To help a friend with their house purchase?

[DoNoTakeNo]

He is likely to be divorcing in the next few months & doesn't have the finances available to buy the family home (no kids involved) to which he is really emotionally attached.

I believe he is short by around £100k which DH & I are lucky enough to have.

WIBU to help him out?
And would a straight loan be better than jointly buying the house with him? FWIW he is self employed in a steady business & we've known him for over a decade.
I want to help him, he is genuinely a good man, but I'm not prepared to risk my kids inheritance!

(Sorry I don't know how to enable voting from the app.)

Stay out of it. Emotional support only.

Blimey, that's more money than my parents gave me and I'm their favourite* daughter!

(*Only)

You'd be absolutely crazy to even consider this even if he's the most honourable man on the planet.

Heaven forbid of course, what if he died? Or became injured / incapable of earning money to repay you?

Oooh , are you Michael Sheen?

If not, don’t be daft!

My father in law lent £250k to a friend who then pissed off and never gave it back. Did this when his kids were little. Kids are now adults and really resent the fact he put a friend above their financial security as they all now struggle financially. Dad basically can’t say no and thinks money makes you likeable but don’t trust anyone when it comes to money.

DH & friend knew / knows nothing about it at all. When I was considering it. But I'm not now!
I really must ask the hive mind to ask me when I have more thoughts.
Thank you x

PS I'm happy to be thought of as kind. That's the big plus for me from this.

Emotionally attached to a house? He needs to grow up. Sounds like he’s saying that shit to manipulate you. He can’t afford to be emotionally attached

A wise friend once said to me that he never loans money, he gives it. That way there is no expectation of having it paid back. But £100k is a lot to give and it sounds as if you have other plans for that money.

Don't.

@DoNoTakeNo do you have a history of being overly generous at a cost to yourself?
As I said upthread, your unsolicited 'help' would've just enabled him. He is a grownup who can look after himself.

Lol

You made my night. I’m so happy you decided against. Yay

Interesting question & one I'll think about. Thank you.
Not gonna do it though.

If you are willing to give a way £100k go ahead.

It’s not worth the heartache it will cause your family. His house needs to be sold, and he needs to buy, rent something else.

You don’t have to save him, much as you might like to.

It could have dreadful consequences for your own life, if he was unable or unwilling to repay the money.

Imagine he became bankrupt, you would lose the money.

There is a reason that he’s coming to you for the money, he’s not able to borrow it elsewhere as he is a poor risk.

I can’t believe it would even cross your mind. Use that money for your kids.

I'd consider it if I was filthy rich - say 20 million plus.
But if this is your kids' inheritance and you're not sitting on millions then it'd be a no from me too.

On no account help him out. Lending money to friends (and family) is a terrible idea. So many things can lead to you not getting it back. Countless friendships and families have been torn apart by loans that have turned into gifts. (By all means give him the money of you want to).

No, no, and no. Even with a family it turns difficult.
Congratulations, DoNoTakeNo, I hope you are going to keep to your word and not do it.

Hi,

if that is your kids inheritance then don’t do it.

very, very bad idea. But it is nice you thought about it!

Sounds a bit crazy. At some point he might decide his friendship with you is worth less than 100k.

Better off giving him 6 months rent up front on a small property for him and his kids.

Don't buy for or with him. He cant afford it!

Well done on your decision OP.
Imagine he remarries and divorces before paying you back, that's at least 50% gone.

I had a friend offer me a house deposit but turned it down. As much as I would have wanted to pay it back, circumstances can change and I didn't want to be beholden to them or live with the guilt of not being able to pay back.

Would have soured the friendship too, which is still going.

The best you can do is be there for him.

Never lend what you can't afford to give.

Your heart is in the right place and you are a wonderful friend BUT If you can afford to kiss your $100k away then by all means lend it but if you can't don't.

There's an old but true saying. "If you want to keep a friend, never borrow and never lend".
What would happen if he couldn't afford repayments on mortgage and house got re-possessed? You've lot your money, what if he died (people do, at any age) who would get the house? Again, you'd loose your money. If it were £5,000 I'd risk it but £100,000 no way. Sorry he can't afford the house, so can't have it.

Cancel the cheque OP

Please don’t do this. How would you protect your equity?
What happens when you need your money back, he hasn’t repaid any/all of the loan? What if he doesn’t want to sell his precious house, can’t remortgage and refuses to entertain selling up?
Walk away from this idea. Save your friendship and your money by keeping them separate.