I think my son is gay

[YeahYeahYeahsFan]

Don't know what to do about my son, what would you do!
I would be completely okay with whatever happens. As a bit of background, we come from a strictly religious family (Catholic.) I am not homophobic AT ALL, I have countless gay friends whom I have no prejudice against.
It's my son that I'm worried about; he struggles with feelings of shame and inadequacy as part of this religion and I know that even the thought of being gay would make him distraught and give him so many unmanageable emotions. I also believe he has a crush on his close (male) friend who we've known for years. The crush is quite obvious to me (perhaps that's because I'm his mother!) but I think he's in denial. Recently, I overheard what sounded like prayer in his bedroom in between him sobbing and asking for repentance and forgiveness for, presumably, his sexuality. I feel so so sorry for him. I know he doesn't have any issues with other people being gay, but if it were him I think he would feel shattered.

I've made the fact that I am not homophobic and I will always love him blatantly clear. My question is, AIBU to suspect this? Am I overthinking??!!! Also what would you do!!!
Many thanks😁

How old is he?

I can understand why your son may feel very conflicted if you are a practising catholic and also say you are not homophobic as the Catholic Church is very clear on its views on homosexuality.

All you can do for your son is make it clear that you love him and support him regardless of what your religion and wider family may think.

Chill out and let him discover himself. This will probably be the least important thing about him.

You don't need to do anything about your son, you need to do something about the people in his life who are making him feel shame for who he is.

I can't understand why any parent would raise their kid in an environment that runs the risk of making them feel this way. Surely part of your role as a parent is not letting bullies destroy your kid's self esteem?

Just accept.him for who he is .

My family are Catholic. I'm not. When I was 16 my 17 year old cousin came out. The way the church reacted was disgusting and although I know my auntie loved him it caused a rift, as she was forced into a situation where she felt she had to choose the church. That was the late 1980's. It appalled me. Me and my cousin remain close and he is now happily married to his partner.

Don't choose the church. Other faiths are kinder, if still misguided. Support your son. It means everything. No child should feel a faith hates them.

In contrast, my dd came out at 17 to me. My responsewas, "Thanks for telling me, fancy a curry?" And we went out for a meal. She is not crying in her room. She's trying to get me to buy tickets to Reading to see Chappell Roan and we're taking a carload of her friends to gay pride this year.

Your heart is telling you.

https://www.inclusive-church.org/church-directory/

How old is your DS? Also, how attached is he to his faith?

I think both make a difference to how I'd react.

Agree with this I was brought Up Catholic so understand the Catholic " guilt" I'm very lapsed now
There's no way I would want my Son crying in his bedroom feeling guilty
My nephew came out to his mum my sister a couple of years ago and she reacted much the same as you.

Leave the homophobic religion.

Pope Francis has made very positive announcements about LGBT folk. I wouldn't worry too much about the Catholic Church attitude. Show anyone who is negative this.....

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/jan/25/pope-francis-calls-for-end-to-anti-gay-laws-and-lgbtq-welcome

Why’s he feeling guilty? What kind of church are you attending, one where a priest is lecturing about gay people ? At a school where this comes up?
If so - change that immediately- your son shouldn’t be getting a gay is bad message from anywhere.

Easier said than done, but I was Catholic, church, school, the litbhad orettt much given up on the whole think by 15/16 because of the latent hypocrisy

I think she does but is concerned his attachment to the religion is causing emotional conflict.

I don’t know what to advise. On the one hand if his religion brings him happiness and comfort great, but not if it makes him unhappy. Do you all go to church? Is it a big part of your life?

how old is he?
all you can do is be supportive. I was brought up catholic too - an intolerant, guilt inducing, shame inducing, hypocritical, abusive, judgmental, unkind and unsupportive so called 'religion'.

He is not his faith. you have obviously brought him up as a catholic so it really is for you to tell him that it is ok if he is gay. It does not matter. the catholic church is not the be all and end all of everything - which he obviously thinks?

It saddens me that in 2025 children are still being brought up in a religion to feel shame and guilt just for being themselves.

It is 2025. Is who our adult children sleep with an issue as long as they are all consenting adults

another good reason to loathe religion.
Why have you brought him up to have respect / fear for this nonsense?
Tell him you've come to your senses, it's all a load of bollocks and some priest's opinion on who he's attracted to is absolutely irrelevant to his life.
How would "the church" know anyway? Tell him to keep away from it and enjoy his real life,

You and me can drive the rainbow bus to hell together x2boys! Catholic guilt can do one. I always think it's so wrong that a religion that venerates a woman for what she does to care for her child can't see that a)children need protection not abuse and b) a mothers love is enough- screw your rules about who can love who.

I was helped in throwing off my catholic guilt by thewonderful 90s scene and Sinead O Connor back then.

I couldn't continue to attend an organisation and subscribe to their beliefs if they caused my child pain. Up until this point the Catholic church's views on homosexuality were an abstract concept to you, and you've employed a dose of cognitive dissonance. Now you have a strong suspicion they are directly impacting on your family. I don't see how you can continue to be a catholic. And I think you should say to your family that you've reconsidered your religion and find the Catholic churches views on issues such as homosexuality to be wrong. Have a frank discussion about the pros and cons of the faith with your son and anyone else in your family. Then, find a different denomination of Christianity, go to a different church and find a different path to God. You personally lead the change to allow your son to accept himself

Yeah, sorry op but this

I grew up in church and left at 16 - not gay but was sick of the homophobia

They brought this clearly gay man to preach about how he has been cured 😭😭 - his wife looked exhausted

I pray now and believe in God, but a religion like this wouldn't be for me

I would leave and find a more liberal church x

I wouldn't exactly call this a 'very positive' messge especially if you were a gay teenager who has been told they are going to hell (but not prison!)...

'On Tuesday, Francis said there needed to be a distinction between a crime and a sin with regard to homosexuality. Church teaching holds that homosexual acts are sinful, or “intrinsically disordered”, but that gay people must be treated with dignity and respect.
Francis articulated the position: “It’s not a crime. Yes, but it’s a sin. Fine, but first let’s distinguish between a sin and a crime.” '

Edited to add, I hope your reply and linked article was sarcastic and I just missed that on first reading! 🙄

it's really not difficult
you think to yourself " bloody hell, why am i going along with this made up bullshit".
Then you stop going to church and try not to think about it any more

I agree Pope Francis has made strides, but I wouldn't rule out a snap right again once hes gone. And lets not forget, the strides forward are really only baby steps.

Disgusting attitude but sadly like most religion

I can't understand why any parent would raise their kid in an environment that runs the risk of making them feel this way.

I agree.

Bit daft to type all that out and not include his age.