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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To help a friend with their house purchase?

158 replies

DoNoTakeNo · 12/03/2025 17:17

He is likely to be divorcing in the next few months & doesn't have the finances available to buy the family home (no kids involved) to which he is really emotionally attached.

I believe he is short by around £100k which DH & I are lucky enough to have.

WIBU to help him out?
And would a straight loan be better than jointly buying the house with him? FWIW he is self employed in a steady business & we've known him for over a decade.
I want to help him, he is genuinely a good man, but I'm not prepared to risk my kids inheritance!

(Sorry I don't know how to enable voting from the app.)

OP posts:
AndrinaAdamosballetshoes · 12/03/2025 18:02

Have you taken leave of your senses?

valderan · 12/03/2025 18:03

You are a lotto winner and looking to help others out right? 😊

MassiveOvaryaction · 12/03/2025 18:03

DDad always told me never lend what you can't afford/don't want to just give away. I did once and ended up regretting it. It was way less than the amount you're talking about.

In case it's not obvious, it's a no from me.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 12/03/2025 18:04

You'd be insane to do this.

Movinghouseatlast · 12/03/2025 18:04

Jesus Christ no, no, no. Unless you are a multi millionaire who can afford to lose it and not notice.

Mrsbloggz · 12/03/2025 18:05

That would be a hard NO from me!

ScienceFanGirl · 12/03/2025 18:06

Only if you don't mind never seeing that money again, and/or losing a friendship.

DrummingMousWife · 12/03/2025 18:06

You are very kind - but hell no!! Do not do this.
money loans end friendships.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 12/03/2025 18:07

No fucking way.

About 20 years ago we helped a really really good friend qho was also relatedyto my husband with a house purchase, just a few grand.

Took us 3 years and started legal proceedings to get it back and we've never spoken since.

Like you we said he was a great bloke,he'd never let us down etc Even he was family there's no way he would do anything to hurt us

Ha. That man acted like we'd died when it came time to pay us back. We were ghosts he could neither see nor hear.

Don't find out the hard way how people you love andtrust fuck you over over cash.

If you're going to do it, do it for a share of the house. He can buy you out later.

AngelinaFibres · 12/03/2025 18:07

We gave both our sons £18,000 each which they chose to use towards house deposits. As part of the buying process we had to send a letter to the mortgage company to confirm that the money was a gift, we didn't expect to get it back and we understood we had no claim whatsoever on the house. You would have to do the same Op. Are you gifting that man £100,000.

Devianinc · 12/03/2025 18:10

Pineapplewaves · 12/03/2025 17:57

He's a single man with no commitments, he needs to sell the house and buy somewhere that he can afford. Lots of people are emotionally attached to things but it doesn't mean they get to keep/have them.

You would have to jointly own the house with him. What if he doesn’t pay his share of the mortgage? You'd be liable for the whole of it? What if you need the money back in five years time and he still can't afford to buy you out? You'd have to force him to sell the house he's emotionally attached to. How and when do you see yourself getting the money back? You would be second home owners so there are additional costs to go with that.

I wouldn't do it.

And what’s with being emotionally attached to house. That’s just absurd and it’s time for him to grow up buy his own house with his money and then he can get emotionally attached to the house that he can afford. It’s not a stuffed animal. You don’t get emotionally attached to a house. A person maybe. Don’t listen to his tiny weenie violin. Don’t let him manipulate you. He doesn’t even have kids that might make him emotionally attached to the house but he doesn’t.

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 12/03/2025 18:11

Whatever could go wrong......will

PinkArt · 12/03/2025 18:12

Do your mean that's £100k that no bank will risk lending him? Unless you have millions knocking about then yes, obviously that will be risking your kids future inheritance. Never lend money you aren't prepared to lose.

AngelinaFibres · 12/03/2025 18:12

Devianinc · 12/03/2025 18:10

And what’s with being emotionally attached to house. That’s just absurd and it’s time for him to grow up buy his own house with his money and then he can get emotionally attached to the house that he can afford. It’s not a stuffed animal. You don’t get emotionally attached to a house. A person maybe. Don’t listen to his tiny weenie violin. Don’t let him manipulate you. He doesn’t even have kids that might make him emotionally attached to the house but he doesn’t.

Show quote history

I know plenty of men who are emotionally attached to cars or motorbikes or porn. Never met a man who was emotionally attached to a house.

Welshwhales · 12/03/2025 18:13

NO, fast way to lose your kid’s inheritance and a friend .

Themaths · 12/03/2025 18:14

Disaster waiting to happen. Don't do it OP.

Dora33 · 12/03/2025 18:14

You would be extremely foolish to lend 100k.
Needing a 100k, isn't being short an amount to buy his house. Being short is needing £200 or £500.
Needing 100k means he definitely can't afford the house. He needs to take time to build up a deposit again.
I lent someone £10,000 once. It was a very stressful experience & look a long time to get it back. Would definitely not recommend lending any amount of money over £500.

HomeBodyClub · 12/03/2025 18:15

You would be very foolish. You’ll never see that money again.

He is a grown man. He can attach to a new house that HE can afford.

HomeBodyClub · 12/03/2025 18:16

I’ve known incredibly close friends vanish over a couple of hundred pound. There’s been many threads about lending small amounts to friends and they never see it again.

NameChangedForThis2025 · 12/03/2025 18:16

godmum56 · 12/03/2025 17:50

Are you multi millionaires and can you afford to gift him the money, not loan it? If not then not.

This.

But given you mention you’re worried about risking your kids inheritance I assume you’re not multi millionaires who can afford to lose 100k

HollaHolla · 12/03/2025 18:18

Nope. If it was £10k, I'd loan that to my very closest, oldest friends. But £100k, Not a chance.

JaynaJae · 12/03/2025 18:18

Snowpaw · 12/03/2025 17:24

Would you be able to buy the house yourselves and he pay you rent to live in it?
I think that's the only possible situation I'd consider.

Me too, if at all.

Maybe you could offer him first refusal if you were ever to sell.

RacingDriver · 12/03/2025 18:19

Okay, a different perspective from me.
It may be that if self-employed he can’t get a mortgage in which case you can loan him the money effectively as a mortgage yourself. That would mean you would have a charge attached to the property and therefore in theory your money is safe but you would have to force the sale of the house to get it back if you didn’t repay.

I’m not sure whether I would do that for a friend, but I have done it for family. In my case a solicitor to do up a contract which covers me if for any reason they couldn’t or wouldn’t. In my case the interest has been paid perfectly on time for four years and then at the point they could get their own mortgage the solicitor removed the charge and repaid balance owed.

KhakiOrca · 12/03/2025 18:20

Think of your kids who will know you all their life, not some man you've known for 10 years!

pinkdelight · 12/03/2025 18:20

If there's no children involved he doesn't need a whole house and can buy a place that he can afford. Honestly it's too much money to mix with friendship, don't go there.