To ask what really combats misogyny? What can I do?

[seriouslysara]

Feeling miserable and angry after recent news stories, a sentence that's always true probably but right now I mean the vile cowardly man who took the lives of three loved and innocent women and the popularity of that awful content creator.

What can people do to make a difference and reduce violent misogyny? What actually helps? Are there examples of things in other countries that work or make it worse?

Here's everything I can think of:

1. Donate to refuges and campaigners
2. Raise these issues with our children and check what they're accessing online
3. Be a listening ear to friends in the hope they'd tell you if they were at risk
4. Campaign for better policing (new or different laws?)
5. Help spread useful resources and accurate info
6. Call out misogyny when I see it and when it's safe to
7. Try to support women owned businesses so more women have capital
8. Support organizations that give young people have opportunities so they're not radicalized?
9. Book self defense classes for our girls and their friends?

I want to direct my anger somewhere to something positive. A law to campaign to change? A cause to raise money for? An action of support or resistance? A career change to help people?

Genuine question. What can I do? What can we do?

• support female owned restaurants or restaurants led by female chefs

• make sure your money goes into women's pockets: solicitors architects cleaners etc I make sure to hire women whenever I can

• connect women as much as possible, share contacts and have a network building mindset. female networks are powerful for everything from child care to career opportunities

• adapt to micro feminist language in everyday life: when I address a man and a woman, always say her name first, I make sure to call out female colleagues skills with words like impressive or strategic and always highlight their leadership skills.

• when I talk to young girls / friends children I always try to find a moment when they are brave or strong or clever and really highlight that moment with praise and a chat about it.

• support female owned brands, like you say, directing money in female pockets makes a huge change

• go on IMDB and give a high rating for films directed or produced by woman (if I like the film) not enough female voters there I think.

• research forgotten female achievements, books like Femina – A New History of the Middle Ages, Through the Women Written Out of It

sorry i missed you directed it more to a specific case of violence against women. I was thinking more generally. I missed the case you are referencing.

Men learn these attitudes from other men.

That's not to say we don't have influence, we do, we have to act like we are worthy of respect and take zero bullshit.

But ultimately, it's their problem to solve.

Be part of the change - volunteer as a magistrate / join the police / become a teacher or other voluntary support.

Stand up and make your voice heard when you see and hear it.

Put your money where your mouth is- refuse to spend money in places and stop supporting people who refuse to change

Social media report posts which encourage it and unfollow. Then complain to companies who support them / sponsor them. Every time.

Ask the men in your life to get their house in order. This is something men need to be angry about and need they need to be challenging other men about their misogyny.

I don't think this is the only thing but honestly I feel like it's a constant battle for us and we need men to be on board.

agree

If you have boys teach them not to be misogynistic.

Teen Dd shocked at the misogynistic rage of teenage boys when girls however gently dare to end a relationship. These are “nice” middle class boys. Sure their parents have no idea.

We need men to call out misogyny when they see it. Unfortunately this is not a problem that women can solve. It has to come from men. Men need to create the change.

I spend a lot of time repeating myself again and again to male friends and colleagues and trying to impress upon them that it's not enough to just not be sexist. If you're a man and your friends or colleagues are telling sexist jokes, being inappropriate to women at work, talking in a disrespectful way about women, parroting the Tate brothers etc and you just sit there and do nothing, as a man who is not oppressed by those attitudes, then you are actively supporting the continuation of a culture whereby that is acceptable and tolerated.

I don’t think misogyny will ever stop. I think expecting it to is unrealistic. I feel like the model of feminism we currently follow is inherently flawed and will result in nothing but a frustrating and endless struggle. I have some ideas about a new model but doubt anyone will be interested because I fully expect what I have just written to provoke outrage!

Call out the small things and don't be shy. If someone says 'Oh it doesn't matter', 'Oh it's just banter', let them know it is not 'overreacting', it all starts with the 'small things' being allowed because people feel awkward carrying them out.

Point out power relations, eg no, it's not some superpower that a woman could 'get what she wants' through sex - look at it the other way; it just means men are the gatekeepers to power and are much more likely to be able demand sex from women for favours than a woman is to 'choose' to have sex with a man she hates to get somewhere. 99% of the time it's exploitation by the man, not the woman. And also the man could promise a woman something in return for sex, get the sex he wants and not even come through - who can she complain to about that? No one. Because the man is the one with the power.

I agree with you. Ultimately, men have a biological advantage over women in terms of physical strength and in terms of reproduction (i.e. the way that humans reproduce does not render men vulnerable in the way that it does for women). However many laws we put in place, women will always live with the reality that men are a threat to them in a primal way and that women do not represent that threat to men in return. Every aspect of society is built on that foundation.

I also don't think it will ever stop. Men will always view women in a sexual way and have a desire to overpower them. Obviously we must push back wherever we can. I just think it will always exist.

What’s ‘flawed’ about expecting sex equality?

I think that too. I think the only thing to do is make strict rules and laws that protect women and society enforces them. Why all the self ID nonsense was so dangerous chipping away at the bare minimum protections we have for the benefit of a minimum of men. And women cheering it on. Clueless.

Nothing. But I didn’t say it was did I?

I agree. Our whole model relies on male benevolence. It doesn’t need to.

Totally agree with this.

This is where the rot of the male mind begins. You've got to catch them young before it's too late.

DD is horrified at the language teenage boys use to refer to girls in school. In general, not just when ending relationships.

She's developed a severe aversion to boys and men as a class. I half heatedly remind her that not all boys are like that. She's identified 5 decent boys. In a cohort of 250 year 11s! Obviously, she doesn't actually know them all, but you get the gist.

I don't want our female children to go through life full of fear, or disgust at half of humanity. But I'd rather they were safe. And alive.

I don't agree and feel this attitude contributes to radicalisation. We don't expect ethnic minorities to police one another's behaviour if a crime is committed and say its the business of innocent people within their community to deal with do we?

This was an unintended consequence of women insisting that men and women were equal and interchangeable.

Ante natal Parenting classes. The first 1000 days in a child’s life are crucial.

Actually loads of people do expect exactly this. Every time there's a terrorist attack by a radicalised Muslim, plenty of people rush to blame all Muslims, expect them to take responsibility and demand to know why they aren't marching on the streets in protest.

Many men feel they are owed a wife/girlfriend slave. They see women as lesser vessels for their own gratification and reproduction. I have an idea how to fix it but many many people would not like it.

And I would disagree with them too?

What's your point?

Either you agree that innocents belonging to an identity group bear some responsibility or not, which is it?