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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder if sister murdered or harmed deliberately ?

116 replies

Lavenderfarmcottage · 13/03/2025 15:48

My sister died aged 40 last year during a mental health ward admission/stay for mental health episode. I am not in the UK but an English speaking country with a health system similar.
I was told the hospital report into death would be thorough. Directors said it was likely the diazepam which shouldn’t have been prescribed with suspected sleep apnoea.
Recently spoke to a Journalist and read the report with fresh eyes. On the morning of her death there are conflicting statements about whether she was settled or sleeping. I have attached a photo. This report was signed by 5 executives/ directors at hospital get the report contradicts itself.
I have contacted the coroner and been igbored and the hospital. My Mother has said she thinks it’s suspicious and more than negligence but then stonewalled me and said she wouldn’t enter into discussions until my sister’s house had settled and money disbursed as that is her priority (my Mum & I are only beneficiaries). This is true to form for my Mother but I was upset that and then shut down the conversation. My Mother hasn’t read the report so it was strange for her to have this view.
I recently spoke to a Journalist who went quiet and blanked me when I asked if she’d talk to the hospital. When I asked if it was a police matter she gave me a vague answer saying she hadn’t had time to consider this but it did occur to her.
I note my sisters diazepam (cause for concern flagged in report) was left unchanged at hospital 1 & 2 despite other medications being changed 5 times.
I think what bothering me is the conflicting statements in the report and everyone stonewalling.

I think the diazepam is a read herring and I think the report conflicts because they weren’t ready to tell me what has happened but had to issue a report.

I also received weird texts from a random in the weeks before my sisters death from someone claiming we’d met. They sent me a photo of someone that wasn’t me and claimed that it was me and we’d met at the pool. At the end of the exchange they said they knew my sister and named two places she’d worked. When I showed the photo of this person to my sister she didn’t recognise her.
The above weird texter is one of of many weird contacts. My Dad died suspiciously close to a very large fraud against him that I tried to get a solicitor over. I was told recently that those involved in the fraud had police and government contexts and it’s all very dirty and that anyone who goes near it is shut down. This has been my experience as I tried for years to get answers and here I am.
I think it’s very very unlikely my sister was killed but after the diabolical push back I received regarding my Dad (I’m still not allowed to view his coronial file years later or get answers) and have been blocked from court cases and other info. I have been intimidated etc and so forth and approached over 140 lawyers and coincidentally none can help me. I think maybe anything is possible.

OP posts:
Lavenderfarmcottage · 15/03/2025 17:07

And no after odd responses ever since I raised an issue of fraud regarding my Dad & attacks and intimidation & now my sisters death, I absolutely don’t think being silenced and going on a retreat is the answer.

My sisters death might be medical negligence or something straight up. However it doesn’t bode well that official reports are offering conflicting statements and accounts.

It has now been 4 years since I raised the alarm on fraud against my family close to my Dads death. I’ve been unable to obtain basic responses, government responses or a lawyer. My sisters is dead and that may very well be unrelated but given the bizarre and extraordinary circumstances, it’s not wrong to question how she died. I think a hit or murder is very very unlikely. However I also think that government responses in Australia have been bizarre and oppressive so I really don’t know what to think.

All I know is that it’s been 4 years since I rung the bell on fraud allegations and I have no answers, no compensation, no lawyer and my sister is dead.

OP posts:
Lavenderfarmcottage · 15/03/2025 17:13

No I don’t think all these people are telling me to go away. I think they’re being informed to shut me down and that I’m crazy or that there’s intelligence laws protecting my information.

Reading this thread I. can’t believe the amount of people that accept being oppressed and silenced and lied to over deaths.

OP posts:
Lavenderfarmcottage · 15/03/2025 17:14

If seems like the ordinary people are where we want them to be - oppressed, oblivious and advising each other to be silent and stay down and quiet.

OP posts:
NeedABabelFish · 15/03/2025 17:29

Regretsmorethanafew · 15/03/2025 08:00

You show every hallmark of paranoid schizophrenia. You need immediate help.

I agree. The way the OP is writing and the things they're saying is exactly how a relative of mine speaks who has paranoid delusions, it's so familiar. Unfortunately my relative will never accept that they're unwell and in need of help.

OP I believe that you absolutely believe that your relative's deaths were suspicious and that there is some kind of conspiracy but in truth it's unlikely, as other pp have said. Please see a medical professional.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 15/03/2025 17:38

I am sorry that happened to you but just because you were willing to be oppressed, stream rolled and give up all your rights and live with no answers, it doesn’t mean that’s normal.

@Lavenderfarmcottage that's a very cruel response to @Namechangetry's post. She told you a tragic story and that's your reply?

ARainyNightInSoho · 15/03/2025 17:40

OP. It’s not a good idea to post a thread like this. It’s not going to help you find answers. It’s just a chat space. We don’t have all of the facts and I doubt anyone in here practices law in Australia. You are very vulnerable and you need real life support. Take care of yourself

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 15/03/2025 17:49

You say on other threads that your dad committed suicide. Do you think that isn't the case?

Bollihobs · 15/03/2025 17:52

I'm so sorry that happened to you and your relative @Namechangetry - though it's very unMumsnet i do wish we had a 'hug' response option for posts like yours. 💐

Regretsmorethanafew · 15/03/2025 18:59

Lavenderfarmcottage · 15/03/2025 16:40

Nobody has raised any alternative narrative that explains or addresses any of the concerns or points I’ve raised.

I am sorry that happened to you but just because you were willing to be oppressed, stream rolled and give up all your rights and live with no answers, it doesn’t mean that’s normal.

Yes we have. The alternative narrative is that you have a serious mental health issue. It explains absolutely everything.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 15/03/2025 19:16

Regretsmorethanafew · 15/03/2025 18:59

Yes we have. The alternative narrative is that you have a serious mental health issue. It explains absolutely everything.

I do agree.

4timesthefun · 15/03/2025 20:28

Lavenderfarmcottage · 15/03/2025 17:13

No I don’t think all these people are telling me to go away. I think they’re being informed to shut me down and that I’m crazy or that there’s intelligence laws protecting my information.

Reading this thread I. can’t believe the amount of people that accept being oppressed and silenced and lied to over deaths.

The alternative to acceptance of oppression and misinformation in these circumstances seems to be exactly what is happening with you right now. I can absolutely understand choosing acceptance. I also chose acceptance for myself. I loved my sibling that died, and I could have spent my whole life trying to fight what seemed to be an injustice in a coronial inquest but I’m just not sure what good that would do me. I doubt my sibling would have wanted that either. Honestly, I think we would all rather be oppressed cogs in the system than experience what you are right now. We are all sorry for your pain though.

CarWatcher · 15/03/2025 20:30

Lavenderfarmcottage · 15/03/2025 17:13

No I don’t think all these people are telling me to go away. I think they’re being informed to shut me down and that I’m crazy or that there’s intelligence laws protecting my information.

Reading this thread I. can’t believe the amount of people that accept being oppressed and silenced and lied to over deaths.

How much do you think all this would cost? Suppressing lawyers, journalists/all the stuff around data/coroners/ medical staff etc? What would your estimate be?

And for what outcome?

It’s not that I am oppressed as you say posters are, I’m just really struggling to see where the motive is in what you have laid out.

Many years ago my friend’s dad was a policeman. I remember him saying the rise in detective TV series was the worst thing to happen to the public’s wellbeing. As almost every case had anomalies and inconsistencies and life is just not as cut and dried as TV. It was over 30 years ago, but I still remember it because he was a nice man who spent so much time trying to find answers that sometimes just weren't there.

OhCalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 15/03/2025 20:56

Suppressing 140 lawyers over a 5 year period is going to be a full time job. It's also a suspiciously round figure. Most people engaging that many lawyers would lose count before the high double figures without a spreadsheet. There still hasn't been anything tangible offered in any of this. Even the excerpt from medical notes proved very little as it lacked context. What actual concrete evidence do you have for what you are adamant has occured here? If you can actually produce something tangible we might be able to see all the connections you are making. Without that it's just words on a screen because you're not proving or disproving anything.

BoundaryGirl3939 · 15/03/2025 21:53

Ilovecakey · 15/03/2025 12:14

What are the books you read? They sound interesting. I've always wondered about freemason and what they do

This is an online pdf of one popular book -
www.slideshare.net/slideshow/the-brotherhood-knight-stephenpdf/263591065

I think this book is only scratching the surface. I've read others but they mostly dealt with Freemasonry in Ireland which would not interest you.

ItGhoul · 15/03/2025 21:58

Lavenderfarmcottage · 15/03/2025 17:13

No I don’t think all these people are telling me to go away. I think they’re being informed to shut me down and that I’m crazy or that there’s intelligence laws protecting my information.

Reading this thread I. can’t believe the amount of people that accept being oppressed and silenced and lied to over deaths.

You are very unwell.

AusMumhere · 16/03/2025 03:15

OP is clearly unwell and unwilling to accept advice from multiple so maybe not responding further is kind

Lavenderfarmcottage · 16/03/2025 03:25

Namechangetry · 15/03/2025 16:47

You're really fucking offensive.

I shared a very painful loss to try to help you , and you in return choose to insult me.

You're not special. Your loss isn't special. No one has instigated a global decades long conspiracy against you, because it wouldn't be worth the bother. Get help with your mental health or live the rest of your life in paranoia, alienating people who try to help you, your choice.

@Namechangetry I’m really sorry and my response was unacceptable. I am very sorry for your loss. I think letting go of answers where there are none to be had is wise and what your relative would want. I meant and should have said, that the responses and handling isn’t fair on you and it shouldn’t be that way.

I will eventually have to accept the same fate and outcome and that is extremely frustrating.

I don’t think I am organically deluded or paranoid. I think that the situation/s are so extraordinary and the responses from agencies so bizarre and evasive and stonewalling that it has made unable to trust in anything.

I don’t think the basic facts of this issue are being understood eg: that the lawyers aren’t over my Sister and a broader issue. This is basically just a gang bang response and bullying to convince myself I’m deluded and forget everything.

i will point out that it seems you did get answers - you were able to see that the investigation was not sufficient or why people responded evasively. It was beyond your control and the resources of one person - mentally and emotionally . I am even more in the dark than that.

I wish you the best and I am very sorry for responding in a hurtful way and out of frustration.

I am not mentally coping at the moment but I’m not crazy and I don’t think I am deluded in isolation or organically. I think that the situation is extraordinary and beyond something where answers can’t be found. I am even more oppressed than that. Like you I will probably have to accept that and move on but that’s a hard thing to do 6 months later and I came on here for support & validation of how bizarre the situation is and lacking in answers.

i am so very sorry for your loss and my very cruel response xoxox

OP posts:
BoundaryGirl3939 · 16/03/2025 07:06

Op I think you're being bullied on this thread too, and people here are secretly enjoying insulting you and calling you crazy.

Please take care of yourself. You will be stonewalled and gaslit. I have followed a number of murder cases in Ireland whereby the families were just not happy with the investigation and outcome. Media took the side of police/courts (all in cahoots) and families didn't have a voice. When people did take time to independently listen to the families, one would find that facts simply didn't add up and major elements of story were being hidden by authorities (for whatever reason).
It can get nasty if you do investigate or get close to the truth.I'm not sure authorities will cave to your questions as these orders/decisions come from the top down. I don't know what else to say.

BoundaryGirl3939 · 16/03/2025 07:10

I also think that mental institutions are places in which vulnerable people can be abused by bad people. Obviously there are good people everywhere but they are prey for others (just like foster homes, industrial schools in times gone by etc).

BoundaryGirl3939 · 16/03/2025 07:11

But I don't think you'll get the truth as if something sinister happened, they will protect each other (as has happened in the past).

AusMumhere · 16/03/2025 07:28

BoundaryGirl3939 · 16/03/2025 07:11

But I don't think you'll get the truth as if something sinister happened, they will protect each other (as has happened in the past).

Not helpful to the OP at all

BoundaryGirl3939 · 16/03/2025 07:31

AusMumhere · 16/03/2025 07:28

Not helpful to the OP at all

So what do you suggest? Bar telling the OP she is unwell and needs to get medical help.

AusMumhere · 16/03/2025 07:33

BoundaryGirl3939 · 16/03/2025 07:31

So what do you suggest? Bar telling the OP she is unwell and needs to get medical help.

Not fuelling her paranoia, for a start

BoundaryGirl3939 · 16/03/2025 07:43

How do you know it's paranoia? You don't know the full facts, do you?

Regretsmorethanafew · 16/03/2025 08:05

BoundaryGirl3939 · 16/03/2025 07:43

How do you know it's paranoia? You don't know the full facts, do you?

It's patently obvious.