What do you think of this family house rule?

[Porcell]

People in the house are not allowed to come downstairs in the morning without being fully dressed/clean and moderately groomed.

This does not apply to school kids during the week. But at the weekends/school holidays memebers of the household are not allowed to be in pyjamas. They can veg out on the sofa but they have to be groomed and in clean clothes. Trackies are allowed.

My home was like this growing up. I didn’t mind it at all. I don’t consider it an issue. However, I have chosen not to emulate that in my own family.

We have one bathroom and four people, if everyone had to wait until they had showered/bathed before they came downstairs the last person would be very hungry when it came to breakfast, or the first person would have to get up very early at the weekend.
Until I was in my 30s I actually preferred to shower and get dressed myself before having breakfast, but it never occurred to me to impose that on anyone else. And since having kids that has gone out of the window anyway.

Most Sundays my daughter wears pjs all day. 😂 She does get showed and put clean ones on though so not as bad as it sounds.

Not a fan of your rule.
I prefer it if kids brush teeth and get dressed before coming down on weekdays, because it makes it quicker to then get out of the door.
But on weekends we all chill 😆 If we are not dressed by midday, that's when i start encouraging it.

No they won't. Once they realise the cost of moving out, they will squat until the last possible minute 😂

It’s doesn’t sound bad anyway. It’s sounds like most of us, she has a busy week and Sundays are her downtime lounging around in a comfortable home. Much better than OP’s stuffy rules where her kids can’t even have ‘scruffy hair’ 🙄

Independent kids is the goal. DC moving out the moment they can because they don’t want to be in their home environment isn’t an indication they are independent. It’s an indication they are unhappy.

They’re probably already saving up!!!

In your own home it's fine to come downstairs in PJ's. Bit minging when people do it in a Premier Inn though.

Even worse when people go out in PJ's, dressing gown and slippers...have some pride FGS.

Reasonable if you're trying to get your kids to move out and go low contact.

Is it genuinely happy, or do the kids just feel unable to disagree with the rules, @Porcell? If the parent is this controlling about how the family dress and present themselves, I suspect they are not the sort of parent who would listen if their kids (or partner) said they were unhappy with the rules, or who would be willing to relax them if their kids family was unhappy. Definitely a ‘My way or the highway’ parent.

They run the very real risk of losing their kids. My mum was quite controlling, and my childhood was not a happy one - but she would have told you it was very happy. There is no way I could have expressed my unhappiness to her - the only two times I did, I was ignored and brushed aside, or guilted into changing my feelings. Once I left home, at 18, I didn’t go home often, and as I got older, I had less and less contact with my mum, to the extent where I was closer to my MIL, and felt far more loved by her than I ever did with my mum.

It sounds weirdly controlling and slightly unnecessary to me. Do you warn people staying over of these house rules and how you expect them to behave? I would perhaps take a little time to work out where the need to control like this is coming from, some past trauma or have you crossed through a time slip from the Victorian era?

Yes, theres a big difference between saying “ok kids now you’ve had breakfast go get dressed and don’t forget to brush your teeth” to an actual house rule set in stone, that must be adhered to.

Saving every penny to get away from this weird Mum.

I have a school friend who had a Mum who was like this. She now lives in America and does not have a relationship with her Mum.

I grew up in a home where even at the age of 5 , I was expected to get up when called, make my own bed , get dressed , open my curtains and go down for breakfast. Without having to be asked , I washed my own bowl, cup and plate , dried and put them away. I went to the bathroom brushed my teeth. Then either went to play or school. I suppose it created a good habit but it was a very strict upbringing.
I can see your point in wanting everyone ready and wanting them to start the day as it does create habit and routine.

Pajamas are dirty after being worn sleeping in their bed? Don't you ever make them bathe or wash their sheets? And do you make them change when they come home? Because the clothes they have been wearing out and about all day are filthy harboring dirt and germs from who knows where. It is not a happy home just because you say it is, that is your perception. Wait until your children are adults explaining this to their therapist to see how happy they thought it was.

You’d be horrified at our home educated household op. On days we’re not out at groups/classes we often stay in pjs all morning doing our projects and tasks 😂 😱 😂

If I lived in your house. I wouldnt come down. My days off are for relaxing, not being told what I can and cannot wear. I have a cuppa and breakfast whilst watching tv, and then I get dressed and showered. I need time to wake up. You sound very controlling.

Op, your kids are going to run for the hills when they're 18. Even if you think you have a "happy home," I suspect when they are old enough to see and experience living in a more relaxed atmosphere, they won't be coming home all that much. Their partners are going to think you're batshit.

I'm fascinated that at the point when I voted, 88% of people thought this was unreasonable.
OP seems to want to set some basic standards for their young people yet its gets highlighted as abusive!? FGS!
I fear that these basic skills are being lost in society and this seems the reason why
Parents who let their kids slob around all day wearing an 'oodie' eating fast food off their laps and being stuck to a screen, having absolutely no structure or goals for the day. They then wonder why they can't function in jobs and relationships.
Pull your socks up people (preferably clean ones) and expect and desire more for children.

What basic skills are lacking?
In our household (me, DH, 2 teens) we can and do get up, showered and dressed and arrive on time for work, school, uni, meetings, appointments and extracurricular activities with the correct kit. When we do not have plans we sometimes don't get dressed until later....I'm not sure how this is problematic...?
We very rarely have fast food but if we do we go to the local MacDonalds (with proper clothes on - although I'm not sure what fast food has got to do with getting dressed at an arbitrary time at weekends...)

She said she didn't let her family downstairs in pyjamas. You need to get a grip and start your own thread.

You're talking nonsense.

Parents who allow their kids to chill at home and don't impose arbitrary house rules simply because they can are not producing young adults who can't function in jobs or relationships.

I was about as chilled as parents come with dd. Our only house rules were to treat other people with respect and to take responsibility for your own stuff. My dd has not turned into some kind of useless layabout - she's in a stable, healthy relationship, working part time, training to be a doctor and volunteering in the local community.

Pointless power plays by parents don't usually achieve what they set out to achieve.

I wouldn’t like this rule. Pj days are normal here!