AIBU to be disappointed and a bit upset about this?

[Upsetbetty]

Please go easy. I’m just a bit emotional and confused/sad/disappointed at my work colleagues. I have had a big birthday this week. And I know it’s only Thursday but I’m starting to feel upset that my work colleagues (who usually celebrate these things) have not done anything yet. Unless it happens tomorrow of course which is not impossible but I feel like it’s unlikely. Another colleague had a similar birthday before Christmas and they got a card/cash. I had an email today saying there were two cards in X persons drawer to sign for a person who is leaving and another for someone else who is celebrating a significant event. AIBU? Should I try to hold off my disappointment until tomorrow when I can actually say “oh they didn’t do anything 😔”
I know it’s not a given that these things happen…but I can’t help feeling the way I feel.

Yes I do, well I think we do. The other cards were actually bought on weds which was hard to swallow but anyway. I’m over it now, I’ve reduced my expectations greatly, lesson learned. There’s a few of them in the middle of purchasing houses soon. I won’t be adding to any collections for those should they come up, which is sad because to be honest I had planned to. But like others have said it leaves a sour taste.

Such a shame. It does sound like they have forgotten but it still hurts. I hope they realise their mistake soon and come grovelling.

How can it be when they knew it was her birthday? I definitely wouldn’t contribute to future birthdays, weddings etc. Not celebrating the OP’s birthday was hurtful, spiteful and unforgivable, making her feel less valued.
It might be better if there was a rule stating that collections for such events will no longer take place. A lot of hurt and bad feeling is generated in situations such as the OP has experienced

Similar happened to me many years ago; it wasn't a big birthday but the team had agreement that we would have a collection for each other's birthdays. Couple of collections for 2 members having their birthdays then along came my birthday - zilch, not even a card or a happy birthday (they knew when it was as there was a list up). 2 weeks later they come collecting for the next birthday; I declined and made it clear I wouldn't be contributing to any more birthdays. Happily I got another job shortly after that, good riddance to the lot of them

There should be a law which says adults don’t celebrate birthdays after 21. Might get a pass for 3-0, 4-0, 5-0 and retirement. But that’s with friends and family.

YABU but not YANBU to not contribute to anyone else’s in future.

This really sucks and is a an example of inequality at work. Management should strive to ensure all birthdays are treated equal within work.

Last place I worked forgot my birthday the 2nd year, although constantly celebrating others on Teams. I also never got a secret Santa gift, even though I went out of my way and spent more to post mine after the Christmas do was cancelled.

When I left I was told something was coming in the post for me - I never got anything, but the previous person who left got a lovely plant etc.

I understand some colleagues may be closer mates, but they should do their birthday gift things ourside of work and any in work gestures need to be the same for all employees.

I had this happen to me for my 50th birthday and the week after a fuss was made of someone else turning 30 with cards /flowers and collection. It really hurt and has definitely changed my opinion of the team I work with. It still hurts me now.

@Upsetbetty happy birthday!
I'm sorry you're feeling sad about your colleagues. To me unless they really were friends/mates and we socialise outside work I wouldn't expect anything for my birthday.

I think if it is a regular thing it should be made 'official' in that an admin person or office manager keeps a diary and then gets a reminder, and the company pays for a card and that staff member maybe does a collection. Then possibly a cake and drinks at the end of the day.

Otherwise it shouldn't really be a 'thing', as you've found, people can get left out. So it's either do birthdays at work or don't.

In my last place we didn't as there'd be one a week. So if people wanted to they'd invite people for after work drinks but nothing office based.

I had something similar happen at work but it was when my father passed away. Not a card or flowers or anything….other colleagues who had lost parents in the months before had the works.

Several months after another colleagues parent had passed and there was a whip around, I kindly told them not to ask me to contribute to anything again as I wouldn’t be giving…I told them why, a few were embarrassed, probably because I called them out but others didn’t seem to care but I’d bided my time and had my say in the end and I felt much better for it.

I was in a department for 2 years and received nothing (worked in the company 10 yrs in all) even my 40th went by without so much as a card. New girl turned 30 and the effort that was put in was ridiculous..expensive gift, banners, meal out, sash....I felt so upset and confused by it. It really is crap Op. People can be the absolute worst! Xx

Same here 🙋🏼‍♀️

I never contributed again. Didn't make a big deal of it. Just passed it over like I'd been passed over.

All these posts remind me of why I opted out of participating in colleagues birthdays a long time ago. Causes so many problems

Last place I worked a woman turned 50 and got a Radley handbag (she collects them), I turned 50 and got......nothing. Not even a Happy Birthday.

When the next birthday came around I said no I wasnt doing that anymore, and when the manager got snotty and asked why I said because no one bothered for my 50th so why should I do it for someone elses. Never got an apology, it was never mentioned but I was never asked to contribute again. Left not long after, it was a toxic place anyway, couldnt wait to see the back of it.

OP, my work colleagues also didn’t arrange a card for my birthday last year. We always send an E-card and have a free company account for that precise purpose. But nada. It stings, and it’s hard to not take it very personally, but I still make sure my team get their Bday cards because I don’t want them to feel how I did x

So do you work closely with colleagues and some of whom you'd class as friends? And you got no cards whatsoever? Are there some that seem 'popular' and in a click? I would imagine you saw yourself as one of the girls (so to speak)?

Obviously things aren't as they seem, or how you thought they were. There's some rotten people about x

Wankers

Ah, this happened to me last year. I contributed and helped organise a gift for a colleagues big birthday.
a few months later and I didn’t get anything for my big birthday. One member of the team gave me flowers. But it did make me feel less important than my colleague.
It’s hard not to take it personally. I hope you enjoyed your birthday away from work. xxx

It’s like a popularity contest. Horrible.

This happened to me. I started working for a new company in the Dec and my big birthday was the following October. A colleague had her big birthday, a decade ahead of me the week before my big day, a collection had been done, she got cards, gift cards, wine etc. They said they always celebrated big birthdays. On my big day DH had been in and put up photos in the office for me but there was nothing for me, it was never mentioned and the manager who employed me said she didn't know even though I had booked time off for a family holiday specifically for my 'special birthday' and she knew my DOB. I sucked it up at the time but felt sore about it. It's a few years ago so rarely think about it now.

We have an opt in system in my workplace. My side and Admin side do it separately but same thing. They do $50 and you buy for the person after you.

We do $100 and this year we drew from a hat for who buys who.It seems like a lot but we were all pretty much chucking $10 in for each Birthday whip around anyway. We still bought a store cake and some choccies for those that started in the middle of the year, not acknowledging your Birthday was just cruel.

For anyone who’s been treated this way, keep a note and bring it up when you eventually leave. It’s not on within the work place.

Whilst some colleagues are naturally more popular and might be better thought of, this culture of treating colleague’s birthdays differently is just not right.

Prehaps if employers had a birthday policy where they gave everyone a card and a token gift in work, and then anything else happens out of work, it would cause less hurt all round.

I backed out of all this rubbish, when they didn't bother with mine.

most of the places I have worked have celebrated birthdays, especially for a significant one. Not always with cards or presents, it could just be saying happy birthday on slack/ WhatsApp groups.

UPDATE…so just as predicted…fellow colleague is having a birthday this week (not even a big birthday!!) and there’s a card to sign and have been asked if I would like to contribute towards little gift because “it’s nice to celebrate the little things”! Ffs, talk about rubbing salt in the wound!

Ouch. So what did you say when asked?