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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To help a friend with their house purchase?

158 replies

DoNoTakeNo · 12/03/2025 17:17

He is likely to be divorcing in the next few months & doesn't have the finances available to buy the family home (no kids involved) to which he is really emotionally attached.

I believe he is short by around £100k which DH & I are lucky enough to have.

WIBU to help him out?
And would a straight loan be better than jointly buying the house with him? FWIW he is self employed in a steady business & we've known him for over a decade.
I want to help him, he is genuinely a good man, but I'm not prepared to risk my kids inheritance!

(Sorry I don't know how to enable voting from the app.)

OP posts:
Whatsitreallylike · 12/03/2025 17:18

When you say he doesn’t have the finances to buy, is that because he needs a deposit or because the bank would consider the repayments beyond his reach?

I imagine the latter, in which case it would be a non option for me.

Lipstickandlashes · 12/03/2025 17:19

Don’t do it. You would absolutely be risking your kids’ inheritance, as in either scenario you stand the lose the balance if he chooses not to repay.

You sound like a lovely person, but unless you’re prepared to write the cash off, I’d find other ways to support him.

PussInBin20 · 12/03/2025 17:19

No. Don’t mix business with pleasure as they say. It’ll end in tears. Money does funny things to people.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 12/03/2025 17:20

Jesus Christ, YABU.

Do not give away this money.

Mulledjuice · 12/03/2025 17:20

If he needs a mortgage to buy his ex out then you will have to confirm to them that it is a gift not a loan.

How then can you be sure he will repay you?

TwattyMcFuckFace · 12/03/2025 17:20

Errrrm no.

And there's no such thing as self employed in a steady business.

They're all steady until they go tits up, or the owner has an accident/illness or something.

IsawwhatIsaw · 12/03/2025 17:21

That’s a huge sum of money. I would never give that to someone it’s a huge risk .

Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 12/03/2025 17:21

Don’t do it

pickywatermelon · 12/03/2025 17:21

No. And that amount is way too much.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 12/03/2025 17:23

Mulledjuice · 12/03/2025 17:20

If he needs a mortgage to buy his ex out then you will have to confirm to them that it is a gift not a loan.

How then can you be sure he will repay you?

This ^^

Even if there was some way of working it out circumstances can change and the ability to repay along with them, so I wouldn't even consider this ... quite apart from everything else I wouldn't want to risk losing a friend over money

Snowpaw · 12/03/2025 17:24

Would you be able to buy the house yourselves and he pay you rent to live in it?
I think that's the only possible situation I'd consider.

Overitallnow · 12/03/2025 17:25

You would be mad to do this.

Coconutter24 · 12/03/2025 17:25

No I wouldn’t because you would be risking your kids inheritance.

ShodAndShadySenators · 12/03/2025 17:26

I wouldn't.

I'd feel sorry for him as it's not nice to lose something you'd rather keep hold of. But ultimately, a house is just a house. Sure he wants this particular one, but in truth any house in the right location will do.

I think you'd be daft to do it. That's not pennies either, imagine losing it if he decides he's not paying you back? (It might seem wildly unlikely but you never know people as well as you think you do.) And it's not just your kids' inheritance, it's money you might need to live on one day.

LordGaGaisasahd · 12/03/2025 17:27

A fool and their money is soon parted.

How will you explain to your kids the loss of their inheritance when they need to get on the ladder.

Don't be a mug, this is foolish in the extreme.

workshy46 · 12/03/2025 17:29

Unless you are prepared to write it off don't. It is just far too easy to wriggle out of debt like this if he wants to. Friendship over and you are a 100K poorer. Only give him what you can afford to gift.. that way if he pays back great but if not you are prepared

BlumminFreezin · 12/03/2025 17:29

Madness.

I could imagine doing this for a friend if they were a very good, reliable friend and it was £10k. A figure that could be repaid within a few years.

£100k...you're basically giving him a mortgage. Even if it all went well. It could well take him 20 years to pay you back and you'd lose a shit load of interest over the years.

Nameftgigb · 12/03/2025 17:31

You are utterly foolish for even considering this. Has he even asked you for the money?

CoastalCalm · 12/03/2025 17:32

Absolutely not , if he can't service a mortgage for the £100k then he is likely to have at least intermittent issues with repaying you based on his cash flow etc - recipe for end of a friendship and loss of money

hoodiemassive · 12/03/2025 17:34

Even if you gifted the money, he would be living in a house he can't afford. Recipe for disaster in so many ways.

cestlavielife · 12/03/2025 17:35

If you can afford to lose 100k goright ahead
I guess you are a million a year earner?

TweezerMay · 12/03/2025 17:36

Mulledjuice · 12/03/2025 17:20

If he needs a mortgage to buy his ex out then you will have to confirm to them that it is a gift not a loan.

How then can you be sure he will repay you?

Going through a similar thing at the moment, a family member loaning us money towards our deposit.

If you ‘gift’ it, it cannot be paid back. It’s a gift.

If you ‘loan’ it, very few mortgage lenders will make up the difference. Only one, in our case, will give us a mortgage for the rest.

You might also need a declaration of trust drawn up or a loan agreement that will lay out what the situation is and what happens if things go wrong.

JustFeedMeCake · 12/03/2025 17:36

There's a saying . A fool and their money are easily parted. Don't do it, obviously!

Kim5678 · 12/03/2025 17:37

The general advice is to never lend more than you are happy to lose. I've heard too many stories of friendships and even family relationships going sour over money. This is a huge amount of money that presumably the mortgage companies have deemed him unable to pay back. Buying a house with him would make things complicated down the road and throws up way too many "what ifs". In short, I wouldn't consider this at all

WonkyDonkeyWonkeyDonkey · 12/03/2025 17:38

A decade! That’s no time at all to be giving someone ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND POUNDS!

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