AIBU to be disappointed and a bit upset about this?

[Upsetbetty]

Please go easy. I’m just a bit emotional and confused/sad/disappointed at my work colleagues. I have had a big birthday this week. And I know it’s only Thursday but I’m starting to feel upset that my work colleagues (who usually celebrate these things) have not done anything yet. Unless it happens tomorrow of course which is not impossible but I feel like it’s unlikely. Another colleague had a similar birthday before Christmas and they got a card/cash. I had an email today saying there were two cards in X persons drawer to sign for a person who is leaving and another for someone else who is celebrating a significant event. AIBU? Should I try to hold off my disappointment until tomorrow when I can actually say “oh they didn’t do anything 😔”
I know it’s not a given that these things happen…but I can’t help feeling the way I feel.

Normally just give little individual gifts to those you are closest to for a normal birthday but big ones are treated similar to a leaving or life event…

Happy belated birthday! That’s really rubbish and unkind. I would not be signing others cards or contributing after this but then I can be very petty

Yeah this is how I feel to be honest. But I’ll end up signing them…I always do…

I find this bizarre. I have never worked anywhere where we would even know the dates of colleague's birthdays, let alone make a fuss about them.
A birthday is a private thing, not something we publicise because we're upset not to get any presents! Please, OP, stay professional in your workplace.

I am very professional at all times. But this is the way it is in my workplace, so that why I feel the way I feel.

I think that really sucks, OP. I would probably sign the other cards this time on the off chance they are saving all three events for Friday and doing a joint presentation/celebration. But if that didn't happen I doubt I'd bother signing or joining in those sorts of group things again. Just give an individual card or gift to people I was really close to. It would really sour the workplace for me, I think (and I don't actually like my birthday being celebrated at work, it's just the being left out when you've joined in for everyone else - it's nasty).

I had this happen to me. 4 of us turned 40 within an 18 month period. I was the second. The other 3 had cards/flowers/chocolate/jewellery. I had a ‘happy birthday’. That was it. Not even a card. Never taken part in a whip round since!

That’s awful, 😞 I’m sorry that happened to you.

Do they normally celebrate birthdays on the actual day or on the Friday of that week? Seems strange not to do it on someone’s actual birthday if it’s on a work day.

Personally I loathe birthday cards/whip rounds at work for anything other than a new baby. They are a PITA and it would be better if workplaces stamped out the whole practice. Birthdays are a private occasion, to be marked by family and friends, not people you just happen to work with.

Happy birthday.

It sounds as if birthday (and other event) celebrations at your work are not really 'organised' but usually someone volunteers to take responsibility? Are you the person who does that for your department or do you work with people (often men) who just think these things happen on their own? It's not the same if you have to remind your colleagues.

Yeah I hate this. It’s happened to me too. Admittedly I don’t make a big fuss of my birthday or tell anyone it’s coming up but work do have my date of birth from when I applied for the job so it’s not unknown to them if they were interested in finding out and I’d happily tell someone if they asked for this reason. I’ e not worked there as long as the people who tend to have their birthdays celebrated at work which I think is the reason but it’s still rubbish, I have been there about 8 years now so it’s not like I joined last week. I honestly think either work should not celebrate birthdays at all or have someone keeping a careful track of everyone’s birthdays so nobody is left out.

Did you take a cake or cakes in? Is that a thing in your work?

No it’s literally a take turns thing there’s quite a lot of us…mostly women. I have done it for someone leaving before. Not a set person at all.

No not really. Although one person did this before.

😮 Last Monday? It wouldn't make sense for it to be acknowledged tomorrow, as it should have been last Friday, if not on the actual day. To not do anything at all on the day and to leave it until after the event is not particularly caring. I can understand why this hurts.

🎶 Happy belated birthday to you. Happy belated birthday to you. Happy belated birthday @Upsetbetty Happy birthday to yoooooooooo 🎶

That’s sad if it’s a common thing in your workplace, but in all my Working life (40 odd years) I’ve never had more than a card from colleagues.

it doesn’t have to be on the day I suppose, I wasn’t in on Monday though.

My work is a bit like this. Not really a system in place so some people's birthdays are celebrated and some aren't. It definitely comes down to poor systems more than anything else. I do think if you're going to celebrate birthdays at work you should try to make it equal for everyone.

Were the other “big birthdays” celebrated because the employees were in work in the actual day of their birthdays?

Also which “big birthday” is it? I see 40 as big but not 30 for example. Some people think every 5 years is big 35,45 etc but most don’t. Could it be something like that?

But you’re not the OP so your comment doesn’t help.

Yeah 40

No I don’t think it’s a case of it not being on the day. Most people book their actual birthday day off to be honest

I would have to say something, because it’s so weird and hurtful and I couldn’t cope with wondering why!

I couldn’t do that to another colleague so I wouldn’t take it myself. I’d gently ask if I’d done something to upset everyone and admit I was quite hurt by it.

My colleagues forgot my birthday yesterday. Won't be doing any more cards for anyone else

Happy birthday @BeTwinklyKhakiPanda 🥳 It’s not a nice feeling at all 😞