To wonder if sister murdered or harmed deliberately ?

[Lavenderfarmcottage]

My sister died aged 40 last year during a mental health ward admission/stay for mental health episode. I am not in the UK but an English speaking country with a health system similar.
I was told the hospital report into death would be thorough. Directors said it was likely the diazepam which shouldn’t have been prescribed with suspected sleep apnoea.
Recently spoke to a Journalist and read the report with fresh eyes. On the morning of her death there are conflicting statements about whether she was settled or sleeping. I have attached a photo. This report was signed by 5 executives/ directors at hospital get the report contradicts itself.
I have contacted the coroner and been igbored and the hospital. My Mother has said she thinks it’s suspicious and more than negligence but then stonewalled me and said she wouldn’t enter into discussions until my sister’s house had settled and money disbursed as that is her priority (my Mum & I are only beneficiaries). This is true to form for my Mother but I was upset that and then shut down the conversation. My Mother hasn’t read the report so it was strange for her to have this view.
I recently spoke to a Journalist who went quiet and blanked me when I asked if she’d talk to the hospital. When I asked if it was a police matter she gave me a vague answer saying she hadn’t had time to consider this but it did occur to her.
I note my sisters diazepam (cause for concern flagged in report) was left unchanged at hospital 1 & 2 despite other medications being changed 5 times.
I think what bothering me is the conflicting statements in the report and everyone stonewalling.

I think the diazepam is a read herring and I think the report conflicts because they weren’t ready to tell me what has happened but had to issue a report.

I also received weird texts from a random in the weeks before my sisters death from someone claiming we’d met. They sent me a photo of someone that wasn’t me and claimed that it was me and we’d met at the pool. At the end of the exchange they said they knew my sister and named two places she’d worked. When I showed the photo of this person to my sister she didn’t recognise her.
The above weird texter is one of of many weird contacts. My Dad died suspiciously close to a very large fraud against him that I tried to get a solicitor over. I was told recently that those involved in the fraud had police and government contexts and it’s all very dirty and that anyone who goes near it is shut down. This has been my experience as I tried for years to get answers and here I am.
I think it’s very very unlikely my sister was killed but after the diabolical push back I received regarding my Dad (I’m still not allowed to view his coronial file years later or get answers) and have been blocked from court cases and other info. I have been intimidated etc and so forth and approached over 140 lawyers and coincidentally none can help me. I think maybe anything is possible.

Did you post before about your dad's situation? Are you in Australia?

Only asking because I may have advice re uk coroners but know nothing re Australian system.

Sorry for your loss.

I think you should consider that you may have some mental health needs of your own, and that you should talk all of this over with a professional. Your GP would be a good starting point.

Have you spoken with your GP about your sisters death and the questions you have about the reports?

You say your dad died suspiciously, what do you mean by this? What was the fraud ‘against’ him - did someone de-fraud him of money/assets, or did he have a fraud charge against him?

I agree that the most likely explanation is that you need help yourself to process what has happened.

I don’t know what has happened and there’s conflicting informsation. It’s absolutely not normal and an unreasonable expectation for someone to process and grieve a death where there’s conflicting and missing information & a Mother claiming it’s suspicious and then shutting down the conversation.

Someone stole money from him, I believe and it appears this sum is 1.9 million or more but the police are not confirming if they have or are looking into it.

i haven’t spoken to my GP because the coronial finding is incomplete. The hospital have been vague with answers on the report and there are conflicting facts about what happened in the report.

In my experience there is always conflicting information about how someone died and generally speaking I would find it more suspicious if every statement relayed the same thing identically at the same time.

It's highly unlikely to be the same coroner who dealt with your father's death who considered all the evidence and concluded it was not suspicious.

Have you had access to grief counselling? You say you're satisfied it's extremely unlikely your sister was murdered. In which case don't harm yourself torturing yourself about it.

I think I remember your other post about your Dad.

I think if you chose to look at things a certain way then there are always suspicious circumstances.

However, nothing you investigate will bring back either of your family members. Even if you were to find out that something untoward did take place, how would that help?

I think you are building a narrative to explain tragedies that possibly have no explanation, because it's too painful for these things to have happened for no reason. This is understandable, but now these narratives are obsessing you so much they are interfering with your ability to enjoy your life moving forwards.

I think stop contacting lawyers, who don't see a case worth persuing, and instead spend some time with a grief counselor.

If you suspected two immmediate family members had died suspiciously, would you not want all the information and to speak to relevent people ?

a grief counsellor won’t know this.

You can’t know whether I am building a false narrative without the facts. I say that I have suspicions.

i agree that it’s unhealthy to be on mumsnet discussing this. I think it’s absolutely extraordinary and unusual that I am alone and isolated with nobody to go over these issues.

I don’t think it’s normal to be fed half a story about two deaths when there’s information available.

I would still speak to your GP. They will have experience with these types of reports (complete or incomplete) and will also have experience in listening to grieving family members.

Schedule an appointment with them and ask to be referred to a psychiatrist or psychologist so that you can have someone to speak to weekly/every second week. You are going through a lot and are struggling with a lack of information so it’s important to look after yourself too and do some self care. Grief counselling is a very normal part of the grieving process and you never know what wisdom/insight they will have for you! It’s not about them having ‘info’ on ‘what happened’, it’s about them having tools that will help you cope while you work through all this and figure things out yourself. Outside perspective is very important.

Thankyou. I’m already paying for my son and can’t afford it at the present time.

I think it’s highly unusual to be left with bread crumbs and a Mother claiming it’s suspicious and slamming the door on discussions. Also a coroner that won’t respond about basic information yet again. I think most of the agencies have been cold, inept and yes I absolutely think something untoward is possible given the vast sums and that an Australian police agency intimidated me to let it go.

i understand the need for grief counselling but the point of this post is about how unusual the situation is and oppressive especially with the report.

OP, I think you've posted about this a few times now and I think perhaps it's actually counter-productive. You obviously want to talk about this but nobody here can help you go through the details of this. If you think there is something illegal that has happened you could consult a lawyer in your home country (Australia?) but I think perhaps it's more likely that you are trying to make sense of your grief by wanting someone to blame, when in fact it's perhaps likely that nobody is to blame.

I dont say you're building a false narrative. We can't know that. I just say this narrative is obsessing you so much that it's a negative presence in your life. It's not serving you well, is it?

I say you've tried your hardest to get information, you've gotten a good deal more info about your family members passing than many have. I just don't think carrying on investigating is bringing you any more happiness or closure. I'm saying perhaps consider letting it go, grieving your loved ones, and concentrating on your future life.

How would you even know ?

im probably posting more than once because its two deaths in my immediate family that have more questions than answers and cagey responses from the
government and a police force refusing to investigate or respond about any questions.

there is a double up on this thread because if an error I made posting.

Of course I’m upset and want to talk about it especially when I’m repeatedly shut down and silenced from every avenue.

The theory that I am struggling to process grief is irrelevant. The fact is that the responses and reports are conflicting and suspicious and that leaves me even more confused. That would compound anyone’s grief.

It’s a basic right and civilised expectation in a civilised society to want answers and clarity about how your immediate family died - especially when both my Dad and sister were in their 40’s and died in ways that the coroner and police won’t fully explain to me.

Do you have anyone else in real life who you can talk to about this? Other siblings or a partner.
if your Mum doesn’t want to talk about it then you should respect her decision.

With respect, I understand how devastating grief can be, but the coroner, the police, journalists and over 140 lawyers have been unable to give you the answers that you want. Sometimes the simplest answer is the correct one - they can't give you the answer that you want because no answer will suffice for you.

Sorry if I’ve misunderstood but your dad was in his 40s, so his death was 20/30/40 years ago?

@Lavenderfarmcottage plenty of mental health units prescribe diazepam at a low dose safely for patients including the ones with sleep apnea and there are many papers over the last 20 years that show a low monitored dose does not impact most types of sleep apnea. You say she had suspected sleep apnea - so she could still be in this whilst testing was undergone. Was she actually being investigated for it? My son has a suspected heart condition - yet still takes meds that could affect it as they work best for his mental health issues - but he is closely monitored and we are aware of the Risks and balance it out.

It’s sometimes a toss up on units as to how to manages patients moods, anxieties and ensure they get adequate sleep lest it impact or throw off their dopamine levels.

kindly - I think you are clutching at straws and seeking out loaded guns where there isn’t one. It’s understandable whilst deep in grief that you want solid undisputed answers but unfortunately life isn’t like that.

id also be careful as like with your last post about your father - some of these facts can be easily priced together and be identifying. People only need to search in nhs mental health deaths etc and most are documented.

maybe your mother does not want to dwell on things and it take over her life like this and your fathers death have yours. Maybe your sister has been ill for a long time like my son and your mother did her grieving years ago and just wants all the legal things wrapped up and over so she can find peace and move on.

living with so much pent up grief and anger must take up so much energy. Please find acceptance. Please accept that you have done what you can. Please move on and seek help and concentrate on your family unit around you.

Ì was going to write a longer answer but this sums most of it up.

You also have to ask yourself why? Why would the government, the coroner, the police and all the lawyers be part of a conspiracy to keep the details of your father's death secret? What could possibly have happened that would require so many people to be involved to keep his cause of death quiet? Yet be able to find out the details so quickly - if you approach a random lawyer, they are not going to be part of the conspiracy. But somehow they find out quickly what it is and then agree to be part of it, before telling you there's nothing in it. I'm afraid that it doesn't stand up to scrutiny.

You are grieving. You want to make sense of a senseless death. But sometimes there isn't any. Accidents happen. People die, and there's often nobody at fault because it will happen us all. Find a counsellor. Talk to a grief charity if you can't afford a professional. But you need to try to move on.

I remember your other post about your father being "murdered"
I think you should seek help and I don't mean a journalist

I remember the last thread. You were advised to let it be if you believe family members had been murdered, for your own safety and that of your mother's.

OP I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister 💐

I don't know the laws in your country but has there been a post mortem and an inquest? A death in a hospital setting should be thoroughly investigated and it's awful for the family to be left with unanswered questions. Do you have a Member of Parliament that can help you deal with the authorities involved?