AIBU - Friend has 'stolen' party idea

[Homer28]

Hi,
As a family we often go to an adventure centre/party place around 75 mins drive from our home town so not local and never been invited to a party there before. Last year we did a party there at the centres waterpark for my daughters 10th birthday.

This same venue, which throws excellent parties and has lots of party options from bowling to waterpark etc and also has an aerial assault course but it has an age/height limit. My daughter has said for a couple of years that when everyone is 10/11+ she will do a party there as its cool/scary.

This year in December (party isn't until June) she asked if she could have her party there in June. Her dad was concerned that in theory its a brilliant day out but that people may be afraid of the heights/parents may be hesitant and it could not be as exciting as shes thinks.
I text another parent of two of her friends for a second opinion and she thought it was a cool idea (wasn't aware this existed) and her kids would love to go!.

Cue this month when she tells me she is booking this for her daughters party in April. I gently suggested that the two girls having the same party might be an issue as its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it and the parties will only be 8 weeks apart. She disagrees and thinks a party venue is open to all kids who wish to have their parties there.

I was pre empting the upset from my 10 year old who laments that shell be chastised by the class for 'copying' the first birthday girl and it takes the shine off her idea which has been brewing for a while.

AIBU to be annoyed?

YABU - You don't own a party idea!
YANBU - Its not cool to hear an idea from a friend and pip them to the post on it.

So: great that your dd can go to the copycat’s party and experience all that with the hosts paying.

I do think that taking the idea when you’d asked opinions is actually a bit skanky. Just a bit. I wouldn’t be upset about it, I’d move on and keep a mental note that the woman in question isn’t worried about upsetting people and clearly prioritises no1.

I kind of get why you’re a bit miffed but certainly wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of knowing that.

I’d frame it to your DD that they obviously thought it was such a great idea, they wanted it for their party as well, Then I’d leave it to your DD to decide whether she would still want to go for hers as well.

If you are prepared to travel that far, there must be somewhere else completely different that you could go that would be just as unusual and fun. I’d get googling and see what else your DD and friends might enjoy.

Quite.

Yes to this.

YABU, and you are also verging on being 'that mother'.

Don't let your child turn into the kind of girl who thinks everything she does or wears or listens to is part of a competition with others.

If it is a lot of fun the girls will surely love going twice.

Yes. And depending on how far in advance you have to book, it might turn out that a lot of them didn’t enjoy it or your daughter would prefer to pick a different activity. It might help your daughter to see the first party as a ‘trial run’.

Having said that, I don’t think this is an issue overall. I seem to remember as a kid lots of people having very similar parties to each other - fancy dress parties at home; ten pin bowling; parties at Wacky Warehouse. I don’t remember it mattering. If something is great, most kids will be happy to do it twice.

What I do remember from that age though is that the accusation of ‘copying’, whether clothing, music tastes or whatever was (hilariously) a form of social death. Oh the irony, given that most children that age all follow the same trends! I suppose it invokes such strong feelings because they are carving out an identity at ten. Not sure that can be solved though and probably best to advise your daughter to look at the positives, as others have said.

FGS. Yes, you can be a little miffed, but come on. Let the other girl have her party there. If everyone enjoys it, they'll welcome the opportunity to go again. If the ten year olds are so competitive and geared up to wanting to be the first to do something that doing it second isn't acceptable, then they're not the ten year old friends you really need.

This is satire. Right? Right?!

I don't think this is unreasonable at all- they've been underhand and think they would know that too. We all want to do nice things for our kids and they've seriously impacted something you wanted to do for yours.

Love all the 'helpful' suggestions here too- book yours earlier? It's for a birthday!

If all the invites have already gone out (so you can't get yours out first) I'd just book something else now, closer to home so you can have a sleepover as well. I imagine being 10 and being invited to a birthday group sleepover would be extremely cool.

Stealing someone else's idea (she found out directly from you after all) and doing it first is bad form in my book.

Exactly - for a lot of children, their birthday is the only time they feel the centre of attention, particularly if shy and quieter. I remember I barely got picked for things at school and I never won anything so birthday parties were that moment of feeling a bit special in front of your friends. So I totally get that having a party a bit different would be important to some children and why some other children wouldn’t care. I can also understand for the OP’s child why they might get upset as their friends might say they are ‘copying’. It is easy as adults to think how unimportant it is but for children this sort of thing can be important .

Have the party there and invite entirely different people. Sorted.

I'm surprised by the responses here! I have a 10 year old and she'd be sad if her idea was stolen (not if someone else genuinely thought of the same idea).

In your shoes I'd advance her birthday party to be first and send invites right away before the other mum (idea thief) can do anything about it.

“the two girls having the same party might be an issue as its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it” yabvu about this part 🙄 - how about teaching your kids that cool is about being yourself and being a good person rather than having the latest exciting or new thing, event or idea.

It is annoying when people steal your ideas (which clearly she did as was unaware of it before) so understand the irritation there but really, no one owns the idea of a party at a certain venue so keep it under wraps the next time you have a “cool” idea for scoring popularity points for your daughter.

I'm not sure I understand this post.
Should i only describe the feelings of 10 year olds with language used by 10 year olds?
I am an adult describing the situation.

I can understand why you are miffed, @Homer28 - the other mum and child have copied your idea, but because their party is first, the other kids may think it is you and your dd who have copied. It seems a bit thoughtless of the other mum.

@Homer28 i didn’t personally have the strong reaction to your post as other responses, but I have to say your ability to laugh as well as take on board the perspective of MN at its finest is a joy to see!!!

So many posts end up with the OP just arguing their perspective but your attitude is how it should be and just lovely to see - I’m sure your daughter is equally lovely ❤️

PS get a party bus for the transport to the venue and one up them! X

I was trying to imagine a scenario where I'd drive my kids that far for a party - am begrudging the party my son has in a couple of weeks that's 20 minutes away lol

My kids are 8/12 - my son would think nothing of it but I could see how my daughter might be upset as she'd pictured a certain thing and now it would be different. But she'd get over it - and to be honest, 8 weeks is a really long time for a child so a great opportunity to have a chance to get excited for something all over again. Is there some sort of add on or extra thing to make it really special for her? Food delivery (my daughter and her friends are obsessed with bubble tea) or great game after or a sleepover or something?

Don't so bloody petty!

What a ridiculous notion to even contemplate.

I'd be a little bit irritated but it's just one of those things you have to accept

Would a joint party be an option?

How has it ‘seriously impacted’ the party?

Lesson learned to keep cards closer to the chest!

This is it in a nutshell, OP. I've done the same with hotels and now only share recommendations for the ones that aren't 'special' to me. Maybe look at the first party as a 'tester' so that you can make sure yours is perfect.

My 10 year old daughter's party idea has been copied off 2 of her friends this year as they enjoyed it so much. She is just happy she gets to go again!

I said YANBU because I would be miffed too. When my daughter was turning ten, her frenemy asked her what she wanted to do for her bday then copied the idea, one month before. My dd was very upset but we then chose something different - and better.
However, I don’t think I’d have mentioned it in December for a June bday and not expect anyone else to go there all year.