Shamed by HV for not exposing DD to a second language

[Skedaddledaway]

I had DDs 12 months appointment yesterday. This time was better than previous times as she only managed to say something vaguely offensive 3 times during the 10 minute appointment.

However, there was one comment she made that filled me up with 'mum guilt' about not exposing DD to a second language. I live in a very multicultural area where most children are being brought learning 2 or 3 languages so seeing a child just speaking English is probably less common.

I speak good french (lived and worked in France for several years) but haven't used french for at least 4 years so am rusty! Speaking french with DD didn't feel natural compared to using my mother tongue. Now I am questioning whether that was a poor decision.

As a single mum I have a lot on my plate but I am thinking of starting to expose DD to some french.
My thoughts were:

• Turning her doll into a francophone so when ever we play with it use french.
• incorporating some simple everyday phrases into our daily routine
• reading books in french in the morning during breakfast
• listening to some nursery rhymes in french

Does this approach sound reasonable?

This is only reasonable if your or your husband's first language is other than English. And I'm saying that as a mother of a bilingual child, but my first language is not English. I spoke to him in my mother tongue since he was born and he picked it up very quickly. But if we both only knew English, this wouldn't make any sense. Ignore that lady, she is clueless.

Sorry I haven’t read the full thread, and others might have picked up on this already, but no you absolutely don’t have to see the HV. It is optional. Use the service as and when it is useful to you, but don’t feel obliged to, particularly if you feel it is doing more harm than good.

MIL took DD1 to a French group when she was very small, and I speak French. I think she had some toddler books in French. But this was when she was about three.

Unless you live in France don't worry about it now. With DD2 I hardly bothered as reading in/learning to speak in English was hard enough for her and another language would have just confused her.

I think it's a good thing when young children are exposed to other languages and cultures but bloody hell, it's not something a HV should be criticising you about at a 12 month appointment. She should be politely told to chuff off and stick to her actual job.

You know you don’t need to see this woman, right? HV are very hit or miss with any advice and cause more harm than good ime.

Another language is great but don’t feel obliged. As pp have said, the languages on offer at my dc school are German and Spanish. So unless you’re going fully immersive, it will be just another activity with your child. Nothing wrong with that but it’s not the amazing advantage that so many seem to think it is.

But you do not speak fluent French,
4 years in France is not fluent or will ever be native/mother tongue. You speak good (rusty) French. I help DD with French homework (when the time came).I lived in and worked for, a French company for 10 years.

Stick to your mother tongue.

Honestly, you could start a thread on batshit things HV's say.

I was told to eat more chicken and a friend of mine was told to look to Jesus....

This hasn’t ever been mentioned in an HV meeting I had. And I’ve had them in bilingual areas.

i probably would have laughed in their face at the suggestion and said I’ll get to it when I get more than 3-5 hours asleep (unbroken) a night.

theres no rule that says you need to speak multiple languages. It’s obviously helpful and good to do, but parenting is a lot to do solo as it is.

if this has honestly upset you, maybe you’re feeling a bit worried generally? You’re doing a great job and you can’t do everything all of the time. If your kid is loved, fed and developing well that’s enough. All this extra is just that, good if you can but if not don’t worry.

Are you in Hackney? The HV's in Hackney are kind of famous for being totally mental!

Personally I think that unless you are a bi or multi lingual family, you are best to stick to your Mother tongue for now. Although babies are very receptive to languages, I don't think you're doing your child a favour be trying to 'teach' them another language in your case. But if you live in an area where many people speak differently from you, it's a good idea, as your child gets older, to make them aware that this is nothing to be frightened of, explain what languages are etc. and maybe have a game of 'what this or that is called in the language your neighbours speak.' IF your HV had the intention of making you feel ashamed for not going the whole hog on multi-linguism, then she was at fault and you perhaps should ignore her. If she was just making a passing (and ill-informed)comment, whether you are 'ashamed' or not, is your choice.

I think you misread my post. I didn't say I lived in France for 4 years. I said I haven't had to physically speak french for around four years. I took have spent 10 years fully immersed, living and working France. I last tested at C1 so not native level, but a pretty good grasp of the language.

Tell the HV to get on with weighing and measuring the child and you will make any decisions necessary about the child's early education. And maybe tell the HV not to bother coming round any more. Her involvement is not compulsory.

Glad you’re back @Skedaddledaway

Can you answer my questions? TIA

Yes really. English. In London. No idea.

Which part of London? Which other languages do you hear in that part of London?

That was an unrelated point...
Context: daughter pointing at ladybirds on jumper
HV: oh ladybugs (or something like that)
Me: yes she loves ladybirds
HV: oh is she in nursery?
Me: no
HV: children in nursery like ladybirds
Me (puzzled expression)
HV to DD: Don't worry mummy will take you to nursery soon.

Me. Still puzzled...

This is bizarre. My HV was over the moon we had books in our house - maybe that says a lot about the other families she was dealing with.

I can kind of see the HVs point. I'm sure it was well intentioned as in to say 'if you know another language use it with DD as children absorb languages like a sponge". The delivery was all wrong but I do think she has a point which was why I've been feeling guilty and racking my brains about the best way to incorporate french into our daily routine. I'm not aiming to raise a bilingual child, I just don't have the setup or energy for that, just exposure.

Look at bilingualfamily.org
Bilingualism is a gift, if you can help.pave the way it would be hugely beneficial, but there is more than one way to do this. This website is amazing, it might help.

That Health Visitor is unprofessional and has no right to make you feel ashamed. My grandson has speech delay now and that is thought to be from trying to understand 2 languages. I would tell her that it’s non of her business. She should be focusing on the health of children not what language they speak, that is your business not hers.

Exactly, you don’t have to take everyone’s random opinion as gospel. Work on that not French!
God my hv spoke to me like I was feeble of brain in this odd high pitched voice. I assumed that was because she pitched her approach at the lowest common denominator.

Also, thank you for the replies everyone. I wasn't intending for this to become a HV bashing thread - there are plenty of those on Mumsnet. It was really about my approach to introducing french and whether that sounded reasonable. The replies have helped me see I'm probably overthinking and to relax a little

She sounds dim. I’d look at her and say just run that by me again. What are you trying to say as it looks like you are doing the pass agg thing of speaking to a child to have a go at me. Don’t be intimidated by her.

Not hackney but very close. I don't want to give my address in case I get an angry HV knocking at my door 😅

But you are not native/mother tongue or bilingual.

Bottom line.You speak good French.
I teach C1 Spanish adults and they pay me to teach their children.
They help and encourage. Which is what you can do, later.

My toddler once presented a health visitor with a dead mouse. "Failure to make child multilingual" doesn't even come close in terms of parental embarrassment.

To do her justice, she just laughed.