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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To help a friend with their house purchase?

158 replies

DoNoTakeNo · 12/03/2025 17:17

He is likely to be divorcing in the next few months & doesn't have the finances available to buy the family home (no kids involved) to which he is really emotionally attached.

I believe he is short by around £100k which DH & I are lucky enough to have.

WIBU to help him out?
And would a straight loan be better than jointly buying the house with him? FWIW he is self employed in a steady business & we've known him for over a decade.
I want to help him, he is genuinely a good man, but I'm not prepared to risk my kids inheritance!

(Sorry I don't know how to enable voting from the app.)

OP posts:

Toddlerteaplease · 12/03/2025 17:38

No. That is a huge amount of money to loose.

Randomlygeneratedname · 12/03/2025 17:39

Absolutely not OP, do not do this, it is a huge risk to your kids inheritance. What if you need help further down the line but haven't been paid back yet?

If you buy into the house with him, there is a possibility you could increase your 100k but what if you need money and he doesn't want to sell? This would be a complete no go for me.

Motto I have lived with my whole life - never lend money you can't afford to lose.

Gardenyear · 12/03/2025 17:40

You probably won't be able to lend him the money - you'll have to declare it's a gift for him to get a mortgage for the rest.

I'd help a good friend if I could really spare the money but I'd have to be comfortable with the idea that I'm might never see it again. Lending money ruins friendships. Generally speaking I'd much rather give than lend money.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 12/03/2025 17:40

Something you didn't mention, OP, was whether this is entirely your idea or if he's asked/hinted for the ££££?

It would make no difference to my decision, but if it's the second that might say something about his attitude to other people's money

Ionut · 12/03/2025 17:41

Utter madness.

Put 100k and own that % of the house if you must.

But honestly? Step away.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 12/03/2025 17:42

Did he ask you ... or did you offer?
What does your DH think?

Are you a well funded bank?
You would be throwing away any financial security your family has.

What about when your children need deposits for their future housing... and he hasn't paid it back or only some of it. Or you have medical needs, care home needs for older relatives.

How long did it take you to earn these savings after tax?

EggBleater · 12/03/2025 17:42

You wouldn't be helping him with the money. You'd be enabling him.

Gardenyear · 12/03/2025 17:43

I'll admit my first thought was what exactly is the nature of your friendship, for you to be even considering it. What does DH think?

Gardenyear · 12/03/2025 17:43

I'll admit my first thought was what exactly is the nature of your friendship, for you to be even considering it. What does DH think?

Devianinc · 12/03/2025 17:43

DoNoTakeNo · 12/03/2025 17:17

He is likely to be divorcing in the next few months & doesn't have the finances available to buy the family home (no kids involved) to which he is really emotionally attached.

I believe he is short by around £100k which DH & I are lucky enough to have.

(Sorry I don't know how to enable voting from the app.)

Don’t do it. Ten years isn’t really that long of a friendship and things with money makes people weird and do weird things. I had a best friend borrow 500 with it being paid back by the the next week. I then didn’t hear from her for months. And I could afford not getting it back but it was principal of it all. She’s supposed be my friend and now she was ducking out. I called her after a year and told her if I didn’t get the money I would tell her husband. She came up with the money and I never did find out why she didn’t want him to know. But that taught me lesson I’ll never. Don’t mix money and friendship and really, you have your children’s future in your hands. Don’t let them down.

PuffinLord · 12/03/2025 17:44

It’s a terrible terrible idea.

You may well lose it all.

Ten years is nothing, you really can’t assume he will pay you back as you can’t possibly know him well enough.

For what it’s worth we lent £20k to a close friend in a similar scenario - been friends with him for 30 odd years, he was DH’s best man, his kids are my god daughters etc etc. He hasn’t paid back a penny and no longer replies to messages. Ultimately it turns out he’d rather keep the £20k than our friendship.

We can only get it back by going to court, and even then we’re not sure if he actually has it to give us.

mindutopia · 12/03/2025 17:45

No, absolutely not. If he can’t afford it, he can’t afford it.

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 12/03/2025 17:47

No don't do it. Don't mix business with pleasure.

What if the housing market crashes?

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 12/03/2025 17:48

You would be mad.
it’s wildly irresponsible when you have kids and…

if you don’t want to risk kids inheritance surely it’s an obvious no because lending it IS a risk …😵‍💫

Mellivora · 12/03/2025 17:50

Don’t be ridiculous. It’s a mega hard no from me.

godmum56 · 12/03/2025 17:50

Are you multi millionaires and can you afford to gift him the money, not loan it? If not then not.

FloofyKat · 12/03/2025 17:53

It’s a no from me, too.

JazbayGrapes · 12/03/2025 17:54

if you're Donald Trump, then do it. What's a 100K anyway. But as a normal person... are you mad?

AngelinaFibres · 12/03/2025 17:54

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 12/03/2025 17:47

No don't do it. Don't mix business with pleasure.

What if the housing market crashes?

What if he divorces then meets someone new who has children and they have more children together. He'll not pay a penny back and you'll be unable to take him to court because of all the children and how bad you will feel it will make you look. Never a borrower nor a lender be. He can buy a house that is within his means.

Londonrach1 · 12/03/2025 17:55

No. Never lend to friends and don't lend anything you can't afford to loose

WallaceinAnderland · 12/03/2025 17:56

Of course YABU. I can't believe you would even consider this.

If you have 100k to throw away, fair enough but if you want it back, not a chance.

Pineapplewaves · 12/03/2025 17:57

He's a single man with no commitments, he needs to sell the house and buy somewhere that he can afford. Lots of people are emotionally attached to things but it doesn't mean they get to keep/have them.

You would have to jointly own the house with him. What if he doesn’t pay his share of the mortgage? You'd be liable for the whole of it? What if you need the money back in five years time and he still can't afford to buy you out? You'd have to force him to sell the house he's emotionally attached to. How and when do you see yourself getting the money back? You would be second home owners so there are additional costs to go with that.

I wouldn't do it.

yeesh · 12/03/2025 17:58

WTF 🤣🙈

2022NewTimes · 12/03/2025 17:59

DoNoTakeNo · 12/03/2025 17:17

He is likely to be divorcing in the next few months & doesn't have the finances available to buy the family home (no kids involved) to which he is really emotionally attached.

I believe he is short by around £100k which DH & I are lucky enough to have.

(Sorry I don't know how to enable voting from the app.)

Nope no way !!!

GravyBoatWars · 12/03/2025 17:59

If he’s needing help from you then presumably he can’t get a loan from a bank.

So have you asked yourself why it would be remotely wise for you and your DH to lend this amount to him when the institutions who do that as their business won’t?

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