I think my son is gay

[YeahYeahYeahsFan]

Don't know what to do about my son, what would you do!
I would be completely okay with whatever happens. As a bit of background, we come from a strictly religious family (Catholic.) I am not homophobic AT ALL, I have countless gay friends whom I have no prejudice against.
It's my son that I'm worried about; he struggles with feelings of shame and inadequacy as part of this religion and I know that even the thought of being gay would make him distraught and give him so many unmanageable emotions. I also believe he has a crush on his close (male) friend who we've known for years. The crush is quite obvious to me (perhaps that's because I'm his mother!) but I think he's in denial. Recently, I overheard what sounded like prayer in his bedroom in between him sobbing and asking for repentance and forgiveness for, presumably, his sexuality. I feel so so sorry for him. I know he doesn't have any issues with other people being gay, but if it were him I think he would feel shattered.

I've made the fact that I am not homophobic and I will always love him blatantly clear. My question is, AIBU to suspect this? Am I overthinking??!!! Also what would you do!!!
Many thanks😁

nooooooo.
Leave that church and don't join another,
I'm always amazed that people actually believe this sky fairy stuff when it's obviously bonkers mental

It's not positive though, is it?
The RC Church teaches that homosexual feelings aren't a sin, but acting on them is.
He hasn't contradicted it, has he?

OP, if it were me I'd ditch the religion and help my son rid himself of these feelings of guilt and shame.

He should be having the time of his life, trying new things, experimenting, figuring out who he is!

How old is he... 12 , 20? surely his age is relevant.

Hmmmm 🤨

This is what happens when you bring your child up in such a religion, why are you confused that bringing him up Catholic has resulted in shame of being gay? He will probably need therapy with someone who understands the insidiousness of being brought up in such a way.

It sounds awful that he might feel terrible Shame and fear being ridiculed or shunned by members of his religion because he may be gay?

I would urge him to distance himself from this group of people if they are so prejudiced.

As we all know, being gay in the 21st century is a protected characteristic. It's illegal to discriminate against people for their sexuality.

He may be fully gay, like both, or just be experimental. All of which are fine and private unless he wishes to discuss it.

You don't need to push him to talk about it but just be supportive.

The only thing you have to do is support him. Be there for him, listen to him, help him work through his feelings, with professional help if needed

Think its advised not to ask him if he's gay, as people shouldn't be outed before they're ready

But you could say he sounded distressed and you wonder if you can help

Surely his reaction isn’t a surprise when you chose to make sure he felt that way due to the upbringing you chose to give him. Its also odd to claim you aren’t homophobic, yet choose to be part of a huge homophobic organisation.

This. Big piece of info missing from the OP

Just be there to support him, whatever he might be going through.

If he is gay, then you may not believe yourself to be homophobic but by continuing to associate with an organisation which has incredlibly backwards views is not going to help, and would have doubtless contributed in a huge manner towards how he feels. If you want to help him, you need to leave the catholic church and all it's bullshit completely behind.

If the son's praying, it seems he believes in and practices the religion, regardless of whether other family members do. What OP does is unlikely to have much impact on what he believes.

Are there any support groups for gay Catholics or other gay Christian groups you could get in touch with?

Ensure he knows that you'd accept him, love him, whatever his sexuality.

Yes this.

Could be worse, he could be a paedophile like many in the Cathomic church.

It's one of reasons I'm no longer practicing it was the sheer hypocrisy telling people it was sin to act upon their feelings of attraction to a same sex person
Paticularly when you think of all the atrocities the Catholic clergy have committed thst got brushed aside.

Do you have a male partner/husband? It may be worth thinking about if you raise your concerns with him only if you feel he would be supportive? Try to find opportunities (or engineer them!) to discuss aspects of the religion. Or issues relating to sexual orientation, it will give you an opportunity to input your stance on this and may help him to feel that he would have your support (and ideally immediate family) Well done you anyway for picking up on this, my son told me he was dating another young man, who he had recently introduced as "a friend" I gave him a hug and said how pleased I was for him. He took a while before he wanted to disclose to my husband etc. Felt a bit sad when he told me he had been aware of these feelings since age 14yrs.

Why hell is more fun!

This Daniel Foxx is great. I love the idea of a Hell with George Michael cocktail parties.

Make it very clear that you abhor homophobia in any religion and God loves everyone.

I left Christianity after finding so much about it was not loving and I’m so glad I did.

Your son isnt the problem, your family and church are. They're the ones that need to learn about treating people with respect. And if you are truly going to support your son, you need to be prepared to ditch them if attitudes don't change.

Did you read the OP's post?

@ScholesPanda He’s 15. And he’s quite attached as the dedication to this belief has been embedded into him by my sister who we no longer speak to…

@Dramatic I have. My husband has. Our close family has. My son is very attached, however, and won’t leave the religion.

Just one of the many, many reasons religion is shit.