AIBU to be disappointed and a bit upset about this?

[Upsetbetty]

Please go easy. I’m just a bit emotional and confused/sad/disappointed at my work colleagues. I have had a big birthday this week. And I know it’s only Thursday but I’m starting to feel upset that my work colleagues (who usually celebrate these things) have not done anything yet. Unless it happens tomorrow of course which is not impossible but I feel like it’s unlikely. Another colleague had a similar birthday before Christmas and they got a card/cash. I had an email today saying there were two cards in X persons drawer to sign for a person who is leaving and another for someone else who is celebrating a significant event. AIBU? Should I try to hold off my disappointment until tomorrow when I can actually say “oh they didn’t do anything 😔”
I know it’s not a given that these things happen…but I can’t help feeling the way I feel.

Tomorrow is a bit late
It's a birthDAY, not a birthweek.
They've dropped the ball.

Happy birthday (belated)💐

Happy Birthday! I can completely sympathise with you. In a previous job I had they used to celebrate big birthdays and major life events with cards and gifts. I had a big birthday, got engaged and purchased our first home all with no acknowledgement whilst at the same time they were celebrating the same events in team members lives.

Any mention of it today?

Nope 👎 but that’s ok. I just won’t be partaking in other birthday celebrations going forward.

I’m so sorry @Upsetbettythat’s shitty of them. How do you and your colleagues usually find out about birthdays to start with? I wouldn’t have a clue unless they mentioned it in advance.

That’s crap I’m assuming it’s one of those situations where everyone thought someone else was doing it but it’s still rubbish particularly given it was a big birthday.

How will you avoid them?

That’s rubbish.

Did you ask your colleague?

I do think it’s best to not do this at work as people always will get forgotten and no one deserves to feel like this.

I sympathise and have shared your pain. This was probably a case of everyone thought someone else was doing it. Once the day has been missed people move on and forget about it.

There is sometimes a lingering embarrassment so extra fuss gets made for the next person. Which of course makes the forgotten person feel just a little bit worse.

My birthday is early January so never had any fuss made.

The normal thing to do was for the birthday person's desk be decorated, card signed by the team. I can count the number of times I got that on the fingers of one foot.

I would arrive with the normal cakes (plus fruit & nuts for the new year dieters) to find nothing done. At some point during the morning I would see someone scurrying around the office getting a card signed. This would then get dropped on my desk which just emphasised the sense of afterthought.

So glad I now WFH.

I don’t see 40 as a ‘big’ birthday in terms of work colleagues. No extra fuss from my work when I turned 40, the majority of staff are in their 30s and 40s so I guess it doesn’t seem like a
big milestone as we’re all roundabout that age anyway. 50 tends to be celebrated as a big one in my work but not 30 and 40. Maybe your idea of what constitutes a ‘big’ birthday doesn’t marry up with what your work think, I certainly wouldn’t be doing anything extra for a colleague on their 40th compared to what I did on their 39th.

Isn't it weird how everyone is different. Clearly, the OP isn't glad.

Is there a possibility that someone at home has organised a surprise party that close colleagues are invited to?

I have been part of different teams that have had different approaches to celebrating birthdays.

One team kept a list of birthdays in a shared folder (not the year just day and month), and remind staff when birthdays come up in team meetings. They organise a card (a computer print out) before the day and drop it on the person’s desk.

In another team they celebrate all birthdays for the month with a cake or a team morning tea.

I think both approaches are nice but it really takes someone to be on top of it.

I think it is unkind that you were not acknowledged. I also agree with posts, I wouldn’t get too involved in other birthdays going forward. It has to be an approach that works for all, not just some.

It strikes me that they all thought that someone else was taking the lead on your card/collection and I do understand how hurt you are feeling.

Similar thing happened to me last year.....I had a big birthday and none of my OH family bothered to even send a card.....that really upset me because we always remember theirs, get cards in the mail in time, source beautiful gifts or transfer money to bank accounts etc. All family birthdays are on our calendar to ensure no one gets missed.

I think 50 and 60 are big. And 21. Maybe the rest of them are in their 30s and 40s and think Happy Birthday is sufficient.

I think if birthdays are celebrated at work, it needs to be consistent

I'd be upset too OP

I think most likely it's lack of consideration, not deliberate

Try not to take it too personally

Happy Birthday for Monday, it was also my birthday. Not a big one though.

I am usually the one who has to ask someone to volunteer for big birthdays, we had loads last year and it ended up feeling quite cheeky asking again and again. Luckily this year has been quieter.

The same thing happened to me, OP. I gave to every collection for big birthdays, and when it was my 50th birthday, it was zero. (apart from a text from the Chairman, but only because I took cakes in). I don't think they even know when my birthday is because everyone else gets WhatsApp messages on the staff group and I don't. I don't contribute any more to any collections. I'm sorry this has happened to you, it's very hurtful.

By not signing the card and giving money towards them

yeah I dunno, I think it’s a big one and the last person to turn 40 has a card and a whip round…so they clearly thought the same. Anyway it’s done now, I know where I stand 😞

there was a surprise get together last night 🥹 and it was fab!! I really didn’t expect that to happen, but alas no work people there.

What happened?

Have you been at the company a similar amount of time as the person who had a card and whip around? I have one colleague where we did make a big fuss on her 30th even though we usually wouldn’t because she’s been at the workplace since she left school, she’s been there longer than most and a lot of the longer standing staff remembered her as a brand new teen starter so I guess 30 seemed a bigger milestone for her than somebody who was already in their late 20s when they started with us anyway. Sometimes it also just comes down to whether the people you are close to at work are also the people who are proactive and make a fuss around birthdays, at my workplace some people get a bigger fuss than others because another colleague that they’re close to is proactive in getting it done, some colleagues are friends out of work and have a big social circle in work and others keep to themselves and don’t have anybody who is close enough to them to make a big effort. Are you close and sociable with people at work? Do you see any outside of work? How does this compare with people who have had an effort made?

I'd say they plan on celebrating your special birthday on Monday as it's this Monday coming? Keep us posted!

Ah fab you had a surprise party last night! Relish in that lovely surprise! Hope you got some lovely thoughtful gifts and feel like a superstar!
So annoying when things like that happen....I've slipped through cracks birthday wise too as my birthday is in September..a teacher....so it's always passed by the time people realise it has come! But don't sweat these things any longer! But totally understand if it is a done thing and you feel they have forgotten. They still may celebrate on the actual day so don't give up hope yet!

Also how about saying it to one of your closer colleagues?
Either way have a fab weekend! 🥳🎂

No my birthday was last Monday, this Monday is a bank holiday for us so now work, thank god. Anyway it’s done now, it’s not ok, but I’ll get over it and as I said I won’t be signing birthday cards and doing birthday gifts from now on. Sad but…hey ho.

@MolkosTeenageAngst would you believe I’ve actually been in the dept slightly longer, other person joined about a year and but after me but came from another dept.