AIBU to be disappointed and a bit upset about this?

[Upsetbetty]

Please go easy. I’m just a bit emotional and confused/sad/disappointed at my work colleagues. I have had a big birthday this week. And I know it’s only Thursday but I’m starting to feel upset that my work colleagues (who usually celebrate these things) have not done anything yet. Unless it happens tomorrow of course which is not impossible but I feel like it’s unlikely. Another colleague had a similar birthday before Christmas and they got a card/cash. I had an email today saying there were two cards in X persons drawer to sign for a person who is leaving and another for someone else who is celebrating a significant event. AIBU? Should I try to hold off my disappointment until tomorrow when I can actually say “oh they didn’t do anything 😔”
I know it’s not a given that these things happen…but I can’t help feeling the way I feel.

I’m sorry this happened to you, but so glad you got a surprise party! I don’t blame you for not contributing in future.

No one at work wished me a happy birthday this year (my best friend at work doesn’t work that day and most of my closest colleagues are men who don’t care about their own birthdays, but it made me feel crap). 😔

I can empathise OP - I’ve been in my current job for 7 years & was given a birthday card signed by some of my colleagues the first year but nothing after that. What really rankles is that folks who have only just started working in the store will be given a card. There’s a few of us who have been there a while that don’t get one. It also stings that I didn’t even receive a get well card after an op yet in the past, I have been the one to organise a card & flowers for colleagues.

i think you should have told people it was your birthday, and jolted their memory

People knew it was her birthday and some wished her happy birthday throughout the week. What would reminding them have changed? The issue isnt they forgot, it is that they did nothing to mark it, despite it being company standard behaviour.

One place I worked had to stamp on all whiprounds etc. There was an embarrassing situation where one person's non-special birthday garnered a massive whipround pot as it had gone round the whole building while a colleague's wedding whipround was only circulated amongst close team members.

The first person was known to everyone as she delivered in-house post. The second person sorted the post which the first person delivered.

Cue much upset.

The company put some rules in place so that whiprounds were banned after that. Company would give a modest gift.

But this isn’t about you…

Turn up with a cake/bottle of somethinh & saying your going straight to a friend's- family members after work "for my birthday" & let them cotton on

Well, I find your response bizarre! Exhorting the OP to ‘stay professional’ as though you’re her line manager or something… Just because you’ve never worked anywhere like that (and have, seemingly, missed the point of the post), that doesn’t automatically make the OP unprofessional.

They knew it was my birthday

OP in your shoes (and again i am not only petty but very confident in myself) i would let it be known that a significant birthday was missed (you don't need to say whose) and that in view of that, it would be better, going forward, that there were no more birthday collections office-wide, to avoid disappointment and possible future accusations of bullying.

And then just duck out of all future card signing.

i wouldnt duck out of future birthdays
i imagine it was a mistake

although i remember being very upset because work colleagues i thought forgot my birthday
but they must have suddenly remember and gave me a whole department signed card in the afternoon!
so i get where you are coming from but you are posting after a week so i think you need to put it down to bad organization

When I left my last job, only my department signed my card and bought me (very lovely I might say) gifts. Another department did get me a card as they couldn't understand why a card and collection had not gone around the whole company. Very sad at the time as I like reading what people have said, some of it is usually hilarious and I tend to keep these kind of cards

So really just this to say, who knows why colleagues do this sort of thing, I hope you have a wonderful birthday with your family and friends

Happy Birthday🍾🎂 x

I think in these situations it's best to be factual, honest, non dramatic and definitely not sarcastic or petty - the last two let them off the hook because they're justified in thinking you're a twat.

When the right opportunity presents; either someone ask you about your birthday, asks you to sign a card for someone or just a chat say

"I was actually pretty disappointed that week. I had a big birthday and was emailed to partake in celebrations for other team members but nothing was done for me. It left a sour taste in my mouth."

Don't elaborate or mention how you work be contributing going forward, just let it sit there.

For me the issue is the inequality. There clearly is a precedent at your work for birthdays being celebrated so no wonder you feel put out.

Does the other person at work who got a 40th card recently have the same manager as you?

If yes, then I would raise it with that manager.

If no, I’d chalk it up to your manager being shit - and their manager not shit. It sucks but unless there is someone making effort to send a collection round it just doesn’t get done sadly.

Currently living in Germany. Here you’re expected to bring a cake YOURSELF for your colleagues on your birthday. 😁

Maybe a last resort to instigate a celebration. 😅

Did they definitely know how old though? I think in ourplace we've been a bit inconsistent in that because it depends if anyone happens to know / remember that it's a big one whether anyone arranged anything.

Yes they definitely know, it’s a running joke that I don’t l don’t look my age.

That's really crap, I'm sorry xx

Oh OP I’m sure they must have something planned! It’s a difficult one - I’ve organised several BD celebrations for people at work. Problem is I always end up out of pocket - last time it was a 21st and I was fifty quid down because I wanted it to be significant and some tight side only put 50p in and so I made sure there was a decent voucher gift. I know that was my choice, but it means I don’t do it everyone’s BDs as I just can’t afford it. So I’ll pop in a tenner when someone else is organising, and when no one has contributed I’ve just gone and bought the whole gift.

is it coming up to payday (like, they weren’t organised and they’re waiting until then so everyone has money to contribute?).

I hope you’ve having:have had a good day - the suns shining hopefully, and you can celebrate at home 💐

That’s really really shit OP, I’m sorry ☹️.

Seems they used the excuse you weren’t in that day to not bother.

I know how upsetting it is.

I decided to go down the route of not bothering anymore.

I’ve been in the same job for over a decade so seen a lot of people get married, have babies, leave, have operations or celebrate big birthdays.

I always put into their collections and signed their cards.

Until I had a big birthday and also cancer treatment. Not even a card either time.

I still enjoy my job so won’t leave but now just ignore collections.

Happy 40th @Upsetbetty

It’s not your birthday yet?

It was last Monday.

Do you get on well with your colleagues? It's odd they've not done anything. Perhaps it just got forgotten about with the other two cards going round at the same time.