What do you think of this family house rule?

[Porcell]

People in the house are not allowed to come downstairs in the morning without being fully dressed/clean and moderately groomed.

This does not apply to school kids during the week. But at the weekends/school holidays memebers of the household are not allowed to be in pyjamas. They can veg out on the sofa but they have to be groomed and in clean clothes. Trackies are allowed.

It must be an MN thing because IRL, people just get on with their lives without all the weird competitiveness.

Personally I love being out and about - if the weather is good and I've got a plan in place. But I also love having a chilled day indoors, with no pressure or expectations or rush.

Not sure why some people have to try and convince themselves that their way is best - I can only assume they're not enjoying it as much as they make out

@Razzle6 OP seems to want to set some basic standards for their young people

What, actually, is the standard that's being set here? Where does it originate? By whom has it been set, and with whom agreed? What's 'basic' about it? What's the 'advanced' form of it? How's conformance to the standard measured and calibrated?

I mean, without some kind of demonstrability on this, it just looks as though you're making a general rule out of a personal preference.

That's nice for you. I have to work 7 days of the week most of the time I'm in uk ( 9 months of the year) to pay for the 3 months travelling. Beats sitting Indoors on my own all the time lol

You can still do that and enjoy the time you have to spend at home though - why the insistence that being home is so utterly shit?

Personally I would be pretty miserable if I had to work seven days a week for nine months in order to do some travelling - especially if that meant I couldn't even enjoy the home I was paying for and spending so much time in.

I work three days a week, but have around 2 months of annual leave, which I can spread out to take where I like, and go where I like with it.

You are not making your life sound as amazing as you're trying to convince us it is. People only started this conversation with you because you were judgemental about people who might spend a chilled day at home.

I enjoy being in new places, but absolutely loathe the actual travelling part of it. I don't enjoy being on a plane/train or stuck in a car for hours. I don't enjoy sleeping in beds that aren't mine or not having my own things around me. If teleportation was available, I'd be all over the world. But I can absolutely understand that some people love travelling enough that those parts don't bother them.

Why the insistence that your way is better, rather than accepting that people can enjoy being in their home?

Why? How does it affect you?

My way is better FOR ME. Certainly preferable to baking and suchlike. I have no problem with other people sitting indoors ( apart from my partner but I spend less time with him unless he is actually going to do something) If you actually recall correctly I said that it would drive ME stir crazy being indoors all day ( never mind in pajamas) Didn't say anything about other people

I love travelling and tbh don't give a shit about " things' Quite happily travel for a couple of months with a 6 kg backpack.

You said you didn't know of anyone who had pj days, asked if people really did it and said it would drive you stir crazy. Then when people questioned you doubled down on it being "stuck" indoors to spend a day at home.

I also don't give a shit about "things" but do like easy access to drinks I prefer, my own shampoo and my pillow. And I have allergies, so easy access to things safe for me makes things like backpacking difficult. Doesn't mean I can't understand that other people might actually do something I don't.

YABU

Why so controlling? I couldn’t care less what people come down in in the morning. I’d be telling you to piss off.

I wfh and sometimes work on my pjs 😱😂

I don't know if anyone that does pyjama days. Surely that's not difficult to unders. And again I said it would drive ME crazy . Where did I say it's wrong for others to do it?

Your language was all negative about spending time at home. If you think there's nothing wrong with it, you wouldn't have continually told people things like it's better than being stuck indoors.

You would have said "I prefer this to spending a day at home".

Semantics

I suppose the question is whose house is it? Most people have rules in their house that are different from someone else’s. Sometimes they don’t realise that they are different and it can be awkward. I won’t let my children take food or electronic devices to their bedrooms.

Part of the reason for moving out as a young adult is to form your own routines and rhythms. If it is important for the children to be able to eat breakfast in their pyjamas then they can do so when they have their own place.

No, that's how language is used. To convey your thoughts and feelings. If you feel negatively, you use negative language to convey it.

Ok and for me being stuck at home is negative. Spent 6 bloody weeks stuck at home after an operation. Not bloody fun

I have gone out in a long hoodie and pj trousers. I'd hurt my back and had to drop DC off at an event. It was too painful to sort out getting changed for the sake of a 10 minute walk.
I did brush my hair.
I wouldn't go shopping dressed like that, but it's not to do with pride or being 'polished', just that my hoodie is really baggy and I'd probably catch stuff with it and swipe it off the shelves accidentally.

Surely this is about balance? Kids who waste the entire weekend, every weekend, slobbing around and not getting dressed, brushing teeth etc - not great. These are kids more likely to lack the discipline to thrive by doing more than just school/tv, not to mention the potential impact on oral (and therefore cardiovascular) health, etc. However, kids that are never allowed to relax and feel judged for how they present to their family let alone the wider world, also not great. May be more likely to suffer with perfectionism and self-esteem issues.

Extremes of anything are rarely a good idea. Balance is the key, particularly allowing the DC to decide for themselves what that balance should be the older they get.

That's not anyone's idea of fun. I was stuck at home for weeks after smashing a bone into several pieces. That was negative. Totally different to spending a day chilling while able to do things I feel like doing. Not stuck then. Positive.

And I can separate out the two. Didn't make me feel like I had to spend every second of my time avoiding my home and telling everyone that being out was better.

I don't avoid my home lol. I spend time chilling out but not a whole day. 2 of 3 hours max then I'm bored.

Yeah definitely negative spending weeks indoors. Nothing to do ( except read and shuffle about trying to make myself food and drink) and only broken up if someone popped in for an hour to see me which wasn't everyday

Intolerably controlling.

I don’t know how the voting works as not sure if this is your rule OP or if you are objecting to it.

It becomes a bit more than a "rule" when the consequence of not doing as you're told is that you don't get to eat or drink, though.

It's also not about it being "important to eat breakfast in your pyjamas" - it's the importance of free will and being able to choose to eat breakfast in your pyjamas if that's what you happen to feel like doing.

Well, I don't think anyone would enjoy that - but it's not exactly comparable to choosing to stay at home for a day or two

But can you understand how someone might (happily) while away a whole day at home (in PJ's or not)? By having a leisurely breakfast, a more extravagant shower/bath than usual, cook something delicious up for their dinner that might take a couple of hours to cook rather than sticking something quick in, read a book, watch a film, do a jigsaw, whatever?

For example, today we're having a full beef dinner which takes time, following a walk in the nature reserve that is next to our house and the rest of the day has been reading, watching the formula one, repotting some house plants, watching the goldfinches that have finally arrived on my feeders, sorting my seeds for the next round of planting. DH has built a castle with DD and we've all done some of her jigsaws and read her some books. Admittedly not the entire day indoors but other than the walk, which we can do from the house, we've been at home. It's not a whole day of "lounging" but if I spend the whole day in leggings and a jumper, it doesn't matter.

They aren't children when they move out. I'd rather my DC have memories of a relaxed homely environment.

Totally agree. Being stuck at home through illness/injury is completely different to choosing to spend a weekend in pjs, binge watching box sets and ordering from Deliveroo.

Sone weekends I’m full on out socialising and only indoors to shower and change, others I can barely be arsed to move from the sofa - that’s the variety of life. If someone told me on one of my hermit weekends I wasn’t allowed breakfast or to watch Netflix until I was showered and fully dressed, I’d tell them where to go.