To ask what is wrong with men?

[ForTealBee]

I just despair, I really do.

I was walking from the train station to my office this morning. I’m overweight, but I’ve lost a lot of weight and I’m not as massive as I was.

But as I’m walking I hear a man yelling at me, and I took my AirPods out. He’s hanging out of a taxi window yelling “look at the state of you!! Walking around like a fucking whale!!!” and making rude gestures at me, his mates are in the taxi laughing as well.

Im sure he was just drunk, but really? I’m 25 and he looked to be at least 40, what’s the need for it?!

He did it to get a reaction.
Immature arse holes, happens daily and we can't really do much about it apart from to ignore.
I was walking with my 2 year old daughter the other day in the rain, had a coat on and it was cold, someone shouted out of a car driving past "saggy tits!" I didn't even look up to acknowledge them or give them the satisfaction, but I heard it.
Another encounter when I was heavily pregnant someone driving by shouted "slag". So it seems you just need to have a vagina and instantly that labels you a slag. Of course not all men think like this.
It's not fair that we are subjected to this and as women are objectified.
classic example being wolf whistled at, sexualised. We get unwanted attention.

It's not just white men. It is men full stop. I have been abused by men of all races, creeds and colours just for being a woman. I am very small and a fairly high proportion seem to enjoy frightening/intimidating me. I had a man leaning over me on the train last night and when I asked him to give me some space he said "think your shit smells like flowers don't you" really close to my face. I looked to 2 men nearby who must have heard but they studiously ignored it and looked at their phones. The man had an ID badge on identifying him as working for Sodexo so I called them this morning and they could not have been less interested in a man verbally abusing a woman whilst wearing their branding. The world accepts men are allowed to abuse women and gender non conforming men and so it continues.

Not all men think like this but most of the people who think like this are men.

There are so many men like this. I hope karma gets him!

I remember being about 19 on a busy street holding a magazine in the middle of the day. Nothing remarkable about me really, not pretty and slightly hippyishly dressed. A guy of about 40 came over and said "you look like a big issue seller" then walked away. An older woman nearby overhear and shouted "that's not very nice!" at him. I mean not the best comeback ever but I really appreciated it. Now if I ever see this happen to someone else I'm going to stand up for the woman concerned.

Don't know why women have the rep for being the bitchy ones.

At my slimmest, when I was in my 20s and a size 10, this insult was always thrown at me by drunk men if I wouldn’t shag them. Fat cow. Fat slag. Fat whore.

To an awful man, the worst think he can think of is turning up to a date and the woman being fat. So awful men throw that as an insult because they think WE will also find it the most awful thing in the world to be called.

Its definitely not you. But very unmummsnetty hugs to you.

You don't stick out as being anything!!!

They stick out as being arseholes.

People can be so awful, i'm really sorry you had to hear that too. To take time out of your day to yell at a stranger is baffling to me.

I'm not sure if she's someone you'd follow, but Shaughna from Love Island posted about something very similar a couple of days ago. She said 2 balding overweight men in their 50s yelled at her about her weight while she was walking through London. She has lost about 5.5 stone I think and is probably a size 8 now at a guess. The audacity of some men will forever astound me.

I love that- he was just a slug OP!

Men love to tell women they don't find them attrractive so they feel powerful. It's pathetic. Somone has done a great video that is doing the rounds on social media where she tracked down all the men who left nasty comments about Selena Gomez putting on weight, showing their comment and then showing their pic, and they were ALL fat, balding and old. No matter how unappealing they are, they still believe women crave their attention, because, well, they are MEN. Like a young, beautiful, fabulously wealthy woman would even care what they think, yet this is how they choose to pull her down. The best response is to laugh at them, but then, they might kill you.

One good think about being an “invisible” over 60s woman…..they don’t even see you, let alone hurl abusive comments. Really, some men are just arseholes manifesting as overgrown kids

A man in a white van leaned out of his window and shouted 'fat' at me, he was on his own, so I'm not sure why he felt the need to do it. I wasn't even that big at the time....and I was on a run. I'd just run 8 miles and I remember thinking, how dare he, I bet he couldn't even run for the bus.

For some reason I seem to get far more abuse running these days than I did when I was younger and just walking around. It’s really weird.

Imagine being that guy OP. Imagine being so thick and having such low life dullards for company that that is what passes for entertainment on a day out. Imagine having so little fun that you need to stick your head out of a taxi to insult someone to pass the time. Imagine being so full of spite that you want to deliberately upset a stranger minding her own business. Imagine if you were that guy with that personality the type of people you'd be able to attract and keep in your life. How low quality your friendship group would be. How difficult it would be to find and keep a good partner. You might prefer to be a little thinner OP, but that's nothing when you think how bad it would be to be him.

You know, it's always women who call this shit out.

Men just avert their eyes and pretend it's not happening. They will justify it to themselves by saying they could have been attacked or something.

But the result is the same, men know they can do this shit in front of other men and be safe.

A friend of mine says that whenever she gets this sort of attention she visualises them on the toilet, pants round their knees, trying to point their tiny penis into the bowl. It really takes the sting out of the situation and makes her chuckle.

Lovely DIL says she gets comments shouted at her every time she goes running.

Some men are just a waste of skin.

I would have told the Sun or Mirror long ago.

Op you’re not the only one. It’s nothing to do with your weight.

I’ve never been overweight and I’ve been verbally abused by men (I’ve lost count how many times). It’s worse for younger women too.

most of them are just really low quality people.

I’ve just had a man mansplain something to me that I know much more about than him. And he was wrong. I’ve had a shit week and gave him very short shrift. Very short.

Sorry that happened to you. I’m not surprised you’re upset, it’s upsetting.

My life experience so far is that a large proportion of men turn aggressive if you are not doing something that they want you to be doing. In this case they wanted you (and presumably all women) to be thin. You were being so unreasonable to defy his expectations of what women should look like so he hurled abuse at you. Serves you right really for not considering his needs...

You probably don't. You were just the nearest.

If it's of any help to know, I've only been skinny and I've had comments e.g. about my tits (small).

It doesn't matter what you look like.

(Incidentally the young man who commented on my tits was an average to below average looking, not tall, tradesman (not even a classic trade, just someone wiring network cables).
I've dated tall, good looking junior doctors, I've dated tall, good looking architects, I've dated and married tall, good looking professionals.
I wouldn't have gone out with him, he's well below the league of anyone I've dated).

And yes, sociopaths do believe that everyone is put on this planet to be of use to them and be what they want.

If you are not of use to them, eg eye candy, they get resentful and angry.

Alcohol, coke and trying to be a big man in front of his "mates" escalates that to what happened to you.

Their delusion is almost comical.

I think a tiny dick little finger motion with a wry look is the best response.

You can loose weight, gain weight, dress differently, dye your hair (if you wanted to.. and of course you don't need/have to).

He will always be a total bellend.

I feel your pain OP. I am not as slim and in shape as I was but was told, by some random bloke, that I am “too fat to even rape” and “should starve down to breeding weight”. I was in better shape than him.
I don’t run outdoors now, or go to the gym. I turned my garage into a gym. At least on a bike, I can outpace the overweight, unattractive asswipes that think they can have an opinion on my hugely (in their opinion) size 14 frame that is clearly to big for being 5’9”.

Men are awful. I just live for me now, dumped the judgy bloke recently too. He called me Lardypants once too often.

I've also been mocked by a man, with his partner nearby, for walking extremely awkwardly while suffering severe pelvic girdle pain while pregnant.

He saw me from behind and I don't think he realised I was pregnant. He presumably thought I had walking difficulties or a disability.

He walked behind me, copying my walk and mocking me, in front of his audience of "mates" on the terrace of a bar .. . He was very pleased with himself.

They walk among us.

Its just such a pity that we're not allowed to carry 22 rifles and disperse a few head shots ..... Very unreasonable laws in this country.