To have exposed my son to potential police investigation

[workworkbloodywork]

Long story shortened

My DS 13 was a witness to an assault. He under instruction from another boy filmed it.

I was contacted by the parent of the child who carried out the assault as she was worried about it ending up on social media. I then through a friend found out who the other mother was of the victim and made contact to provide the video to, suggest if she hadn’t already to take him to A&E to be checked out and told her I would be reporting to the police.

I then gave the video evidence to the police and spoke with the officer who has agreed to have an off the record conversation to expose my DS to what the possible implications of this behaviour could lead to.

it appears the child that carried out the assault will likely be charged with GBH and they are counting my son as a witness and he may have to give statements or go to court to testify.

I obviously am very relieved that my son will not face any consequences to recording the footage.

I was concerned that at the beginning of the recording as he was giving it a bravado to the boys threatening a fight, may implicate him however, felt that this could be a very good early life lesson in putting a phone down and helping the victim and choosing better friends in the first instance was worth the risk.

DS is SEN if that’s relevant.

and I can’t stop think if IHBU.

yanbu - yes you should always come forward

yabu - you should have kept quiet and protected your son from potential police investigation

The SEN may make extra important that this is discussed now rather than after several weeks/months/years when the video could already be online or the recollection of events has become hazier. Action taken/words spoken by OP or the police will be most effective now and hopefully mean that a repeat situation doesn’t happen in future.

Yes of course you should have, your son is fully involved whether you like it or not. He would have likely been interviewed anyway and now at least you have positioned him as a cooperative witness rather than an accomplice which was smart.

This happened to me - not in these circumstances but I never broke the law again!!

I was so ashamed

Obviously.not that severe otherwise he would not be left unattended.

He sounds more like an active participant (camera man is important job) rather than a witness so yeah good on you for turning him in.

Oh just noticed he's got away with it.

Shame

Early life lesson, definitely. Well done. Although don't assume that the police will know how to handle his SEN with any sensitivity.

Maybe try and schedule in some extra time together, doing nice stuff, to make sure you stay connected while he goes through what could potentially be difficult (being witness). Get him feeling that his bond with you is more important than impressing peers such as the one being charged.

Don't go in hard straight away but it would be good to try and unpack it all with him at some point.

My experience is that more able kids with SEN can be very vulnerable to being used by people with ill intent. Even gangs. To get them to do stuff or as easy people to extort cash from. Time to keep him close.

Yeah the seriousness of the filming shouldn't be diminished. I've read of victims committing suicide after their assault has been filmed. It's a horrible aspect of modern culture.

You've done a hard thing, the right course of action. And given him a clear steer of what your values are. How will you guide him through the social repercussions?

Did the victim and his family want to contact the police? You seem to have escalated the situation without stating whether the family wanted this or not, and now you've exposed everyones else's child to the system but want to keep yours out of it?

Your son needs to face the music. It is a foul thing he has done. You did the right thing.

All my sympathy is with the victim and his mother.

Well done. This is the sort of parenting that helps minimise the risk of harm to everyone's children, including your own. Youve done what you can to rectify the damage, and hopefully your son will learn from your actions and now not repeat or escalate this behaviour.

Unfortunately I'm sure a lot of parents would have tried to cover this up, but that wouldn't be in anyone's best interests including your son.

Sounds like he's too emotionally immature to be having a smart phone if he can't make safe choices about his behaviour.

It's good he can have some strong guidance on future behaviour. I'd suggest taking the phone off him.

But surely she’s done all she can do? Shared information. Reached out to victim. Make sure her son understands the seriousness of this. It’s a horrible event but I think op has responded to it in a responsible manner

I got done for Abh at 14,it’s till shows on my record now at the age of 45,I know that’s not what you asked but I thought I would let you know.

As in it shows on a dbs check

It is done now, I could not say hand on heart what I would have done in similar circumstances in regards to the police. I would have informed the other parents, told them if they wanted the police involved I had the video and taken it from there. If the police were involved I would have been cooperative and shared whatever evidence was available.

I would have not framed it as my ds only filmed it "under instruction from another boy". Your ds needs to understand he was an active participant in a serious assault, by spectating, encouraging and recording for social media kicks. That warrants some significant consequences and some very serious discussion on what he should have done instead.

Well done OP for not trying to cover up this crime. For the other boy to be charged with GBH implies that it was a very serious assault indeed and for your DS to be encouraging the assault whilst filming it is absolutely disgusting. Hopefully your DS has the shock of his life and learns from this.

This is what I’m hoping to police will be doing. Both his father and I have done this already.

I’m lead to believe that she told the mother of the victim to report it.

Is this real? I doubt it.

GBH is a very serious offence. There is common assault, assault and battery and actual bodily harm. Causing GBH with intent can be punished by life imprisonment.

If your son stood by and filmed someone inflicting GBH, then you most certainly did not "exposed him to a police investigation".

He exposed himself to one and the police most definitely should investigate.

I’m not downplaying anything, I sent all this to the police, my son did also say to the attacker to stop and that he’d done enough but got told to be quiet by the attacker. My son has had a complicated relationship with the attacker. I belive that he is trying to be friends with him as he has no other friends and is afraid of him. I’m hoping this will teach him that it’s better to try and make better friends or have none than be friends with someone that behaves like that.

You've done the right thing. If more parents took action rather than try and protect children who have done awful things there would be a lot less bullying and assault.

The mother of the victim has been in contact with me since several times thanking my son which hasn’t made me feel comfortable as I’d have wished for my son to have pulled the attacker off of the victim, however I feel he’s also scared of the attacker so was following instruction. He did not post it to social media. This all happened within an hour of school finishing and him being collected. The others live in the town.

I have already done this. The officer after reviewing all the evidence I sent them doesn’t seem to think my DS has done thing wrong other than he shouldn’t of recorded, I think it’s more my own disappointment that he didn’t intervene physically to stop the assault that I’m disappointed with. My DS never said that they should do any to ing to the other just was asking what was happening and other questions.