son hasn't done anything wrong. It's not illegal to film an assault. What's done with the footage like sharing it or posting it online may be a crime but the act of recording it isn't a problem. It actually can help the police investigate the attack.

Depends on the reason for filming. A bystander filming something then yes not illegal and potentially useful. A friend of the person instigating the fight filming it while egging his mate on and potentially sharing the video to cause further distress could be illegal. Aiding and abetting an assault.

Comefromaway · 14/03/2025 12:06

OP's son has SEN. We don't know the full extent of those needs but I know when my ds was 13 for example he had the social etc abilities & understanding of a much younger child.

RealEagle · 14/03/2025 12:12

Josiezu · 14/03/2025 12:04

Your son was involved in an attack and egged it on while filming it, for god sake at least stop trying to downplay that.

Agree

Josiezu · 14/03/2025 12:17

Comefromaway · 14/03/2025 12:06

OP's son has SEN. We don't know the full extent of those needs but I know when my ds was 13 for example he had the social etc abilities & understanding of a much younger child.

I’m sure that doesn’t make the boy who was attacked feel any better, nor his family.
The other boy is being charged so it was obviously a very serious assault.

If a child is younger than their years where they don’t understand that attacking someone and filming it while giving “bravado” is wrong, and they need a life lesson to point that out then they shouldn’t be given the freedoms of a child their age.

FOJN · 14/03/2025 12:19

If I understand you correctly you only did the right thing because you thought there would be no consequences for your son and now you know more about his initial involvement you are wondering if you should have kept quiet?

I think you are trying to minimise your son's involvement but hopefully the consequences for the person who committed the assault will make him think twice about egging others on to start a fight.

Reugny · 14/03/2025 12:23

You are right to come forward.

You and the other adults/older teens around your son, need to make your son understand that he's not to repeat the behaviour of egging someone on and what he needs to do in similar circumstances so he's not charged.

Lots of people in the criminal justice system aren't that bright.

Fountofwisdom · 14/03/2025 12:27

Of course you did the right thing, think how you would feel is it was your DS who had been the victim?

Also, your DS was not a witness, he was a participant in what happened and he’s actually very lucky he has got off so lightly. He could easily be facing charges for aiding & abetting, and if the victim had been seriously injured or died, your son would definitely be facing charges. You need to clearly explain to him all the implications of ever doing anything like that again.

Todaywasbetter · 14/03/2025 12:28

I hope your son got a scary wake up call. he is very lucky - the fact that he can be heard egging the assault on must be very worrying for you.

Fountofwisdom · 14/03/2025 12:32

Dotjones · 14/03/2025 11:58

Unless I've misunderstood, your son hasn't done anything wrong. It's not illegal to film an assault. What's done with the footage like sharing it or posting it online may be a crime but the act of recording it isn't a problem. It actually can help the police investigate the attack.

You have misunderstood. The OP claims her son filmed the assault under duress from one of those perpetrating the assault. Therefore, he was condoning and encouraging the assault, although she is trying to downplay that.

Completely different to an innocent bystander chancing upon something and filming it with the intention of helping the police.

MinnieCauldwell · 14/03/2025 12:44

If the perpetrator is being charged for GBH that sounds quite serious. You son has got off lightly, honestly, if my son was the victim I would have pushed for your son to have been charged with joint enterprise, SEN or not.

MammaTo · 14/03/2025 12:45

I hope the police put the shits up your son for joining in with such a horrible act. If it was me I’d try and have a quiet word with the police officer who will question him and say scare the living shit out of him.

ElbowsUpRising · 14/03/2025 12:47

Comefromaway · 14/03/2025 12:06

OP's son has SEN. We don't know the full extent of those needs but I know when my ds was 13 for example he had the social etc abilities & understanding of a much younger child.

If his SEN is so bad then he shouldn’t be out on his own for his own protection. The police will see him as over the age of criminal responsibility. People with SEN are charged with crimes every day. Don’t think there will be much leniency because there won’t be.

Oioisavaloy27 · 14/03/2025 12:48

Your son obviously is not that Sen when he can be out independently which means he will know right from wrong and he still chose to film it. Sen should not be used as an excuse to have children or young adults to misbehave as they still can end up in prison Sen or not. Hopefully you will have given your son a very stern talk on the consequences of what might of happened.

DenholmElliot11 · 14/03/2025 12:49

SEN isn't a get out of jail free card!

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