New boyfriend won't dine out. Ever.

[Beautifulbouquet]

I've started seeing someone. He told me yesterday that he doesn't like dining out. Ever.

He would rather I cook or he cooks and if the relationship continues will apparently never go out for brunch or lunch or dinner with me.

I could of course dine out with friends without him. He would not come for example to any meal with friends he was invited to.

His reason is he is vegan and he says he doesn't trust chefs not to contaminate his food.

I honestly feel like saying I cannot see this relationship going anywhere.

It does when you're on your high horse about "contamination" when you are drinking non-vegan beer that would take 10 seconds of googling to find out if it was vegan or nor.

Verrrrrry rigid thinking. Plus the not wearing different clothes and the possible sensory overload of different foods or a shower? Screams neurodivergence.

So what, though? A diagnosis of autism isn’t going to make his behaviour any less annoying. A life of never being able to eat in restaurants with your boyfriend is joyless whether he’s autistic or not.

😂So true. I cannot think of anything less sexy than a man eating a tofu sandwich.

Oh OP this isn’t sustainable long term. This will only be the tip of the iceberg, and it will only be a matter of time before the hints at you becoming vegan will begin to creep in. If it goes the distance and you marry, imagine the mealtime hassles and the effect on any children. Being vegan is a lifestyle choice, but it shouldn’t limit his life like this - it’s bordering on paranoia.

I'm worried if I say it's the eating out thing he'll say we can go out (then probably it will never happen or he'll go and not order anything)

You don’t have to give him any reason other than that the relationship isn’t working for you.

He will suck the joy out of your life. Not because he is vegan. Because is a sucker-of-joy.

RUN!!

Does anyone remember an article in 'Woman's Own' from the 90s, about a guy who'd collect and store his own bellybutton fluff?

I can picture his skinny, pale frame with huge rimmed glasses.

For some reason, until the knowledge about OPs boyfriend came into my life, I'd forgotten all about him.

He sounds odd. Don't date odd. You can do much better than odd.

Can you all stop saying this?!

I'm a lesbian but on behalf of my lovely, fun-having non-fosters-drinking happy-to-eat-out-clean-kitchen-having non-cold-tofu-sandwich-eating vegan friends, we don't want him!

To be fair,I've dated only one Foster's drinker and she was an absolute cunt so I can apply this to them too. But I am fantastic in bed, thank you very much. 😂

It read to me as if she'd just began stating he was gay with a view to saying 'And me and him would text....' to avoid being confusing, and then changed her paragraph, rather than judging someone for being gay.

Sounds like a bore (not because he is vegan but because he won't eat out). Has he even ruled out vegan restaurants?

Wetherspoons are fantastic for vegans IME. Lots of options and has been since long before veganism was a popular belief.

I love casual dining and would love to support more independent places rather than the likes of spoons and chains but they're unfortunately yet to catch up.

The germophobic thing can also be an autism trait-if this dude doesn't have ASD I'll show my as$ in Harrod's window. Not saying anything BAD about those with ASD of course! But the rigidity and same clothes etc.. just screams it.

Oooh, it'd be an absolute no for me.

Oh dear. Is there any pleasant, normal, sociable, life-enhancing activity that your boyfriend actually enjoys?

Being in Antifa is a GOOD thing! It literally means "anti-fascist".

Drinking beer?

Oh come on... Don't you read beyond the dictionary definition...?

Non vegan beer apparently 🤣

Would he go to a vega restaurant? Stay in a vegan b&b? If no then there’s no hope, it’s not about contamination

Well yeah I thought so. He hasn't been an active protester for 7 years but yes he used to organise and attend protests against fascism, repressive laws, racism etc

He's committed to his causes and I admire that.

It's when it spills over into calling my cupboards racist (which he's done at least 10 times) or not wanting to do anything ever (I even suggested a litter pick one day...it was a sunny day...beautiful country lanes...and free...but he didn't want to) that it just feels like an excuse to not participate in the relationship fully.

He's texted in the last half hour all cheery and asking how I'm doing.

I've replied cheery enough. I just want it to fizzle out really. I do not want another intense discussion.

Thank you for this post. I too feel sad saying this but without being ableist because I am sure there are perfect partners out there for people with ASD however presenting, but I dated someone with ASD for a few years and her presentation of it was so, so hard for me that it did me quite a lot of damage-I should have walked away much, much earlier to enable her (and me!) to find someone more suited. Please take heed OP.

..calling my cupboards racist (which he's done at least 10 times)...

So it wasn't a one-off, brain fart comment? He legitimately thinks not putting your soy sauce with your guacamole, or your Thai green curry with your ketchup is racist - the mind boggles 🤯😖

As I've previously said, having been vegan since the beginning of time (well, over twenty years) never once have I met a vegan who won't eat out. Even back in the 'Chips and salad/beans and baked potato or nothing' days.

Veganism is 'take the path of least harm' and 'As is practically possible'. We can't worry about every little thing any more than a Christian worries about doing something 'wrong' (wearing mixed fabrics, not going to church every day) does.

I swallowed a fly yesterday while out running. A takeaway once sent me meat bhajis by mistake and I bit into one. I once unknowingly made a cake with weevils in the flower and of course must've killed them all. Non-vegan products are in most electricals-I am not worried about it. I do my best and that's all anybody can ever ask of anyone.

In the early days, I'd sometimes enter a dinner party, bring my own wine but if the host thrust one into my hand upon arrival I'd drink it out of being polite, too. Now with more choices that isn't such an issue any longer but again, I didn't beat myself up about it.